Hermeneutic Method of Interpretation

1. I use primary sources to derive theology or philosophy for a particular belief system

2. I focus on what I see as the pure or original interpretation of the philosophy or theology

3. I do not research current or past deviations of each major belief system

Practice and Bible Derived Reasoning

1. My method of ethical reasoning is derived from practical considerations.

2. My method of theological reasoning comes from Biblical considerations.

3. My method brings these perspectives to their logical conclusions.

4. My theory is based on what the Bible says about theology and what helps influence a person do the right thing.

5. I back track the way people should act according to the Bible and what the Bible says about God into a theory that is most consistent with these outcomes.

1. My theology, Towards a Philosophy of the Bible, mirrors what the Bible says about God and a solution to suffering that best answers this problem.

2. My ethics, Still Theory, are based on a combination of the philosophies most consistent with the Bible and having the least major ethical dilemmas and answers postmodern questions about suffering and uncertainty.

3. My psychology, Liberation Psychology/Theology, enables the person to be their own advocate and focuses on religion as a secondary approach to solving lingering problems with Schizophrenia, as the most effective practice is to take the medication.

4. My aesthetics, Bible Model Aesthetics, works to solve practical issues like accessibility, morality, and quality from a Biblical perspective.

5. My sociology/biology, Community through the Humanities, focuses on finding harmony with the groups of people we come into contact with in real world situations and applying ethics from Still Theory.

6. My theory of education, Learning of the Heart, is based on the realities of life and how people can know what is right and wrong.

Contrasting Theories of Education

1. The establishment assumes that public education through high school prepares a person for the world

2. The establishment assumes that everyone should be educated in the same manner

3. The establishment assumes that they know best what the public needs to learn

4. The establishment assumes that what they believe is right and wrong should be imposed on everyone else

5. The establishment assumes that public education improves people’s social status and morality

6. The establishment assumes that with slight modifications, they will get radically different societies

I believe that being prepared for the world is a combination of different things, which the public school system fails at all of them, including:

1. understand how the establishment works, how to use it to improve one’s life, and avoid it changing the individual or placing more limits than normal on the individual

2. develop critical thinking skills and determine what is right and wrong by conscience

3. develop a useful skill for financial support and independence

4. I believe that different people should be taught different things

5. I believe that people know what is right and wrong at birth

6. I believe that the world’s idea of right and wrong is contrary to God’s

7. I believe that people’s social status is determined by who they know and what status their parents have and their morality is determined by personal choice

8. I believe that in order to radically change society, we must make major changes

Unified Social Theory of Natural Science

1. All creatures that feel pain should be kept from any unnecessary suffering

2. The difference between humans and animals is a matter of degree

3. Human beings are not defined by any distinct characteristics in the Bible

4. The distinguishing factor between people and animals is a social construct

5. People have social and physical power over animals and are responsible for their well being

6. Flora should be treated with respect to their well being as well as fauna

7. Water and cells should be carefully looked after as they are the building blocks of life

8. The earth should be treated with the same respect as other life forms

9. Preservation of life does not mean no harm is done

10. Although animals and people may be perceived as the same, the human has a responsibility to look after the animal

11. Not subjecting sentient beings to physical pain is just the beginning of a social ethic

12. Humans should use their resources to actively advocate for the well being of all sentient beings

What Philosophy is and How is it Useful

Philosophy is about questioning. Philosophy is the most general and abstract way to study things and life. Philosophical arguments are theories. It is very similar to debate. That is why philosophy is considered a good undergraduate major for prospective law students. The definition of philosophy can vary widely and is often the basis of that particular philosophy. Science is probably the most well known theory as to how the world works.

Different philosophies can be useful in different ways. The major eastern philosophies as well as Existentialism, in general, can be most directly applied to education, ethics, psychology, medicine (just eastern philosophy), ecology, literature, art, and humor. I also apply them to religion since my religion, Christianity, especially the book it was derived from, the Bible, forms the basis of my assumptions and philosophical positions. Mainstream western philosophy can mostly be applied to mathematics, the natural (physics, chemistry, biology, etc.) and social sciences (economics, anthropology, sociology, political science), and the legal system (debate).

What is Faith?

It follows therefore that the difference between fiction and belief lies in some sentiment or feeling...and which depends not on the will, nor can be commanded at pleasure...belief is nothing but a more vivid, lively, forcible, firm, steady conception of an object, than what the imagination alone is ever able to obtain.

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It is true that someone can believe in something whether it is real or not and for a variety of reasons. I believe that fire hurts because of personal experience. This may not be true in all circumstances even if I believe it. But faith in God is different for the following reasons :

Faith in God is an act of the will: faith in God is a choice a person makes.

I will be blessing the Lord at all times; his praise will be ever in my mouth. My soul will say great things of the Lord: the poor in spirit will have knowledge of it and be glad. O give praise to the Lord with me; let us be witnesses together of his great name. I was searching for the Lord, and he gave ear to my voice, and made me free from all my fears. Let your eyes be turned to him and you will have light, and your faces will not be shamed. This poor man’s cry came before the Lord, and he gave him salvation from all his troubles. The angel of the Lord is ever watching over those who have fear of him, to keep them safe. By experience you will see that the Lord is good; happy is the man who has faith in him.

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Faith in God is real because we can trust God’s word as He never lies.

As for God, his way is completely good; the word of the Lord is tested; he is a breastplate for all those who put their faith in him.

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The truth does not change because you believe something. Just believing in something is of no use, if it is not real. I believe that Jesus Christ is really God, but you must decide for yourself. I do not believe that any person can convert someone else to faith in Christ, but rather God calls people to himself. Let my book series and websites, which are my story, inspire you to start your own journey and discover the truth for yourself.

Why I Study other Philosophies?

The passage from 1 Corinthians is a summation of the ideas of the first 1/3 of the letter and calls us to believe not by reason or miracle, but to place our belief in God on the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, so that we put our faith in what the Bible says, instead of putting our faith in what Science tells us or what the supernatural tell us. This Greek wisdom which the Bible talks about is mainstream Western Philosophy, which most people now study as Science. The philosophy which is most inline with the foolishness of God is Philosophical Taoism.

For the Jews require a sign, and the Greeks seek after wisdom: But we preach Christ crucified, unto the Jews a stumblingblock, and unto the Greeks foolishness; But unto them which are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God, and the wisdom of God.

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Why I Study other Revealed Religions?

The passage from Acts tells about Paul’s visit to Athens. Paul was an intellectual and was willing to talk to people on their own terms and speak to their individual situation. He explained the Gospel in their own vocabulary and found an entrance into their own beliefs to tell them about Jesus Christ. Paul was an intellectual who knew about the belief systems of his time and that is one of the main reasons why God called him to be a missionary. How can you preach the gospel to someone if you have no idea where they are coming from?

Now while Paul waited for them at Athens, his spirit was stirred in him, when he saw the city wholly given to idolatry. Therefore disputed he in the synagogue with the Jews, and with the devout persons, and in the market daily with them that met with him. Then certain philosophers of the Epicureans, and of the Stoicks, encountered him. And some said, What will this babbler say? other some, He seemeth to be a setter forth of strange gods: because he preached unto them Jesus, and the resurrection. And they took him, and brought him unto Areopagus, saying, May we know what this new doctrine, whereof thou speakest, is? For thou bringest certain strange things to our ears: we would know therefore what these things mean. For all the Athenians and strangers which were there spent their time in nothing else, but either to tell, or to hear some new thing. Then Paul stood in the midst of Mars’ hill, and said, Ye men of Athens, I perceive that in all things ye are too superstitious. For as I passed by, and beheld your devotions, I found an altar with this inscription, TO THE UNKNOWN GOD. Whom therefore ye ignorantly worship, him declare I unto you. God that made the world and all things therein, seeing that he is Lord of heaven and earth, dwelleth not in temples made with hands; Neither is worshipped with men’s hands, as though he needed any thing, seeing he giveth to all life, and breath, and all things; And hath made of one blood all nations of men for to dwell on all the face of the earth, and hath determined the times before appointed, and the bounds of their habitation; That they should seek the Lord, if haply they might feel after him, and find him, though he be not far from every one of us: For in him we live, and move, and have our being; as certain also of your own poets have said, For we are also his offspring. Forasmuch then as we are the offspring of God, we ought not to think that the Godhead is like unto gold, or silver, or stone, graven by art and man’s device. And the times of this ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men every where to repent: Because he hath appointed a day, in the which he will judge the world in righteousness by that man whom he hath ordained; whereof he hath given assurance unto all men, in that he hath raised him from the dead.

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Why I do not Study Earth Religions?

There shall not be found among you any one that maketh his son or his daughter to pass through the fire, or that useth divination, or an observer of times, or an enchanter, or a witch, Or a charmer, or a consulter with familiar spirits, or a wizard, or a necromancer. For all that do these things are an abomination unto the LORD: and because of these abominations the LORD thy God doth drive them out from before thee.

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How to become a Christian

So we are said to be what our desire is. As our desire is, so is our will. As our will is, so are our acts. As we act, so we become

18(the concept of sin explained in the Hindu scriptures, known there as karma, but it sounds a lot like sin, doesn’t it? )

Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death

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To become Christian, you must understand the concept of sin and who Jesus is. I recommend reading The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis. Also read one of the four orthodox gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John). Stay away from Gnostic bible books like the Gospel of Thomas. Also read Hebrews and Romans. Finally, read Genesis and Isaiah. When you understand the problem of sin and who Jesus is, then all you need to do is confess your sins to Jesus out loud and believe in your heart that God raised Jesus from the dead.

If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

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Synopsis

I believe in a God that is perfectly good in every aspect and every thought and action, and unlimited in power beyond any life form’s imagination. I believe we as humans are infinitely below God and the sum of all of our good actions throughout all history doesn’t even reach zero. I believe that anything good or anything that has parts good in it, all that is good is from God’s direct supernatural intervention. I believe that God breaks physical laws all the time and that anyone coming to God is a result of God’s choice and through God’s strength. I believe that although we must make a choice to the right thing and submit to God’s will, our effort will amount to nothing and we totally rely on God’s power and divine intervention to do anything positive. This is what I mean by humility on the part of man - a proper realization of our significance and role in life.

Overview

1. I believe in Evangelical theology but in Liberal ethics

2. I believe that we should be holy yet be kind to all life

3. I believe that there is only one Church but no denomination is completely right

4. I believe that parts of the Bible are meant to be taken literally as well as others are to be taken symbolically and that the Biblical context is the determining factor

Basics

1. I believe in one God

2. I believe the Jesus was fully man and eternally is God

3. I believe that we are saved by faith alone, yet only through works and sacraments will we know we are saved

4. I believe that we are both predestined for salvation and yet still have a free will

5. I believe that the tribulation has happened 1900 years ago and will also happen in the future at the same 5 dimensional coordinates

6. I believe that we sin after being saved yet we tend towards the good

Specifics

1. I believe that we are responsible for the animals and yet we should treat them equally

2. I believe that we should follow the laws but subvert the lifestyle of the world

3. I believe that only a remnant will be faithful to God and yet the majority of people will be saved.

4. I believe that the Bible explains in great detail what Heaven is like and yet we will never understand until we get there

5. I believe a child can understand the Bible and be saved yet the brightest theologians in the world will never get beyond even the basics of the Bible

So am I Protestant or Catholic Liberal or Evangelical?

I believe that Evangelicals and Catholics are very similar as far as I can see on the main theology. From what I can see Catholics and Liberal Protestants seem to have different aspects of the ethics of Christianity right. Membership wise I am an Evangelical Quaker and I they are closest to what I believe the Bible says both technically and in spirit, both theologically and ethically. I call what I believe Wholeness or Non-dual Christianity as I believe in both sides of most divisions of the church. I believe that most divisions of the Church were primarily politically motivated and came out of a view of the world that was shaped by the philosophy of Aristotle and Plato. The Church has continued to move in the direction of "I can believe whatever I want and call myself Christian" attitude. I believe that any kind of leadership over other people is against the concept of equality exemplified by Christ and I have a hard time seeing how the Church leadership is that different amongst rival factions of churches. It hurts me terribly to see people call themselves Christian who start wars with other countries for oil money, who torture and imprison those who don’t agree with them, torture animals for cosmetic products and destroy the very little left of God’s creation to build fancy homes. I think most people will be very surprised to find out who is in Heaven and who is not when we finally get there. People who are in power are not there because God thought that was ok and just because you hear famous people saying that God says something or they are Christian doesn’t make it true.

Overview

Therefore we are always confident, knowing that, whilst we are at home in the body, we are absent from the Lord: (For we walk by faith, not by sight:) We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord.

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I should start out by saying that I see life in terms of possibilities, not in terms of actuality. This has led me to focus on minimizing risks to my person and family as well as maximize my potential achievements. In some ways this is very liberating and gives me great confidence, but in other ways it holds me back and causes me tremendous stress. I have been blessed with amazing abilities as well as limited by great weaknesses. On my websites and in my book series, you will see evidence of both.

To the weak became I as weak, that I might gain the weak: I am made all things to all men, that I might by all means save some.

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This is the story of my adult life so far, beginning with my experiences as an enlisted soldier, my diagnosis of chronic allergic pink eye and sensitivity developed to cleaning and other harsh chemicals, my experiences in a public university, my paranoid episode and my voluntary stay in the locked psychiatric ward of a private hospital, my diagnosis of Paranoid Schizophrenia, my experiences living with other mentally ill consumers in a group home, my experiences with in home care services, my experiences living in a retirement home in my late twenties, and my experiences with the Veterans Administration medical and psychiatric system. What ties these all together is my attempt to find an answer to suffering, to find a way to be Christian in a postmodern society, and to live a life of faith when I hear God tell me strange things.

But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and he requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers.

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My life did not unfold neatly according to my plans for myself or because of my connections. I have had to work very hard for the little that I have. Sure there are many who have suffered worse than I have, but, nonetheless, I have had some very painful life experiences that many will never have to go through and I am glad they don’t have to. I would not want to relive between the years of 1996-2006 again for anything and if I had them over again I would have attempted a very different path. There are still many times when I wish I would not have to live any more. If life just goes your way and everything just neatly falls into place for you, then this is not the book series and collection of websites for you. If however, like me, life is a constant struggle, then you might find my work to be done by a like soul.

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.

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I am now embracing the God revealed in scripture: a God that is holy and awesome, a God that is an infinite mystery, and a personal God who wants a relationship with us. The personal nature of God makes me frustrated with the amount of suffering in the world, the holy and awesome nature of God compels me to both hold God responsible and at the same time the Church (myself included) and strive to by myself put a dent in the suffering of the world, while the infinite mystery that is another aspect of God resolves me to conclude that the reason for suffering is a mystery. I now hold all 5 views simultaneously.

Synopsis

If the mind is not preserved, your entire person will be without a master.

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In learning, you must first understand the big. When you’ve understood the big, you’ll naturally thoroughly grasp the small within. People nowadays, however, without understanding the big, merely seek out the tiny details within.

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This book series and my websites are my portfolio with a message. I have unique, eccentric, and cutting edge world views in philosophy and poetry (Opinion), photography and graphic design (Galleries), and computing fundamentals (Technology). In this book series and my websites, you will see how the problems of suffering, uncertainty, free choice, and limits in religion, psychology, and sociology apply to workaholics with disabilities that require rest (like myself).

My site makes the most sense within the context that it was created for, why it was created and what methods I chose to achieve it.

Why this book series and these websites?

...When you know something but don’t act on it, your knowledge of it is still superficial. After you have personally experienced it, your knowledge of it will be much clearer and its significance will be different from what it used to be.

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...practicing inner mental attentiveness refers to the way of controlling and restraining oneself; probing principle refers to the way of investigating the ultimate. These two things simply hinder each other. But when we get good at them, naturally they no longer get in each other’s way.

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My book series and my websites were originally created to share my ideas and creative works with my uncle. He lived overseas and it was the easiest way to keep in touch with him and my messages were too big for email. I was just out of the military and was struggling with mental illness at the time (although I didn’t know that then). I was studying Chinese philosophy in school from the literature perspective and was very obsessed with the problem of suffering. Physical pain was very real to me because I was suffering from chronic allergic pink eye that would never go away from what I could gather from the doctors. I wanted to be Christian still as I was from early childhood, but I didn’t want to be a spoiled brat like the kids I went to school and church with. So I started writing poetry and that is what the book series and websites started out with.

The poetry is the first and most vital component of the websites and my books series and must be understood if you want to get what I am trying to say. I chose early on to try to be creative and personal in my approach to the problem of suffering. I knew what I wanted to say before I learned what terms to use for things and how to communicate what I felt. As I studied philosophy, I found the framework to hang my ideas on and found that I was not alone with odd ideas, but in fact found that most of the world throughout most of history had more in common with my way of thinking than what is currently in textbooks and on the news. When I found out that I had Schizophrenia, I questioned what I was thinking and if my odd ideas got me into this place, but I found I could not accept the way I was told things were. But I did learn that I should work hard to control my mind and the way I approached this was to study from the rationalist (or social) philosophers in addition to the mystics.

Methods

And the scripture was fulfilled which saith, Abraham believed God, and it was imputed unto him for righteousness: and he was called the Friend of God.

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Students must establish their wills. That people nowadays are aimless is simply because they’ve never taken learning seriously. In dealing with things, they’re reckless simply because their wills aren’t firmly established.

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My theory of art being used for teaching biblical principles is that art is not usually good at presenting buzzword compliant theology that conforms to mainstream Christian traditions. I believe that nature is the art of God and any portrayal of a love of nature is naturally and necessarily directly related to having the humility necessary for saving faith. Most of the Bible is not about getting set up for eternity but what to do while we live on Earth. I do believe that this is the most critical message of the Bible, but a theology that sees Earth only as a chance to get saved is going to be a bad witness to those who do not believe. If the Sanctity of Life movement is to be seen as relevant to postmodern times, it must be extended to respect for all life and all resources. This is not to say that I won’t present the Gospel message if my art or writing leads to that point, but rather that I am "witnessing" to people that would never enter a church even if saved. I have a much higher opinion of unbelievers than most Christians do in that I think that there are other reasons besides unwillingness to obey God’s laws that convince people to not repent of their sins and except Christ as their savior. But you will always find biblically motivated art here that conforms to one or more of the main themes of the Bible. I do hold what the Bible says to be something to rely on as a completely accurate representation of the topics it covers and I do not have anywhere near the confidence in scientific results or any other source as I do in truth and facts contained in the Bible.

My point in creating a philosophy, a culture, and a theology is not to get everyone to think the way I do, but to question the accepted world views of the postmodern age. I want to teach people to think. Much as a teacher doesn’t just give you the answer, but merely gives you the tools to find the answers for yourself, so is my intent.

Although my philosophy is not presented in a classical Western sense, all the materials in this book series and my websites have a philosophically sound and consistent basis. Most importantly, I am trying to teach people to think differently and more broadly. My organization is what is often referred to as random, but really it is organized, just not in a simple linear design.

I have attempted to merge Christianity with Chinese philosophy, but not in a philosophical treatise. Instead, I have focused on poetry, practical applications, and multimedia in order to make philosophy more understandable to the average person. I have also avoided uncommon vocabulary and technical jargon whenever possible.

Another reason for not presenting these philosophical concepts in the same format as major philosophers of the West is that I want people to make the connections for themselves and thereby learn how to formulate their own ideas. I don’t want people to just parrot my ideas back to me, because creativity is one of the many things that we need more of in society. I am interested in people being consistent and searching for truth and I believe that they will find the right path if they are intellectually honest.

I also believe that being Christian is not just being the opposite of unbelievers, but doing what is right and sticking to the truth. I believe there is much we can learn from other philosophies and revealed religions. I believe that learning about others’ beliefs can help provide a fresh perspective on the Bible that is desperately needed as atheism has been rampant in the Church because of its reliance on the Western Philosophy of the Enlightenment. I just avoid two things: hate speech and earth religions.

I also have a Far Side meets Abbott and Costello sense of humor, so if you see something that sounds like it is nuts, it is likely it is meant to be humorous.

Technical Explanation

Someone asked: Do dry and withered things have principle or not? Chu said. As soon as there exists a thing, there exists principle. Heaven has never produced a writing brush; man makes brushes with rabbit’s hair. But as soon as their exists a brush, there exists principle

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My philosophy is primarily concerned with Epistemology and Ethics.

My theology is Existential and Evangelical Christian, my philosophical methods are Neo-Confucian and Philosophical Taoist, and my politics are Ecofeminist.

First and foremost I am a Christian Mystic (Existentialist) in that I believe what the Bible says by faith, but I believe that much of what God asks of us has a Rational basis which we can understand. I believe in Idealism (Philosophical Taoist) - that Spirit is the most important component of reality and that the material world is part of our mind. I am very Skeptical of anyone who says they know something for sure that is not in the Bible, especially social scientists. I also try to balance myself with facts and Empirical evidence (Neo-Confucianism) in interacting with society.

I believe that The Holy Spirit exists everywhere (qi) and that it is directed by God the father (li). This li or principle is an intelligent ethical force in the universe and can be comprehended rationally and is there to help sentient beings live happy lives (Virtue Ethics).

Overview

From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members? Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not. Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.

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The paradoxes that the Bible teaches about God, Man, and our relationships between each other, animals, and God are not just there to give God an ego trip, by keeping us from doing what we want; they are there for our own good. One of the paradoxes of the Christian faith is that we are both secure in our salvation once we confess our sins and believe that God raised Jesus from the dead, but we still have the capacity to make choices without God constantly intervening. Scripture shows both aspects of this duality to be true and it is not just there to be hard to accept, but it is there for us to live a fuller life of faith and temperance.

Example: Freewill Verses

For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.

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There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. We love him, because he first loved us.

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Many try to drive people to God by fear by saying that if you commit one sin which you did not confess before you die, then you will go to Hell. This is not Biblical to try to motivate people by fear. This is one of the problems that arises if you believe in free will at the expense of predestination.

And you, that were sometime alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now hath he reconciled In the body of his flesh through death, to present you holy and unblameable and unreproveable in his sight: If ye continue in the faith grounded and settled, and be not moved away from the hope of the gospel, which ye have heard, and which was preached to every creature which is under heaven

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The key aspects of this passage are as follows:

1. As believers, we are rendered righteous by Christ’s death and resurrection.

2. The key questions to answer from the Bible are

3. what is faith?

4. and what is the gospel?

For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ:for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek. For therein is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: as it is written, The just shall live by faith

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So the gospel is salvation by faith and we are considered righteous by God’s free gift or grace in response to our belief in His resurrection from the dead.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

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Take heed, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief, in departing from the living God. But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. For we are made partakers of Christ, if we hold the beginning of our confidence steadfast unto the end;

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It is not one sin being committed that Scripture is talking about here, but, rather, a habit of sin that brings the sinner to not be able to confess their sin, because to confess sin and repent is to be righteous by faith.

If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.

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And we desire that every one of you do shew the same diligence to the full assurance of hope unto the end: That ye be not slothful, but followers of them who through faith and patience inherit the promises.

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The point of these verses is to show that, as we follow through our faith into good works and stay away from sin, we enjoy God’s promises. God realizes that we will continue to sin, but he wants us to live an overall lifestyle characterized by obedience.

By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God, and keep his commandments. For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous.

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Loving God is to follow His commandments.

For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise. For yet a little while, and he that shall come will come, and will not tarry. Now the just shall live by faith: but if any man draw back, my soul shall have no pleasure in him. But we are not of them who draw back unto perdition; but of them that believe to the saving of the soul.

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Finally, God gives us a promise that we won’t live a life of sin and will by saved by faith, and our sins will not keep us from Heaven.

Example: Predestination Verses

What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein? Know ye not, that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ were baptized into his death? Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.

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The Bible also teaches that we have an assurance of salvation, if we believe. But this is not an excuse to sin. And this is likely why so many churches are so adamant about free will. We are to be "transformed by the renewing of our minds” and not to walk in sin, as Christ died so that we might not be slaves to sin.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.

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God predestined everyone that loved Him to be called righteous by God’s grace and their faith.

But when it pleased God, who separated me from my mother’s womb, and called me by his grace,

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God has a purpose for our life, before we are even born.

According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love: Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will,

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God cares about us so much, that before He created the world He had already chosen those who would believe many thousand years later. Even then He knew that we could not exist without sin and that it was by His grace that we are saved.

For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.

56

We are saved through God’s grace, by our faith and the outcome of that faith is to not only keep from sin, but to do good towards others.

Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering

57

As we are chosen by God to be His children, so we are also called to love one another, as God has loved us.

But we are bound to give thanks alway to God for you, brethren beloved of the Lord, because God hath from the beginning chosen you to salvation through sanctification of the Spirit and belief of the truth: Whereunto he called you by our gospel, to the obtaining of the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ.

58

We are to be thankful for other believers to God, because He chose them to believe, before the creation of the world.

Paul, a servant of God, and an apostle of Jesus Christ, according to the faith of God’s elect, and the acknowledging of the truth which is after godliness; In hope of eternal life, which God, that cannot lie, promised before the world began

59

Godliness and the acknowledging of Christ’s resurrection and our sin one in the same.

Who verily was foreordained before the foundation of the world, but was manifest in these last times for you, Who by him do believe in God, that raised him up from the dead, and gave him glory; that your faith and hope might be in God.

60

It is God’s miracle that we are saved and the entire reason of our salvation is God’s grace and desire to draw us near Him.

Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?

61

The government does wrong, but that is not an excuse to not obey their laws. We are speaking out as a good example for unbelievers by following both God’s and then man’s laws. Just because others don’t do what is right, it is not our duty to bring judgment on them, but to set a good example by our own behavior.

Example 2: Duty to Government

Tell us therefore, What thinkest thou? Is it lawful to give tribute unto Caesar, or not? But Jesus perceived their wickedness, and said, "Why tempt ye me, ye hypocrites? " "Shew me the tribute money." And they brought unto him a penny. And he saith unto them, "Whose is this image and superscription? " They say unto him, Caesa’s. Then saith he unto them, "Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s; and unto God the things that are God’s."

62

God wants your heart and the government just wants you to follow the laws, namely: pay your taxes.

Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation. For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to the evil. Wilt thou then not be afraid of the power? do that which is good, and thou shalt have praise of the same: For he is the minister of God to thee for good. But if thou do that which is evil, be afraid; for he beareth not the sword in vain: for he is the minister of God, a revenger to execute wrath upon him that doeth evil. Wherefore ye must needs be subject, not only for wrath, but also for conscience sake. For for this cause pay ye tribute also: for they are God’s ministers, attending continually upon this very thing. Render therefore to all their dues: tribute to whom tribute is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honour to whom honour. Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law.

63

The government is there because God has supported it because it is an instrument of His will. The people who fear the government are the ones who are committing crimes. Do what the government asks, which is basically to love one another, as the laws of men are in many ways similar to the laws of God.

Put them in mind to be subject to principalities and powers, to obey magistrates, to be ready to every good work, To speak evil of no man, to be no brawlers, but gentle, shewing all meekness unto all men. For we ourselves also were sometimes foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving divers lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful, and hating one another.

64

Don’t worry about what others do, but follow the laws, in order to be able to do good works for others.

Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme; Or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well. For so is the will of God, that with well doing ye may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men: As free, and not using your liberty for a cloke of maliciousness, but as the servants of God. Honour all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honour the king.

65

Treat everyone with respect and dignity and follow the laws. This way, people will have nothing to say against God or the Church.

Example 2: Corruption of Government

And I said, Hear, I pray you, O heads of Jacob, and ye princes of the house of Israel; Is it not for you to know judgment? Who hate the good, and love the evil; who pluck off their skin from off them, and their flesh from off their bones; Who also eat the flesh of my people, and flay their skin from off them; and they break their bones, and chop them in pieces, as for the pot, and as flesh within the caldron. Then shall they cry unto the LORD, but he will not hear them: he will even hide his face from them at that time, as they have behaved themselves ill in their doings.

66

Hear this, I pray you, ye heads of the house of Jacob, and princes of the house of Israel, that abhor judgment, and pervert all equity. They build up Zion with blood, and Jerusalem with iniquity. The heads thereof judge for reward, and the priests thereof teach for hire, and the prophets thereof divine for money: yet will they lean upon the LORD, and say, Is not the LORD among us? none evil can come upon us.

67

The government/Church is corrupt and God will bring judgment upon them.

And from thenceforth Pilate sought to release him: but the Jews cried out, saying, If thou let this man go, thou art not Caesar’s friend: whosoever maketh himself a king speaketh against Caesar. When Pilate therefore heard that saying, he brought Jesus forth, and sat down in the judgment seat in a place that is called the Pavement, but in the Hebrew, Gabbatha. And it was the preparation of the passover, and about the sixth hour: and he saith unto the Jews, Behold your King! But they cried out, Away with him, away with him, crucify him. Pilate saith unto them, Shall I crucify your King? The chief priests answered, We have no king but Caesar. Then delivered he him therefore unto them to be crucified. And they took Jesus, and led him away.

68

The Church often persuades the government to do the wrong thing. Even when the Church is not technically in power, they often lead the government to do the wrong thing. They are all responsible for their own actions.

Introduction

Suffering is not just a problem that Christians and people of the Jewish faith confront, but both Chinese and Indian philosophies and religions of all branches confront. In fact, both Chinese and Indian philosophy deal almost exclusively with the problem of suffering. There is no reason why a person would conclude that life should not have suffering or should have less, based on nature. Every part of our universe exudes a lack of emotion. People are down-right mean for the most part and can experience pain, even beyond those of animals, as they can anticipate pain. Yet in Hinduism, Buddhism, and all branches of Chinese philosophies, there is a set of ethics if nothing else. What is the reason for these ethics, if there is no concept that pain shouldn’t exist or should be lessened? There can be no reason for there being good and evil or any sort of morality, if it is not because it reflects attributes of a loving God. And Buddhism is a form of atheism, Taoism is based on a God that is neutral, and Hinduism is based on an ultimate reality who is Creator, Preserver, and Destroyer. Only in the Christian and Jewish faiths is there a God who is perfectly good.69

Who are those who suffer? I do not know, but they are my people.

70

Many people think that, if you are Christian, then you should support the establishment, because Jesus told us to pay our taxes. But Jesus was very much against the establishment, especially the religious institutions. Although not political himself, Jesus wanted us to reach out to those who society did not value and act out our faith in all parts of our lives. Christianity is necessarily political, not in the power struggle way, but in the way we protest against the establishment in our daily lives. Jesus wanted us to live pure lives, not compromising to the ways of the world, as our bodies are temples of God. In order to reject the establishment, we need to know what it values. The establishment revolves around three attributes contrary to God and the search for truth and meaning: systematic thought which leads to specialization from the philosophy of Aristotle as interpreted by Maimonides, the materialism that was started by Descartes, and the atheism that comes from Rousseau. The origin of these methods were the Pythagoreans, who believed everything was reducible to numbers, and those who come up short are always everyone who are not wealthy white men. Existentialism is a rejection of these principles and Chinese philosophy has a united rationalism and a mysticism that are neither systematic, materialistic, or atheistic. Therefore, reducing suffering means rejecting the establishment, which means rejecting western philosophy.

What is an empathetic response to suffering? I say: to help prevent it and reduce it when it can’t be prevented. I have had my own kind of suffering, even chronic physical pain, and there is nothing anyone could say that would make it seem ok. Yes, Jesus suffered tremendously in many ways, but just because He was willing to doesn’t mean that others should. Yes, we have hope beyond death for eternal joy and peace, but that doesn’t shorten the time we suffer on earth. In Psalms it says that the reason for evil is a mystery.

This maturity will keep you from giving your opinion too hastily if the matter is difficult. In such a case take your time to think the matter over, study the question, and even discuss it with others.

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There are several causes of suffering: the ones that can be prevented and those which cannot. We must accept the ones that we cannot change and avoid the ones that can be prevented. I believe that quite a bit of suffering could be prevented by the Taoist concept of uselessness; don’t do anything that would make you famous, so you are not a target for others. Another way, is to learn to think rationally and with safety in mind. Forget about being brave in the classical sense - choose life as it is the highest good.

Throughout my book series and websites, you will find how I approach suffering, both mental and physical, and how you can reduce your own pain: emotional, spiritual, and economic. The Liberation Psychology can relieve emotional pain, the Philosophy of Fun can relieve economic problems, Existential Ethics can reduce the physical pain of others, and the Still Theory can reduce spiritual pain

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..you will see that holy poverty preserves us from many sins...It slays the worm of riches, which is pride; cuts off the infernal leeches of lust and gluttony, and many other sins as well.

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I also do a number of practical things to help reduce suffering, including: wearing simple clothing, using public transportation, using nontoxic cleaners, using inexpensive software, being vegetarian, using used furniture, giving to help those society does not value, not using leather, and using cruelty free shampoo.

The facts of my situation

I do know that though your health is frail, you allow yourself to be carried away by your charity to undertake tasks and labors that are more than you can conveniently bear. Judging in God our Lord that it would be more acceptable to His Divine Majesty to have you temper your zeal in this respect so that you will be able to labor the longer in his service

73

What is it like to not have control of your mind - to lay awake at night afraid of things that will never happen - to believe that your loved ones are against you - to not know the difference between what is fact and what is fiction - to fear the police will arrest you for how you were born -

to not be able to handle the stress of meetings - to not be able to be consistently on time - to not be able to sit through a play or a movie - to find it stressful to listen to music - to not have the motivation to take care of yourself - to have to rely on others for your income?

Your first and greatest asset will be to distrust yourself and have a great and magnanimous trust in God.

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I am very self-reflective and find meaning in every part of life. But I am not just a philosopher because many of my thoughts are not rational and I do not have control over my thoughts. I keep busy to distract myself from voices and paranoia. Quiet times like when I fall asleep at night are when my paranoia and voices are the most intense. When someone makes a comment in general and it could apply to me, I take it as a personal attack as I am suspicious that others are against me. It is impossible for me to still my mind enough to meditate.

Not only do I not have control over my thoughts, but I find it impossible to take care of the daily activities that are necessary to survive in the modern world. I understand technology, philosophy, and can write and draw on a level that few can surpass, but I can’t wash my clothes once a week, clean my bathroom, recycle, or show up at a set time. The modern world is based on the clock and on facts and that is how we deal with other people in our society. This is completely foreign to my way of thinking.

I developed my own subculture, as I was unable to find my place in society. Basically, I have to find time to rest in order to deal with my illness, to avoid going back to the hospital. But even the rest can cause me mental pain: paranoia and auditory hallucinations. It would be good for me to have more interactions with people, as they help bring me into the modern world, but they also cause me a great deal of paranoia and many things they carelessly say cause me to suffer mentally.

The poet only asks to get his head into the heavens. It is the logician who seeks to get the heavens into his head. And it is his head that splits... And if great reasoners are often maniacal, it is equally true that maniacs are commonly great reasoners.

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This is the situation I am in, and modern science calls it Schizophrenia. I am very intelligent and good at writing and being creative, but this has nothing to do with Schizophrenia. Is a person with diabetes any different except for their illness? I am no different in that way too. I know many other people who have Schizophrenia and they are no more or less intelligent or think differently than anybody else.

Schizophrenia is a broad term like cancer where many different illnesses fall under the same umbrella. Some people with Schizophrenia can complete distance education or work a part time job, but I cannot. My main obstacle is dealing with time and facts - dealing with other people and taking care of my basic needs.

Frustration

Struggling to lift the heavy lids

My eyes burst open

And I stagger to the other room

With immense effort

I live in a dream within a dream

My paranoia within God’s thoughts

My will is strong

And my spirit unbreakable

But my mind only controls

Some of my thoughts

And my body is weak

And continually asleep

My burden is not light

As Jesus said for those

Who walk with Him

And its shadow is ever before me

When your mind cannot cease

From racing at full speed

And your body is heavily sedated

Everything is a battle of will

And your spirit pushes your body

My heart is pressed on all sides

By my unquenchable emotions

And unmovable flesh

But my heart is still wild and unwavering

How will I complete the contest?

How many years will this situation last?

When you are dead tired

And you are nowhere near the finish

You must slow down and keep going

When you would much rather lie down and die

How will I summon the energy

Without the strength of mind or body?

Will I be able to survive by spirit alone?

Do I know how to achieve solely by will?

Each day we wake up and begin

Before even thinking about “what next? ”

But at night we worry over

What has and hasn’t happened

If only my spirit could know the rhythm

And my will the attitude

That can harmonize with the Way

And outlast the disease

We can only hope

And pray without ceasing

General

Not everyone who is an Atheist is trying to disprove the existence of God or rejecting the authority of the Bible. Well known Atheists such as Nietzche, Marx, and Freud criticized the way Christians tend to act and the actions criticized can often be traced to idolatry on the part of the Christians. Atheistic works can therefore be useful in restoring Christians to a holy lifestyle. Some lifestyles and philosophies that are exploited by non-Christians heavily for their own uses, like the Gothic lifestyle or the Existential philosophy, are actually very Christian at their fundamental level and can be useful to Christians to show non-believers what Christianity is all about. Chinese philosophy is based on the problem of suffering and is focused on ethics and psychology. It is Theistic but doesn’t define God. You can very easily practice Chinese medicine and be Christian as consistently as you can practice Western medicine and be Christian. In fact, most people study Atheistic philosophy without noticing it. These philosophies are the basis for social science, evolution, Newtonian physics, Shakespearean plays, and many other subjects studied by children in public schools. You cannot avoid studying anti-Christian philosophies, but you can challenge their assumptions and for some people this means studying other philosophies.

I never read occult books or hate speech as God is a jealous God and He loves all His creatures equally. I have read from Christian books about people who experimented with drugs and the New Age/Pagan movement and they were scared, abused, and lied to by evil spirits. I also believe that we should live at harmony with God’s creation and introducing polluting technologies or supernatural powers other than the Creator is due to people not accepting their limitations and pursuing power without any sense of responsibility for the consequences. Also the basis for the destructive philosophies of the Enlightenment can be traced back to Pythagorus who studied the Egyptian occult religions. Astronomy throughout most of history was called astrology and was tied in with the study of the occult.

Conservatives are actually the idealists, whereas liberals are more realistic. Idealistically it would be nice to have small government and every one could look after themselves. It would be nice to not impede businesses by complex rules. But this doesn’t mesh with reality. In the real world we live in, we need to provide services for the disabled and the elderly, the healthcare for the sick and the poor, education for the young and the downsized, business regulations for employees and stockholders, environmental regulations for every citizen’s health and safety, and the like. We can’t live in glass bubbles where everything is provided at no cost. We have to choose priorities and when we spend every last dime on weapons and corporate welfare we don’t even have enough to take care of disabled veterans and our soldiers’ needs. Taking over other countries for their oil can only last so long - eventually they will revolt - and businesses don’t hire more employees when they don’t have to pay taxes - this is just a fantasy. We can’t live off the way things work in our dreams. We have to accept that our world is not perfect and do the best we can with what we have.

Chinese Philosophy vs. Greek Philosophy vs. Christianity

In Greek (Western) philosophy, the proof for each school is based on reason in the form of Physics (motion), in Chinese philosophy the proof for each school is based on how things were done in ancient China (even for them) in the form of harmony or stillness, and the Bible’s proof for its ethics and theology is based on how the concepts relate to qualities that God exemplifies. Also in Greek philosophy, man was considered evil by nature, in Chinese philosophy he was considered to be good by nature, and the Bible says that man was created good, but fell and is inclined towards evil, until he is saved and then he is inclined towards good.

Chinese philosophy is also great literature and is fun to read as it flows and has a rhythm and most importantly it is brief and to the point. Contrast Chuang Tzu or even Hsun Tzu with Plato, who hides his philosophy in a question and answer format, where he gets off tricking those who can’t follow linear logic as well as him into saying what he wants them to say. He repeats the same thing over and over again to drum it in and has the arrogance to claim this sham teaches people to think. The Pre-Socratics are much more worth reading and more relevant if you feel you have to read Greek philosophy.

The aim of Greek philosophy is to find a logical analysis of how the universe began, whereas the aim of Chinese philosophy is to have a well-ordered society and self. The Bible aims to save the individual from the eternal consequences of sin and to transform the self into a holy vessel, fitting of God’s indwelling, by God reaching out to us and us accepting His invitation.

Religion and Mental Illness

Schizophrenia was not treated effectively by society until anti-psychotic drugs were created from sedatives in the late 1950’s. The medication has been modified to remove most of the sedating attributes by the first part of the 21st century, so that many people with Schizophrenia are able to live outside institutions. Anti-psychotic medications are able to blunt the effects of paranoia, delusions, and hallucinations enough, so that people can distinguish between them and reality. But there is not a medication that will completely eliminate those symptoms or the lethargy that comes either from the mental illness or as a side effect of the medication. To help deal with remaining symptoms, religion in moderation can be helpful. Religion can provide stability, answers, and useful ideas for secondary treatments.

Many hallucinations, paranoid thoughts, and delusions have religious components to them and sometimes the rituals of religion can contribute to Obsessive Compulsive behaviors. This shows that there is a relationship between religion and mental illness, but it doesn’t mean that religion in all its aspects does nothing but hinder the treatment of Schizophrenia.

One of the reasons why I incorporate Chinese philosophy into my treatment of Schizophrenia, is because although the Bible tells a person how to live ethically and how to have an appropriate relationship with God, it doesn’t tell you everything you ever need to know. Not all problems are entirely spiritually based. A person can definitely learn how to think rationally without using the Bible, but to get the full comfort from religion, faith is a vital component.

Chinese Philosophy

Everything has Qi in it: matter, energy, and spirit. There are five states of Qi that correspond to the five elements. I have Water Qi. I feel like I am floating around from task to task and ideas come to me like streams of light. I desire salty, high protein foods. My symptoms are worse at night and during the winter. I need more northern exposure.

Non-dualism is a major branch of philosophy that encompasses most traditional thought as well as Postmodern thought. Non-dualism is a realization that everything has a duality to it - opposing components that compliment each other. The point is to be in balance, not push towards one extreme that society labels as good. With Schizophrenia, a person has amplified emotions and a fixation on symbols that he finds in places where there are no symbols. The object he fixates on becomes a fear and it grows so large that it shadows everything else. Using Non-dualism, a person with Schizophrenia can see that there is a whole world around the fixation and that his fear is just one aspect of his mind.

In Buddhism, it is said that the Buddha is your mind. Nothing exists and has any permanence except your mind. Everyone experiences the world with their mind and they can’t know anything that they cannot perceive. When your mind distorts reality, you can’t understand that something is just an illusion. This reminds a person with Schizophrenia that there is no way to be able to spot delusions without being on medication and to expect that sometimes everything they know can be a delusion.

Christianity

King David apparently struggled with depression and fear and he wrote about it in Psalms. We can learn that it is acceptable to be angry with God and question Him and ask Him for help. He will counsel you and give you hope.

First of all, Chinese philosophy is more about Psychology than religion. Second, the Bible and Chinese philosophy both have a similar value system and a singular focus on ethics that leaves the whys out cold.

Existentialists of all persuasions were heavily influenced by Chinese thought. Kierkegaard talked about how man had to realize that he was infinitely separated from God in terms of intellect, but that he could live life with an unimaginable closeness with God. Chuang Tzu explained that we cannot be leaders because we are equal to all sentient beings and all life is interconnected. Both philosophies talk about humility and compassion, but in different ways.

General

Cows are a symbol for my website and are significant to me because they suffer because other people treat them as objects, just as others treat me as a monster/freak or don’t recognize my struggles as valid.

I was in charged of the military part of the post high school section of a high school orientation program that our class made with Sony Disc Manufacturing. That is what gave me an interest in graphic design. I got my confidence when I used UNIX in the military. I keep up to date on all the latest software by reading daily news sites about what interests me.

Drawings

Still Life is a term I use to denote inanimate objects that are sentient beings. Just as God dreamt us into existence, so we give human being to plush animals (stuffed toys) and other still life.

I never received any formal education in art other than craft work I did in Cub Scouts and elementary school. I did take one class in Gender and Art and a class in Design for Journalists as they were required classes in college. But most of my ability in photography and drawing on the computer is intuitive and I do not use any methods I was taught in school. There are some strategies I use to draw digitally, but this was something I came up with and not something I read somewhere. In fact, still to this day, I don’t use bezier curves to create shapes like most designers do.

Photography

It was said in the Tao te Ching that the sage knows all things although he never travels far from home. I don’t travel far from home because it is hard for me to wait and there is a tremendous amount of waiting in travel. I couldn’t go to other countries, because I depend on my medicine to keep me in my right mind. I could easily get into a life threatening situation, if I wasn’t on my medicine. I also want people to realize how much beauty their is just in our communities and to respect all our resources and life forms that we encounter.

I have always liked trees, long before I had any connection with cows. Trees have many attributes of God and I feel closer to Him when I am near trees. A tree can be very big like God, silent and still like God, very old like God, and provide protection from the elements like God protects us from potential problems.

Imagine Nothing

I stare at a dim lit smoldering pit

The scenery is the same every day

The more trash they take away

The more that needs to be taken away

I struggle to find an ending

The facts never stop

The theories never meet reality

My fears only grow larger

What joy is there in life?

What can fill the emptiness inside?

My spirit is descended into the dark

I stare at the flashing images on the screen

How can I think of laughing?

How can I imagine a good time?

Will all the days ahead grow in time?

Until the blessed night never falls

I try to imagine a sunrise that satisfies my heart

I struggle through a book to find inspiration for my mind

I stare at the wall and try to think

Nothing comes

Joy and truth are so far apart

The space is wide enough to fit the emptiness of my soul between

Why do I seek truth when it only brings pain?

There are no more abstracts that bring any comfort

Freedom is only meaningful

When the you have good choices to make

Who wants to be famous?

Even the highest authorities have no power

Is there someone who will find a cure for cancer

Or find a way to provide basic health care to all the world?

It is not that they hate us for our mistakes

But the situation that our leaders chose for us

How can you reason with evil?

What motivates a terrorist?

Imagine a world with nothing but facts

Imagine our world

Where temporality rains night and day

Where we have no place for the eternal

Why did Job suffer?

I find comfort that someday all this will end

My thoughts will start again

And the world will be born again

The Meaning of Light

I am aware of the glare of the ten thousand points of light

When I open my door to greet the world with open arms

All independent and intertwined

Sometimes I do not even perceive the darkness

There are a million faces for each point of light

Stretching for more than ten thousand light years in every direction

They are reflected in the brightness of the city below

Standing outside the limits of temporality

He can evaluate every action

He can understand every thought

But I can only guess with my heart

And struggle in circles with my mind

The ten thousand voices outside my head

The reality inside my head has a softer lighting

Every event is a symbol with abundant meaning

It is a stage where plays end and are only visually dramatic

The world around me is not a reflection of mine

There are no answers for the probing lights

My dreams are fulfilled in the light of only a countable number of faces

I am more comfortable with the voices inside my head

Where the points of view are easily resolved

I can always know what is my voice and what is the other

But when I confront the outside world

What should my voice say?

While people and animals are being locked in cages

And while people starve to death and live in fear even in my own country

Are ideas really the answer?

How can I act as one individual without direction?

I used to know all the answers, but now there are no answers

And there is only time to act

Does not eating meat or riding the bus do more than lower my own guilt?

Is keeping my mother’s memory alive just bourgeois?

Does another support group really help people find meaning?

I can look forward to God’s return

We can look forward to a time when people don’t hurry around just to stay alive

Where there is meaning without temporality

Where there is a infinite justice and meaning in the light of the Son

There will be answers but no need for them

let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them. Then all the trees of the forest will sing for joy; they will sing before the LORD, for he comes, he comes to judge the earth. He will judge the world in righteousness and the peoples in his truth

. 78

Mad Pride

A network of support

A group of friends

Even a half a dozen or less

Can change the world

They can release smoke that can be seen around the world

They can turn mountain high towers into volcanic like craters

Is it madness to love your cause enough to die for it

Is it cautious to enter an unstable building

I saw a streak of light

Are we under attack

A jet plume fades in the sky

Are we being protected

Did I spell rapped correctly in my chat session

Do FBI agents think the Animal Liberation Group is a terrorist organization

Many amongst us don’t value life

In the way we treat those different than us

Especially those we don’t understand

In the way we train ourselves to kill the monster in our video games

And how we see environmental disasters as different from acts of terror

Could a support group exist without laws?

Could a community funded group actually work together?

Could a network come together just to find meaning in life?

Could a network last that was based on finding joy in the midst of terror?

Could there be a civilization that was not impressed

by laser guided missiles and electronic eavesdropping?

Could there be special forces for charity work?

Could a group be spiritual without evangelizing others?

What does it mean to hear the voice of God?

What is it like to be his messenger?

Can I have my own free thoughts while I take medication for my thoughts?

Is it paranoia when it is based on facts?

Does your belief in a higher power interfere with your sense of personal responsibility?

Does it mean you are insane if you realize dreams or no less real than the physical world?

Insight never goes unpunished

Oh, no we’ll have to give back the mansion

I don’t care that I lost my husband on September 11

But what are we going to do with just a middle class income

Let’s get it back from the Special Master

I’m glad I wasn’t responsible and didn’t buy insurance

It would be counted against me anyway

It’s unfair how some people seem to benefit from wise decisions

I shouldn’t be penalized for not planning ahead

I’m really glad I can buy an entry level house

It really makes up for losing my wife

She was really low class

She wasn’t worth more than the car

What really matters is that the companies are protected

It would really be disastrous if a corporation actually learned a lesson

It would really hurt our economy if companies had to pay for a rational amount of security

Those multinational corporations only make more than third world nations

Insight never goes unpunished

Joy

The joy of creation

The joy of creating

Which is greater:

Process or finished product?

On the seventh day God rested

But are we yet past the sixth day?

Chubby cheeks

Chips of nut shell fall carelessly

Does he know of terror?

The warmth of the sunlight

Brings a memory to recall

The wind passes by

And inspires me for tomorrow

An afternoon of rest

Heals a not so troubled soul

I return to the drawing board

My life is back to normal

But what is normal for a madman?

Save the Anthrax!

Death by anthrax is not a very painful death compared to death by chemical weapons

Then why do we subject those innocent charged with a heinous crime to a more painful fate

Can you not hear the cries of the least of these?

Well that’s because you have not been blessed with Schizophrenia

Powered by the air you and I breathe

With the power of chlorine you but not I destroy the silent organic matter living on your clothes and not hurting anything

Tough on Anthrax spores and even more deadly to rodents and humans hiding in the walls

Gas chambers are the last coughs of millions of our smallest and most numerous fellow Americans

I did not speak out when they came for the Anthrax because I wasn’t a spore

When they came for me there was no one out there to stand up for me

It is no wonder we are afraid of those that are natives of cow skin and soil

We pollute our soil with toxic chemicals to destroy those of different plant races (except for me)

We feed our cattle what we would be afraid to put in our dumps

We know that the spirits of the innocent will arise from the squaller of their ghettos

What will our ancestors say of our prejudice and injustice

Jesus said how he clothed the grass with more splendor of than Solomon

And cattle were considered equal to humans in that they were a worthy sacrifice and saved the weakest of them

Green the blood of angry anthrax

Brown the gas will end at last

Just ask yourself this question - what message does this send to terrorists?

That we gas our own

Aesthetics and Ethics

There is a subtleness to our Maker

My Creator paints with tiny dots

A hundred people may crash in an instant

But a single person gets stabilized on medication

The God I worship is a God of the individual

He does not make every one get down on bended knee

He is gracious and humble

He gently turns individual hearts towards Himself

One molecule different separates a plant from an animal

If even one of a thousand processes work wrong a person cannot see

My Savior understands the power of one

He provided a way for all of humanity by Himself in just three years

Consciousness is a paradox

Existence is a miracle

Is God accountable to us

Or are we accountable to God?

Is it our fault for not making airlines safe

Or is it God’s for not revealing the plot to the FBI?

Can we create a whole world from a singularity?

Can we invent love?

Is there an aesthetics of ethics?

If what we create makes life better for one person

Is not that the definition of divine art?

Dreams come from the Sky

Dreams are in the sky

They float by in puffy white

Laying down in the cool grass

And counting the floating sheep

I lazily gaze at the now peaceful skies of my home land

Now patrolled by plumes of jet exhaust

Ten thousand miles away

The sky fading and space is creeping in

Bright lights appear in the twinkle of an eye

Flames dance and smoke bellows to form ghostly shadows

Manna falling from sky

Voices raining down from heaven

Will there be others who have to suffer from horrendous burns?

Will charred skin seem genetic?

How far will my country go to prove it is stronger than its enemies?

Will others assist us to hunt down those responsible for crimes against humanity?

Dreams come from the sky

Will my dreams for social and environmental justice arise out of this war?

More likely my country will use this as a chance to limit our freedom to think differently

And our ability to be heard

Dreams are not for the lazy

Nor for the disabled

Freedom comes from economic independence

And spiritual reconciliation

Hate Crimes

In pursuit of justice for decades

Seeking recognition of wrong doing

International hate crimes

Blaming the poor for the crimes of the rich

Picking a fight with people who cannot defend themselves

Running to hide under the skirts of their motherland

Polluting the lochs and brochs of hither Celtic shores

In Lockerby, Scotland Pan Am flight 103 met the ground

And almost 300 people met their maker

And only one was held responsible, less than a month for each death

Christmas of 1979 was a time for yellow ribbons instead of tinsel

A man of peace didn’t have any easy answers

In the homeland of many more than three Wise Men

A place of refuge for Americans far east from home

The culture they once loved

Held them hostage for ten thousand nights

And their ransom was paid

And they were told to forget what happened

All in the name of God

National hate destroyed the lives of individuals

Governments and corporations wealthier than nations

Cower behind piles of incomprehensible legal jargon

Use their connections to control the editorials

Waiting out their time in court

They use their money they coerced from unsuspecting individuals

to finance their face saving maneuvers

One Land; Two Peoples

The Past

They were sold into slavery

They were foretold that they would have the land again

They were persecuted for providing a service no one else would: banks

They were nearly exterminated in death camps for being too thrifty

They bought swamp land and made it worthy of their hostile neighbor’s admiration

They were made into a nation without defendable borders by UN mandate

They were attacked and in defense gained territory

They gave it back for empty promises of peace

The Present

Their neighbors are the victims of leaders they did not elect

The terrorists court them with hospitals and schools

Then the terrorists run and others die in the middle

The Israelis put the terrorists on trial for their crimes

Those in cahoots suffer along with their heroes

Why don’t the Israelis build hospitals and schools too?

The Future

The Palestinians are becoming a necessary labor force for the Israelis

Maybe they can join in the economic prosperity of the Israelis

The Israelis need to convince the Palestinians they are only against the terrorists

Maybe this international war on terrorism will help dry up funds for the terrorists

Great Expectations

The twin virtues

To care and be honest

Is that too much to ask?

How do we care

Without being angry at others?

How do we give the cruel

A second chance?

How can we live life honestly

And interact without judgment?

The day passes by

And the heat grows

Nothing can calm

My pounding heart

The loneliness of rage overtakes me

I am one with nothing

How do I break the news

To my son

His picture is unwelcome

In his grandparents’ house

He does not believe

What I can touch and hear

Everything we give significance

Is born into this dream

With every thought that God has

Something new is born

And with every hug I give

A plush animal awakes

Condensation

A single spark

Can burn down a village

A single shower of light

Can echo for a lifetime

A well placed plug

Can stop a flood

A swig of root beer

Can last for all eternity

Time does not exist

Any more than we are just flesh

More suffering can be experienced

In 5 minutes than 5 years

God can hear a billion prayers

In an instant

A lifetime of writing

Can come down to a single sentence

Our turning points in life

Come in split second decisions

And the world changes

In an hour of debate

Can I experience a lifetime of emotions

In one day?

Will I last a lifetime

Without a split second mistake?

Can I solve our problems

Before I fall asleep?

Will the celebration pause

Long enough for me to find the fatal flaw?

Illusionist

With a gait

As wide as his legs

With a smile

As wide as his nose

He patrols the recesses

Of my mind

Looking to find

The motives of my subconscious

And my subliminal thoughts

The Freudian clues

A bird flies solo

Straight across my frontal lobe

Where there is anger

There are neurons firing rapidly

I wait for my thoughts

There is a conscious pause

Some to catch up

And others to slow down

How do we know

What drives the emotions?

Who is it

That is completely transparent?

What goes on

In the depths

Of the cerebral cortex

Is an insolvable mystery

How can I even know

How I got here?

There is no way

I can figure you out

Ecclesiastes 3:19

In a blink of God’s eye

We share the animals life-span

No one knows the fate of the beast

Back to the earth or raised to glory

We are made of clay

And share in its instability

From nothing but matter we were designed

And back to organic sludge we will return

How are we different

From those we lead to the slaughter?

Jeremiah 9:10

Drowning in our own pollution

Our mega-cities vacant as a ghost town

All this comes from sin

And God’s wrath

God mourns for the livestock

Which he can no longer hear in the fields

Wild animals roam

In what has become badlands

Daniel 1:8

With nothing but the fruit of the vine

We need not feast on another’s life

Daniel was stronger than the king’s best men

Living on nothing but herbs and clean water

Wisdom and understanding, health and vitality

Do not arise from piles of carcasses and the devil’s water

Matthew 25:40-43

Your dog was hungry

And all you gave him was the scraps from your table

Your dog was hot in the car

And you let the heat damage his brain

You left you dog chained up outside

And he came back with frostbite

Your dog’s brother was in the kennel

And you left him to die

You’re dog needed to visit the vet

And you said you couldn’t afford it

As you have done to those which society does not value

So you have done to the Son of God

Hebrews 2:10-11

Christ was the supreme sacrifice

With his death, no animal needed give its life

As a sheep transformed into lamb chops

Jesus identified with our woolly friends

Paying the ultimate price

He asked us to eat His body

And drink His blood

And we are His sheep

To be sacrificed in our choices

Waiting

I walk in and sit down

I am there a half hour early

I pull out my magazine

I finish it in ten minutes

I began to think

My mind starts to wander off

How will I interpret the psy babble?

How will I stupefy my ideas?

I keep looking up

As I hear what could be sounds

Will he repeat the same ideas again

Or will I get some gem of useful thinking?

A calm passes over me

I can survive without him

The room is cool

And it is bright outside

What a nice day

It took me an hour to get here

I had to take the bus

Then walk a half a mile

It is always easy to think on the bus

When people aren’t making annoying sounds

And walking always makes me feel good

At first, before I start questioning my every action

Last night it took a while to fall asleep

But it was early when I laid down

I woke up early and still felt tired

The sun wasn’t even out yet

I watched some news

I looked up - I missed the sunrise

I remember now about my chi

I wonder if he will like that

It must seem strange to a doctor

How people could know so much before science

How they used food for medicine

How doctors eventually became politicians

And how complex the diagnosis could be

When everything boiled down to either yin or yang

Preparation

Good - he’s not in the office yet

Don’t need another one of those

So much paper work

I wonder if I really need to give him this test

Like I’m going to come up with a different diagnosis

I wish I could get this damn computer to work

I guess I’ll have to call the maintenance guy tonight

No test today, I guess

Is my tie straight?

He probably doesn’t even care

Where is my coffee?

I guess I’ll have to call up my receptionist

Bring me up my cappuccino!

Thanks

Will I take wifey out to the opera tonight?

I hope I still have the tickets

She probably already found them

And has bought a new dress for it

I can finally sit down

Gee that was a long weekend

Why does my daughter always ask for money

Right at first?

I wonder what job she will get with a major in dance

And when will she actually start

She is going to be 25 before she starts again

At this rate

I forgot to polish my shoes

Not again!

I hope I get some wealthy clients

When I can only charge them 100 an hour

I can barely pay for my SUV

And second home on the beach

I think I hear the client

I should greet him

No, that would be unprofessional

Come in, now

I’m ready to see you

Hot and Cold

Like the crests of the ocean waves

My emotions rose and fell

As he tried to comprehend my ideas

And I sought to apply his suggestions

Like the calm of the lake

I kept an inner confidence

Not merely a master of intellectual wit

But one who has the benefit of powerful experiences

Like a river high in the mountains

I am always near my source

Speaking rapidly and in sudden bursts

I exude a passion for my case

Like a salmon tasting sea water for the first time

I interpret my background in new ways

Each sentence never spoken before

Each thought given a new life

And each idea connected differently

Than even the session before

Like the taste of French fries

The conversation had a familiar flavor

Addictive and satisfying

There was a depth opened up by a true desire

The darkness clear as day

By the light of knowledge

And a peace illuminated

The mystery of the night

For in the middle of my winter

I burned inside like an ember

Like the heat of the midday sun

Blood hot and palms sweaty

This was another time

Where I was really there

In the heat of the conversation

From my heart came laughter

And I was truly happy

A cold resilience

And a warm character

Both analytical and creative

I seemed unsure of which direction

Should I go

A deep set fear and a hearty laugh

Each aspect showed up the other

Black and White

My voice soft and child like

My inexperience showed through

Like my bright blue bow tie

And my beaming smile

I was outspoken and competent

But inside I felt to soft and easily swayed

I try hard to not be self-conscious

To be nothing if not proud

Of my pear shaped figure

And my big feet

Black and white

Red and blue

I am consoling yet firm

Sympathetic yet bold

What am I to make

Of this deafening quiet

And silent screams

With each word I say

He expands to a paragraph

With each inflection of my voice

His mind is stirred

He is interesting and dynamic

Trapped yet freeing others

What can I say

To one who already has the answers?

If he could just listen to himself

And remember my main point

That it is not a race for an answer

But rather a way of sitting

Not a method of thinking

But a way of seeing

A new twist on his broad background

An open window into his soul

A silence in his racing mind

A soft touch with a strong hand

Something to blend the fire and water

That consumes his heart and mind

Money Drain

I have felt for a long time

That someone is ripping me off

Those balance sheets

That show up with 20 dollar withdrawals

Day after day

Was that me or has someone

Cracked my account?

I was trying to remember

If I called tech support last month

There has to be some reason

Why my phone bill was so high

Each month I clinch

When I wait to hear from the bank

Like my ATM receipts

And my savings account balance

I’m glad I have an accountant

But sometimes the bill changes

From last month

By a few dollars

How do I know what expenses I incurred?

Did someone screw up

Or did I just forget?

Each day that I have the money

To pay my bills

I should count myself lucky

Many others are actually in debt

I guess my burden is not so much

Software Anomalies

I often wonder

How will my page look on Windows

I did stick to standardized code

And it works on the Mac version

But I am not wealthy enough

To afford two at once

I often don’t find features

The developer claims the program has

Do I pay the money for the book

Or do I stick to a simpler feature set

I usually fix whatever problems I have

With my software

But what if I couldn’t

Would I have saved money if I bought support before

I often see discounts on products

If you buy the computer with the software

Should I wait for the perfect bundle

Or go with what I can get when I need it

When I think it would be nice to have

The program that everyone talks about

To collaborate with others

I hear of all these errors

But is it just the competition nit picking

It is a lot of money to spend on just one thing

But will it open many more doors for me

Relationship Possibilities

I always wonder if it is worth it

To run a personal ad

Will I be able to handle the ups and downs?

Will it be a guy

Or a girl into something weird?

Will I be opening myself up to mind games?

Will she get angry with me

And call her brother to attack me?

Will I have any money left for myself

After paying for dates and gifts for her?

Will it all be worth it?

And will I feel

I couldn’t imagine myself without her?

I feel similarly about friendships

They are hard enough

Finding someone who genuinely likes you

But will give you space

Somebody who is loyal

But not a control freak

Someone fun who likes to do regular things

Someone who appreciates little gestures

Someone who I can relax around

Someone who isn’t sizing me up the entire time

Someone I can do things for

Without thinking they are using me

Discredited

Power is a dangerous thing

The lust for power is even worse

Leadership can be a violent game

When jealous is stirred in

When we have lost all faith

In our elected officials

We project our distaste

On those of any caliber

It doesn’t matter any more

That they did the best they can

Or no one can do any better

All we can see is blood

The only reason we can know is oil

We don’t like being told no

And we forget what others did before

But we only think of the mistakes

Of our recently discredited

We can’t see beyond the green

And our perception magnifies their reach

Its easy to complain

And the rage keeps us going

But in the end

What have we done?

A man has lost his livelihood

A shepherd has lost his flock

One mistake and all his decisions are cross-examined

Looking for a pattern of lies

When there stands before us an honest man

All I know

Is he helped me

This leader is a worker too

Shovel in hand and bent over

He puts his hand into the ring

His job is what needs to get done

He is a worker and a leader

Some may call this is a power trip

But I call this hard work

I know feelings are delicate

And everyone wants to complain about the boss

But we have to stop and think

Would another leader be any better?

Would another leader permit

The horse to run unsaddled?

Carrying out coaches and tables

Not asking others to do what he wouldn’t do

He has overseen a face lift of the building

He has completed a major project

Does effort count?

Do results count?

I guess all that matters

Is that we get our way

Are we here to work

Or to vote on every decision?

There are people coming

More and more each month

But he picks up a paint brush

And kneels down to put in carpet

Should we accuse him of not caring for the workers

When he is one himself?

Know your limits

He refers me to the kitchen manager

I should have checked with her first

I wish he wouldn’t get involved in food matters

I wish he knew his limits

He refers me to the activities director

I should have checked with him first

I wish he wouldn’t get involved in activities matters

I wish he knew his limits

He refers me to the director of care

I should have checked with her first

I wish he wouldn’t get involved in care matters

I wish he new his limits

I tried not to go to him for everything

But no one else followed that idea

I wonder why everyone thinks

He got involved too much

Maybe its because everyone went to him first

A Man, Nothing More

Could a broken soldier be the same man

As a tormented artist and suffering writer

Whose sleep comes harder?

A soldier longs for home

An artist longs for something to hold

In a flash of the camera

A lifetime of experience

A pace that never lets up

A falter in the climb

The fire devours the heart

The heat consumes the poetry

A timid laugh

Shame and disappointment disguised

Too long a Soldier Artist

A pawn of no one

A disfunctioning wheel in the corporate machine

If only my mind would turn off

Like the light switch

Belief without doctrine

Names without distinctions

A word created man

A man uses words for the Creator

My heart may be an invention

But my art is not

In plain clothes

I don’t disguise my uselessness

Without personal transportation

Or protein that comes with a face

Too soon a Peasant Scholar

Like a Peasant

A soldier preparing for battle

Smelling a stench that burned the nostrils

I bravely entered into a little room

In the span of several minutes

Eternity passed five times

Alone in hell

I was paralyzed with fear

Compassion was never present

I left with an anger that could not be quenched

Prophet of God

Called to a sacred mission

The only one who could stop the tribulation

Taking the pain upon myself

The suffering of 3-1/2 years in a matter of minutes

The other half as a lonely wanderer

The sun came up and the wind became lively

One life sacrificed for billions of others

I was led by others to a place I did not want to go

Hitting rock bottom

Waking up in a room locked from the outside

My life began again I could not advocate for myself

Hours went by like weeks

Time was playing tricks on me

One freak in a million who lives by himself

This is truly something

Someone who dared to challenge society

To hold himself accountable to both reason and faith

Who challenges himself to create more intelligent pieces of art each time

Who expands to different disciplines as he breaks into one at a time

A happy child with control over his destiny I return to the joy of my youth

Now more thoughtful in word and action

A handicap that I struggle with daily

But without pain

Like a Soldier

Fighting all our lives

For just a moment in time

For that natural high

That reflective sigh

For that minute of silence

When the world stops

And you keep going

That sweet sorrow

Comes when we look back

Nothing will be repeated

A feeling that never ends

The moment will fade

But the silence I will keep

And the tune will play in my head

Humor comes in such surprising moments

But the pain lingers on and drags into hours

What will stop the deep sorrow

From penetrating my bruised heart?

We are most alone

When the other first closes the door

Pain is deeper than a bullet wound

When we have a sorrow that can’t be resolved

How do we fight

With just one step in front of the other?

Sometimes it is harder just to keep standing

We are not defeated when we fall down

Or fall short of our expectations

And death need not be a defeat

But that is not the worst fate

Some fight with paper

It is not how many balls that land in the trash

That measures their success

It is not the expected outcome

That foreshadows loss

Every moment we breathe with a sigh

That is how we know we are alive

Through the hours that never let up

We do our work with less and less hesitation

But it is not what defines us

It is in the all nighters

And the long evening talks

That we remember

Life’s Parallels

Setting down my protective mask

And logging off my workstation for the last time

My duty done

Someone else will save the world tomorrow

I heard God on the radio

Leaving the fantasy world permanently

The world is no longer a projection of my mind

I swallow the red pill

And wake up outside the protective matrix

I followed God through the start of the millennium

Sitting at a table in a local deli

The radio was on for the first time

Reality comes crashing down

Our nightmares are played on the black box in our living rooms

God kept me from sinking into my sorrow

Taking a good look behind

I see some of the past in my future

The old world that my ancestors came from is a news flash away

We are part of them and they are part of us

Time places no limits on God

What separates us from madness and violence is a very thin line

Nearsighted

One day

Dark clouds

Drenching rain

Men carrying oxygen stroll by

Poorly waterproofed women wander around

The next day

Gray Light

Cool air

Leaf acrobatics

Swinging lights

I cannot see further than today

Who knows what is on the other side of the horizon

A day of self doubt and over self consciousness

Or a creative burst of energy

Falling into a depression

Or working diligently at the computer

Hearing voices as I lay down

Or talking on the phone with family

A day of treats and special snacks

Or a day of rice and tofu

Walking halfway across the city

Or waiting on the Internet on the other side of the country

My sinus draining into the night

Or my teeth getting tired from munching

Pushing my cows in their truck

Or bringing out their girlfriends to visit

I will sleep well tonight

Thanks to the tranquilizing effects of my medication

Home Coming

I walk under your emerald arches

The lighting is soft and gentle

The wind smoothes my jacket

The path rotates under my feet

Moss formed patches of velvet

On the outstretched arms

The smell of wet leaves

And scent of rich earth

My brothers hail my return

The tree guardians proclaim "You are worthy of our friendship”

And I answer "The time has come? "

The streaming air and light bring back

A blur of memories that swell my frontal lobe

And the setting shifts

My senses no longer focus on the present

I am no longer a prisoner of loneliness

With one footstep I cross through the doorway

To my city

Loaded with a few belongings

My soul feels even lighter

There is nothing clouding my eyes

And my headache is gone

My stride becomes regular

And the noise grows

I hear people new to the world

The world which you begin to make yourself

And my kids only begin to grow impatient

As I open the door

And set them down

They smile

Southwest

Shadows cover my path

The concrete comes up to meet my feet

I am comfortable on these streets

The buildings and trees are familiar

It is with a steady stride

And a knowing gaze

That I cover the ground to the station

And begin my journey southwest

I uncover new storefronts

And welcoming signs

As the route passes through

The main commercial stretch

With names from my memory

I recognize familiar outposts

The route nears the end

Trees encroach and apartments loom

We break through that dark stretch

And the grass is scorched by the sun

We are now on church row

One on every block this way

I now leave their company

And greet the pavement

With soft steps

It is just another complex

But I take a chance

The courtyard opens up

To embrace my wide eyes

It is not so far from the street

But there is barely a whisper

With each pace my vision gets wider

Benches appear erratically

And grills dot the landscape

The low duplexes guard the interior

And people begin to appear

An open court beckons

And the pool beams

Hiding within the low duplexes

Laundry is refreshed

And I arrive home

What will I do with the second bedroom?

And the extra vanity

A squirrel races up the tree

And I relax under the shade

Of a nearby tree

Upwards and Onward

Happy and energetic squirrels

A bounty of nuts

A tin shack

A house on blocks

A fallen tree branch

A near miss

Mr. Hamburger was nice

The gophers were happy

The Holy Spirit played with the mice

Up early and to the hospital

A spacious park

A box of roses

Games in the trees

Battle with still life

A childhood crush

A broken porcelain

A group of young boys

Woodworking and gluing

Our first house

A mixed neighborhood

A prison like school

Constant pinching and kicking

Failures in the shop

Newspapers for meth distributors

A group of rowdy boys

Alone in the woods

A new school

Multitudes of clubs

Counseling and imaginary worlds

Dead last at the meet

Off the book experiments

A backlog of assignments

A political action committee

Sponsored by the school

Ceremonies and awards

A year of excitement and anticipation

Home from war

Wandering through campus

Behind on credits

Sudden highs and lows

Fear of interrogation

Inspiration and new ideas

Alone in my apartment

Can’t find a job

A spontaneous trip to the hospital

All better now

The Old Church Again

Old and familiar

Putting on a new face

With childhood memories

Too numerous to count

The sound of the foose ball table

The sight of the old house

Hearing new ideas

That inspired us to dream

Of a time when we went to the lake

And played an unusual game

The trip to San Francisco

Wild rides and the shopping on the docks

Retreats for the family

And service projects for the elderly

Selling eggs

And singing carols at retirement homes

Flowing in a dream

Struggling to stay awake

The light was soft

And there was a glow

Familiar faces

Passing by in the distance

Coming closer

Recognizing my smile

Struggling with words

Shock and surprise

Forgotten for many years

The silence was deafening

Each word another lifetime

The stress was growing

Each concept illustrated

In ten thousand ways

If I could only accept the pace

And be at ease with the rhythm

New songs

And familiar verses

A praise of individuality

And an appreciation for the truth

New adventures planned

And phone numbers exchanged

A restful sleep

And some time to reflect

Oregon

The city below is bright

With a thousand points of light

Through the night

I journey in a dream

Before the wagon trains first began their trail

Before explorers first claimed the Oregon Territory

Before lumber jacks sawed half a day

To fell one tree

Before the ferries cruised

Up and down the river

Before this city was even chartered

Before there were Skinner and Spencer Buttes

Before the University was founded

Before even one brick building was covered in ivy

To a thousand years ago

Before the oldest tree was born here

Fishing for salmon in the white water

How the chill burned to the bone

Building long houses without one metal nail

How long it must have taken to raise one timber

Searching for edible plants in the forest

How many hours to find out if it was safe to eat

Placing traps to catch little furry animals

How sad it was to see the first one die

Seeing a full grown bear stand up to forage

How much fear was in the human heart

The wind along the Columbia took their breathe away

While they listened to the echoes of their voices

The desert heat dried their flesh to leather

While they studied the fossilized rocks

Thrown down by the waves along the coast

As they counted every grain of sand in their hand

Wet with dew in the middle of the alpine forest

Arising from the moss covered tree branches

What is it like for land to be owned by no man?

With the frontier stretching limitless before you

A place where there are no roads

And you are the only one of your species for miles

There is no time you have to wake up

And no boss to tell you how to live

Is this freedom?

Greater Family

A familiar face

A gentle smile

A warm embrace

A firm handshake

Thoughtful words

A good talk

Just happened to be born together

Or forged the bonds of friendship over time

The experiences of childhood

The decisions of adulthood

Frequent visits

And routine phone calls

Illness happens to one

Failure happens to another

What a comfort and a freedom

There is when you are part of something greater

These are all a part of family

Just one could not explain the feeling

But there is a greater family

There are bonds that are greater than birth

Many of us are related by blood

From different nationalities

We were all adopted by our Heavenly Father

We were all won back from disgrace

We all are born under water

And are matured under fire

We share a common personal history

Of shortcomings and grace

We share a special meal together

It is the very blood and body of the Son

We meet in old wooden buildings

And cathedrals of living light

Some have broken away for meetings

But all are adopted by the same Father

When one is ill

They use aromatherapy and prayer

When someone fails

We use psychotherapy and prayer

When another is adopted

We have a ceremony and pray

When a family forms within the greater family

We exchange vows and pray

Prayer is the language of the family of the cross

And everything else is secondary

Taming the Mind

Waves lap at the edge of my mind

The interior is a vast expanse of sand

Torn by raging waters

And rugged mountain peaks

It is anything but calm

This is not the sound of silence

Messages fly like carrier pigeons

Familiar with the terrain

The ravens out fly the pigeons

The buzzards peck at the fallen ones

Overgrown brush covers the mountains

And the ocean is covered in algae

Voices from far away echo off the mountains

Voices from within get muffled by the vegetation

Dark clouds cover the sky

And settle down like a mist over the rivers

Lightning bolts across the sky

And knocks the ravens dead in their tracks

Stunned, they fall below

And become entangled in the flora

A thought travels across the expanse

Self awareness occurs

Swift and majestic an eagle soars

Crying out thoughts from the heart

The mist lifts and little villages become visible

The people burn back the overgrowth

Fish team up in the ocean and finish off the algae

The waves subside and gently rock the fishermen’s boats

The people build roads that connect the villages

They send out horses to hurry the mail along

Farms now occupy the land where there once was desert

The rivers are directed to irrigate the land

The natural chaos is contained and settled

Their is freedom from random deaths

Each thought now travels in a caravan

With guards patrolling all sides

The eagles still patrol the skies

And the buzzards clean up the fallen ravens

The inhabitants for now have tamed the land

But whenever the sky becomes dark

They remember what it was like to be isolated and alone

Life of Leisure

I wake up and check my mail

And take my sane pills

I check in with my mom

She cheers me up

Money in my account every month

Except its not really my account

It’s Monday again

I’m about to withdraw my spending money

Satan called and said he hates me

My plush cow wants to play

I fall asleep on my way to the store

The guy on the corner is plotting against me

Another day of finding someone to publish

A Christian Non-Dualist Schizophrenic Veteran

Doing my daily reading of world literature

And reading about more reasons to quit using Windows

And wading through my college application

How long will it take at one course at a time?

The afternoon has come

And my mood has deflated

Will I ever do anything important?

Will I ever feel happy again?

But there is no boss

And I have more time to write

If I really could write all day

And keep my train of thought

I have to see the nurse next month

She likes to experiment on me

How will she change my medicine next time?

Bow wrote his first word - Islam

Beary got his shirt cleaned

I found their hearts last night

They now have a new box for their toys

Commitment and Freedom

A perfectly made bed

And a perfectly pressed uniform

A hard run across the pavement

And push-ups on the living insect ground coverings

A breakfast of hard grits

And salty juice

A bleached protective mask

And a lubricated rifle

A rotating shift

With different days off every week

Are far from a perfect way

To get an edge on life

Running is the only freedom

When you are being put under combat stress

You’re only break is when you are in church service

When the drill sergeant is always breathing down your neck

Over 5 years later

Outside the grip of Uncle Sam

There is a calm deep inside

A feeling of silence never leaves

There is no reason to always be alert

There is no threat of attack

There is no one to make all your decisions for you

There is a freedom in being done with war

There is no allegiance that you have to die for

No commitment that might end your life

There is an excitement that comes

When you can go anywhere tomorrow

There is a contentment that comes

When you know you are working for peace

There is a way that you can relax

When you will not be insulted for slipping up

There is a confidence that comes

When you can plan your own day

War brings nothing good

And being done with it is the greatest relief

Why should we sacrifice

For decisions others have made?

What war ever brought less war to follow?

And when will they ever end?

Maybe if they stop enlisting

The Army will have to cease hostilities

Spirits Follow

I am the wound and the knife! I am the blow and the cheek! I am the limbs and the wheel, And condemned and executioner!

79

Alone in a crowd

All cramped in a tiny room

Locked in from without

All I could see is red

Shivering in torment

Like a doomed soul

Baptized in hellfire

Will they ever let me out?

Alone in my bed

All warm and well fed

A dark cloud rises from the vents

And shakes the window

My soul shivers

And I lay motionless

A wicked voice whispers

My worst fears

There is a danger that is greater than death

There is a fear greater than going mad

There are times when you wish you could hide

Under the shadow of the Lord

There is a way that you could escape

If you locate your enemy

Left hand betraying the right

Your heart revealed secrets to your mind

A dislocated soul

And a warped spiritual dimension

What sword can penetrate to the heart

Dividing the bone from the marrow?

Fighting for peace

Is a delicate struggle

When your home is booby trapped

And your foe looks like your friend

Nothing is sacred

And you are never really alone

The End of Sorrow

Be wise, my Sorrow; oh, more tranquil be! You yearned for day’s decline; it comes, is here: Steeping the town, the darkening atmosphere Brings peace to some, to some despondency

80

From things undone

And fantasies unfulfilled

From out of nowhere

In a sudden burst

Like a blow to the head

A swollen nerve

A weight over my head

Unsteady, I wobble

Things are at an angle

I see in flashes

Quickly to my bed

I hurry as one can

With such a burden

Deviating on my way

Only once I scoop them up

Cradling them gently

Relaxed and soft to the touch

My two best friends are plush

The greatest listeners

Wide eyed

And squinty eyed

We count the sheep

And pull the darkness close

A comforting voice

"I love moo”

And affection returned

A cow kiss

Little hooves

And little horns

In the silence

We turn our backs on sorrow

For a while

And let the night heal

Our plush hearts

Drunk with Purpose

Drunk with what? With wine, with poetry, or with virtue, as you please But be drunk

81

With a steady interest

In maximizing my usefulness

I wake up to the Internet

Reading mail from my family

Sifting through the computer news

I think of something to respond to

To discover different mediums to communicate

To find new ways to think

The world comes into my living room

With the breaking news and inept commentary

I wade through the junk

And withstand the unkind

I look to find my place in the world

Something to make a difference at

I search the classics for questions to answer

For frameworks to give life meaning

And on to hear my mothers voice

What she thinks of my progress

And in the routine of her day

I find perspective to approach my struggles

I feed my mind with thought moderation

I nourish my heart with vegetables and grains

Now is the hard part

The little rodent spins in my head

I dance about the screen

My eyes giving feedback to my fingers

The city just waking up

And making yawning sounds

Soft warmth radiating on me

Shadows forming in the back of my mind

Ideas take form in the recesses of my hard drive

I sort out the poisons I heard

And design a world

Out of the various shades of black for substance

Setting different lights to give texture

Slumped over on the couch

Plush friends in hand

I struggle to make it to my bed

I roll back and forth

Drunk with purpose

Awakening and Rebirth

And in weird shadows rhyming, plucked liked lyres, The laces of my martyred shoes, One foot against my heart

82

Awakening from a long dream

As if in a waking stupor

I began a quest

For women and romance

I wandered in the dance of freedom

Not yet shouldering responsibility

There was a world of my own

Where fluffy cats patrolled

And the mud never ended

Out from which grew the greenest grass

Visions of respect

Coming from the halls of Vala

In a daze of light I a hero

Years later

In a room with sixty men

I lost my emotional innocence

The pain was all I could see

And the quest failed to find the grail

Still clutching on to youth

Fighting for the dream of her

The one I loved

Like a nightingale in the Pit

Coming out of Hell

I was now wise beyond my years

And more foolish than a child

I parted with my memoirs

And fire quenched my desires

Born again from out of the furnace

I walked the path of a peasant

And longed to be a scholar

The following years

Bloomed with new growth

Evergreens were planted in my soul

And the young redwoods budded

Out of the ashes of memory

Not a prophet

Just a disciple

I learned my lesson

And expand my compassion daily

That Kind of Woman

Rattlings of death and rings of muted music make her adorable body rise, expand and tremble like a ghost

83

Independent and confident

Elegant and refined

Like a tower she stands tall

Leaning neither forward nor backward

A top her head a violet waterfall

Framing her long nose and round eyes

A thousand words she tells with her eyes

With danger and excitement she tells her story

Casting long shadows

They are bright and mischievous

Her mouth parts with breath inhaled

There is a glint of star shine

She is worldly and sensual

Many fall for her charms

Face stark white

And lips red as blood

She is strong and bold

Mysterious and hidden

Like a young girl from Africa

Her hips gently swaying

Moving in gentle strides

She has somewhere to go

Nose adorned with precious metal

Looking down her stomach shines

She is radiant and hot

Sexy and charming

Her jeans black and fitted

She walks on platform shoes

She craves challenge

And she yearns for excitement

Desert Mist

Like a clamorous flock of startled birds, All my memories swoop upon me

84

My eyelids are heavy as depleted uranium

My heart is burned with radiation

In a flash of the flares

And in the yellow smoke

My mind turns to my childhood

To others taken away

In the silent night

Fire-fights lit up the sky

One side obliterated in hours

Burning carcasses littered the desert

The Army goes rolling along

Over barricades at 40 mph

Pausing only seconds between firing

The young knights barely of age

Trampling the cavalry of years gone by

I dream of a time

When my boots were always polished

And my shirt ironed flat

Of fears lived

And hopes vanished

The god of war is steel

And the protector is a rubber mask

In danger I plead with logic

And critical time slips by

There is no escape

From the grips of Uncle Sam

This is a time

That I remember all too well

When staying awake

Is the least of your worries

When hitting the target is an empty goal

And clearing your rifle seems unimportant

There are times when you want to fly away

And now I can

But when you are in the middle of the beast

There is little you can do

Suicide seems rational

But that would bring little relief

When you hear "Gas! Gas! Gas! ”

Two and half seconds is not fast enough

Nightfall

Your soul is a landscape rare

85

It is nightfall and my spirit is free

What a relief darkness brings

The soul struggling for relief

From pressure to scream

Black blood dripping on writing paper

What can I say to make the thoughts stop?

Running on empty, my spirit is faint

Sweet sleep comes with much effort

Dreams offer a more colorful view

Of this landscape of my mind

The air is clear and so is my mind

The void is all that occupies my thought

Ideas like the stars are not out tonight

My imagination is held back by dark clouds

Below lights blur into the night

And only the baser part of me is alive

Thoughts come by at the speed of light

That travels 25 miles an hour

People are already beginning to awake

And my mind is warming up

The lights change from red to green

Is this a sign?

Who knows what lurks in the shadows

Sleepy little furry animals

Maybe a duck bobbing up and down

In the gentle current of the slew

The bus comes by pulling the wind

My inspiration just went by

Nothing to do but listen to the sounds

Of people waking up

The train goes by

And so did the point

Zen Dog

Sweeping tail

And running in circles

She wolfs down the biscuit

Her colleague is crunching patiently

A frisbee takes off

She catches it in mid air

She sees water

And she runs in

A rock takes leave of my hand

She dives in and finds another near by

A flock of birds takes off nearby

She points

What is it like to have such a friend

With so much excitement

With no ego

And no wasted time?

Each day she grows more alert

Staying away from alcohol

And hard bones

She takes care of herself

And it shows

With each sudden step

She has an inner confidence

In every aspect of her life

She grows each day

Her mind is full

Of her best friends face

Taking her along on long rides

She frequently stops at familiar parks

And for people they have come to know

Collecting twigs and leaves

They both are friends of the earth

Each time they meet

There is a warm embrace

The food is plentiful for both

She sees her colleague

In good moods and in bad ones

Their fur is the same color

One woolly and one silky

But they come from different cultures

And have a diversity of proud lineage

They share a meal

And each other’s toys

Feelings are shared without hesitation

And communication is always open

Fat Cat

Most Persians are nice

But I am not

My smooched face

Is a product of my distemperment

I go to bed angry

And my face get stuck like that

I am definitely a Republican

I don’t think anyone deserves to live at the expense of others

Except me

I know that I am cute

And I use this to my advantage

I use my looks

To get them to let me in

And then I pee in the corner

When no one is looking

I only like to eat expensive food

Like seafood out of the can

I don’t keep my fur up

I am too good to have to groom myself

I let my peasant person do it for me

She combs out the knots

I growl when she helps me

So she knows I am higher class than her

I love baskets

And still delude myself into thinking

I am always safe in them

As I was taught as a child

If you pick me up

Out of my basket

I grab on to it

I don’t let go

And then drop it down

For you to trip on

Little Chipmunk

I enjoy living here

There are so many nuts

And other chipmunks

To play with

I spend most of my day

Gathering nuts and burying them

I like to watch the people

But if they get close enough

To catch me

I run up the tree nearby

Sometime when we get bored

We throw nuts at the windows

And laugh

As the neighbor kids get blamed

We purposely bury our nuts on the lawn

In little mounds

So when it is mowed

Our nuts are chopped up for us

We are starting to get sick now

As your bug and weed poisons

Are making our kids disruptive in school

And our kids become violent

After watching human children play

Please don’t chop down the nut trees

We have lost most of our forest friends

Don’t let us lose our families too

Fifty Panels (Curtains)

dancing in the wind

fluttering out sideways doing stunts

snuggling up close

swinging back and forth gracefully

slapping each other on the back

doing the twist

riding on the wind

patting each other on the bottom

letting their feet dangle

shaking themselves silly

leaning from side to side

wrestling around with each other

jumping out at me

pushing one back and forth between themselves

hanging in the breeze

jostling each other out of line

The Lamp

pushing her dress down as it flares up

leaning back against the wall

wiggling her body up and down

shaking her hips back and forth

swinging her arms out around her

letting her arms dangle down

peering over the wall

shrugging her shoulders

standing on the tip of her toes

bobbing her head up and down

Smoke Detector

Ever ready sentinel

Guardian of our belongings

Friend of the firefighters

Loud noisemaker

Staying awake all night

Willing to perish in flames

Your duty is your life

Blending into the wall

What is it like not to be conscious?

The Window

You are our eyes

We come to you to think

You are a barrier to another world

But you are a special gateway too

You project pathways of flying dust

You are the death wish of birds

You are an ever changing picture

With one fell blow you wouldn’t be there

The Door

Unless we kick you in violently

You stand tall and straight

Facing cruel storms without a storm door

Your finger outstretched

You are secure

You bloom at Christmas and mourn at Halloween

Picture Frames

You have our loved ones safe inside you

They peer out at us knowingly

Forged of rich woods and burnished metal

You lean slightly to the side

Why are you not straight?

We sometimes blame the ground

Couch

Beloved couch

I hug your pillows at night

You are so firm and supporting

Your back is strong to hold my weight

Blanket

You cover me with the splendor of a grass covered mound

My feet stick out like roots growing under the sidewalk

Your softness caresses even my toes

You welcome me warmly

It’s Growing

I meet the challenges of each project

I surpass myself with greater stretches of my imagination

Each time I complete something new

I look back each day in reflection

It is with a broken rhythm that I follow through

With that which I choose for myself

From writing to reading to drawing

There and back again

Each project something different entirely

But related to every other one in ten thousand ways

Each blurring the distinction between reading writing and drawing

Reaching beyond the limits of distinction

Between the modes of artistic operation

There is a struggle at many points

This creates another kind of broken rhythm

Where the push comes at different angles and in different movements

Is there ever a plateau of peace for an artist

Or is the battle the definition of art?

It would be relaxing to forget about my expectations

And no one would fault me for caring a little less about achievement

But what does that say to others

Who have even greater obstacles to overcome?

With each new project I become a different person

But is it the contents of my portfolio that grow

Or my heart?

But what good is it to grow inside?

But not have anything to give to others

With each word I come nearer to completion of my work

With each second I come nearer the end of my life

How will I make the words count

And the seconds pass by more slowly?

If life is lived too fast

And too much gleaned from too little a stalk

The life of the plant will not last as long

And the sun will fade the life out

Does art even affect others?

Is it too abstract to feel

Or is it just that there are too few

Who are willing to change?

Don’t Look Back

With so little time left

Why look back?

It is not the time to look back

Because I can hardly turn my head far enough to get a good angle

There is little room left for turning around

On this narrow road of the muse

But it might look something like this

Where everything means something

There were times when I could not see

Right in front of my face

There was a fog that never lifted

There was a silence that never let up

The air was blurred with the brilliance of the sun

And nothing could escape the glare

I reflected back the warped light

That shown down on me

And there was nothing but shadows

And bright spots darting around me

What appeared to be the stark truth

Was just another lie

Just another reason

For my mind to play tricks on me

There were times when I could barely hold on the world

And there was nothing that could fill the void

When no one was really there

And nothing was real except fear

There was no reason to keep going forward

There was a stop just a head

And my mind had to get off

With nothing to guide me

But illusions of grandeur

Who could recognize me as a prophet

But my true enemy - my deluded mind

With each step it became easier to walk

And I started walking forward

My mind stopped going in circles

And there was time to stop and ask for directions

Ain’t too Proud to Beg

Please stay for me

It is not often that your visit is so pleasant

What can I do to make you more comfortable?

What reason is there for you to comfort me?

It is not that I need the company

But that you are now a part of me

I do not trust my choices

Without your guidance

It is not that you make such a difference

In the daily routines that I struggle with

But it is the long lonely nights

And times I push to get more done

That I need you most

That no other will work as substitute

Now that you understand

How I feel

I can perhaps show you

The depth of my desire

Without your imagination I can create nothing

Without your intellect I cannot understand why I create

Without your calm I cannot go through a stressful moment

Without your judgment I cannot stay away from the hospital

There are times when you go away

Without telling me

I have a hard time

Letting you go

But that is no reason

To leave without notice

I try my best to take care of you

But you are so hungry for attention

You eat up so much time

And you do not remind me when you need something

I work hard to keep you entertained

And out of trouble

But can there be a time

When you can look after me?

Could you make it on your own

Just one day more?

All I Need

I’m sorry that it happened that way

I didn’t know that I hurt you

There is a blindness with love

That no salve can heal

There are reasons why I do not notice

That which hurts you most

It is not that I don’t care

But obliviousness is common in our relationship

We do not communicate so as to not hurt the other

Why we cast long glances at each other in silence

The truth is just too sad

And the reality uncompromising

What is there to a meaningful relationship?

What would it take to make us happy together?

Is it filled with mirrors and sunlight

Or is it better that it be cool and dark?

Is self love the same as a long friendship?

Does there need to be some other comparison?

Does the mind know the heart as well

As two lovers know of each others likes?

Can you trust your heart

When your mind is broken?

Is there a way to heal both organs at once?

How can one live without either one?

The mind’s heart is fragile indeed

But strong enough to wound the greater heart

How can I say I am sorry

When my heart cannot think without you?

There must be something to do

To mend a broken mind

There must be a way

To learn from the heart

Is the heart the only organ that loves

Or is the mind the only part that can feel true love?

I Wish it would Rain

There are times when the sky weeps for us

When we are not strong enough to let out our feelings

Sometimes it feels like that is the only way

To weep enough to satisfy your heart

The mind is not as strong as the heart

But it feels all the more

Sometimes it is not smart to think with your heart

And feel with your mind

But that is how it usually works out

We don’t seem to have enough sense

To use our organs right

I cannot walk farther than the grocery store today

I cannot smile long enough for you to see

There are not enough hours to sleep today

I cannot complete a sentence today

Without my mind able to do the heavy thinking

My heart is troubled

And here doesn’t seem to be any relief

There is no way to hold back the flood of feelings

I wish I could stop the blinding heat

Emitting from my mind

There is nothing to slow the pain

When the heart no longer has a hold

The One

The words jump out at you

They dance on the page

A steady light to pierce through the mist and shadows

A light that gravity cannot bend

A power that surpasses that of the undead

Like a quark compared to a strand of DNA

A book of the highest magic

A chill like that of a winter storm

As soothing as a glass of tea for a sore throat

A written record that proves history as we know it is a lie

Balrogs and Orcs ambush us at every turn

The road goes ever on and on

He stands taller than an Elven King

With strength greater than that of a ring

The battle is fought even in the Shire

Little Hobbits pass by without notice

The evil within is greater than that of the Dark Lord

We must struggle each year with the pain of our youth

Stepping out on the first day of the Fellowship

Knowing terror lurks under every darkened forest

But that One older than the forest is singing merrily

And in the havens the Immortals sing songs higher than we can sing

We are inseparable with the One even when at the farthest reaches of the universe

Our brothers and sisters move in concert with our every twitch

The words spoken by the Hebrew prophets thousands of years ago

Are a postmodern deconstruction of our present situation

What broke the symmetry of the emptiness?

Is it the same force that has slowed down the explosion of new life forms?

That disharmony increases with every day

That we fly apart faster every second

The Majestic, Down to Earth

A comet down to a meteor pebble

A red giant star to a black hole

The One now just a grain of sand in a mile long stretch of beach

The One now a snowflake in a winter snowstorm

How much greater was His descent to earth?

With the authority to bend the laws of physics and chemistry

With the ability to create life out of nothing

The eternal now confines Himself to a human life span

That which all creation cannot contain is born a helpless child

His head turned down in respect for others

His eyes wide so that He does not harm anything

His feet dirty because He does not think of himself

His hands calloused from His devotion to his family business in His youth

His understanding is brilliant as diamonds

His words are as clear as glass

His insight is like polished bronze

He delicacy in speech is like that of a potter

We are weighed down with worry about how those who hate us will retaliate

The government is turning on those who are trying to save us

Our time is spent working for multinational corporations dreams

Our investments are lost because they were based on deceitful schemes

His message is for our time

Humility and compassion are the keys to restoring our lives

Jesus

Is the universe in constant struggle

Between good and evil?

Does not nature possess more order?

Do we not have breaks between calamities?

Do basic structures break down

Most of the time or infrequently?

Both merciful and just

All-powerful and humble

All-wise yet foolish by our standards

A joke more serious than a tragedy

Is He both opposites at once

Or merely a mixture of equal parts

He is everything

He is my whole world

Yet He is not contained by His creation

Is He merely first order infinity?

Greater than someone could write down

Powers of infinity in an infinite time period

If He were just a Greek god

Or the heavenly ruler of China

He would not even bow Himself down

To visit earth

But He is infinitely greater than everything He could create in all of eternity

Stretching in an infinite number of dimensions if He never ceased

God does not struggle against evil

He beat all the powers of evil that ever will be or have been

With just a sentence

God is God enough to live as a man

Secure enough in His holiness to save all of mankind in a single night

Not afraid to descend into the pit of Hell

And powerful enough to rebuke the Devil himself, in His own name

When we look to God

To shuffle blame to Someone we don’t think will respond

We have to calm ourselves and be rational

God is not a man and does not make mistakes

Our problems are caused by our own bad choices

And the bad choices of others

But He already has answered our prayer

He has shortened the time of the tribulation

And as we pray more and more

It comes nearer and nearer

So we won’t have it hanging over our grand children’s heads

Obstacles

I awake to the sound

Of a hoarse cracking voice

Sharp, shrill, and unrelenting

"Someone stole my cane again

My hearing aids, and my dress

The young man down 3 doors down"

I am the only young man

Who lives here

But not 3 doors down

Luckily for me

I pass the front office

A tall thin man with a cowboy hat

Asking me to help him

In the bathroom

With what I don’t want to know

He is blocking my way

And keeps pleading with me desperately

I pass to other end of the hallway

A lady less than 4 feet tall

Hunched over on her walker

"Can you check my door"

I don’t know if it’s locked

Pleading louder and louder

With urgency and with fervor

And finally she is there

Our savior

The girl from Ipanema

Long and thin

With flowing hair

And smooth skin

She speaks with confidence and authority

Guiding the geriatric along their way

Look Behind You!

Look behind you

She’s coming

I can hear her whining voice

Trying to cover her demands

With a sing song girly voice

A moment later

A not very muffled whimpering

I look down the hall

In the direction of the noise

A large gray frizzy haired lady

Stomps down towards me

I can see the dark clouds

Hovering over her a mile away

Her world is crashing down

Someone complained about the dog poop

They stepped in in front of their door

The one next to hers

The one room she lives in

With 2 large dogs

One she claimed was trained

Its behavior says otherwise

The Dalmatian and German Shepherd in tow

She clears the hall

The smart dash away

Down another hall

Or to their rooms

She sits next to my table in the dining room

She bugs me all day long in the activities room

And now she wants to move in next to me

Look behind you

She’s coming

Old Swings Her Cane at You

A hunchback with a bad blond dye job

And eyeliner put on in the dark

A permanent forced grin

And swinging her cane

At her staggering Lassie dog

And ready for a Russian winter

She can’t seem to remember

What a hot dog is

So the waiter has to go over it 3 times

She is the only one

Who doesn’t need to be here

She doesn’t have any problems like us

Except she can’t remember to pay her bills on time

And can’t get along with anyone

You have to remember that she is too good for us

Playing games is not for her

Her thing is telling other what to do

If she can’t think of what to scream about at you

She will start a long winded speech

She won’t come up for air for 3 hours

Talking about her 3 jobs

All her long dead relatives

She hasn’t seen for at least a decade

How are society is based on someone called Jesus

Which she doesn’t think the pastor talks enough about

Or maybe it is just she doesn’t like what he says

Jesus or the pastor - take your pick

She doesn’t seem to understand when you talk about limitations

She says she never had any problems

So no one else should either

She can’t relate

Integrity

Talk in secret

Plan in the dark

Hide in the shadows

Never disclose your sources

Does it matter

What is right and wrong?

Just shut up

And do as your told

Affairs are normal

They come with the territory

Just don’t make promises

To those you sleep with

Influencing others is easy

Just pad their ego

Speak highly of others

Who think as they do

Administration

Do not be too nice

Or soften your policies

Your hard heart

Might give way

Forget to honor

Those who sacrifice

They should be grateful

Since you’re all that

Send the homeless back

To migrant labor

And 18 hour work days

Working themselves to death

Don’t let soldiers

Return to their families

Or get civilian jobs

It is their duty

To be put in danger

And to be paid little

It used to be ok

To be kind

But people are jerks

And need to be treated badly

Winning hearts and minds

Is said by the ignorant

Who cares what the people think

We don’t need their loyalty

Power

Dividing power amongst the leaders

Will just cause disorder

Leaders should be distant

And unresponsive to the people

If he listens to the people

They might expect something from him

If the leader makes compromises

He loses too much

Why should he make concessions

And lose his absolute grip on power

We cannot serve both the common good

And still defend individual rights

Patriotism means not asking for protections

But sacrificing so the government can take over more

If the leadership does not approve of pundits

They should be silenced and lose their jobs

If the leaders like the proponents

They should make the children study their propaganda

Opinions

Women go downhill after 30

But men haven’t reached their prime until 50

Doctors are just out for the money

Nurses just want extra benefits

No one in health care

Works for anything other than the money

People are unwilling to invest

Even when the payoff is big

And the investment is little

Just bet your retirement

On the latest technology

Its a sure thing

Why be nice to your employees

People only follow dictators

Art is unproductive

And should not be promoted

What we really need

Is more people to sign up for the Army

So we can push around small countries

And more ranchers

So we can have an even more heart disease

Give the taxes to the corporations not the people

Poor people got that way because they are lazy

It is not the government’s responsibility

To look after its people

Plush Valentine

Strong hooves and a beaming smile

I reach out wide to hug you

I give you my plush heart

And shower you with muzzle kisses

I know you like chocolate

Would you like your very own

Plush M and M friend

We can move to the beat

We can boogie-woogie the night away

We can sit together under the plastic tree

And find shade under the brown tent

Let’s share the grass

And roll around in plush meadows

You are always on my mind

Even in my dreams

From when we are set on the couch

To when we count the sheep

Each day my love for you grows

As our friendship progresses

I even care for your child

As if he were my own

Let’s be more than friends

Lets make memories together forever

And walk into the everlasting pastures

Hoof in hoof

New Calf

I am so excited

About your new friend

The little calf

Who follows you around

And looks up to you

And shines when he sees your smile

He can barely stand for long

His legs are wobbly

And his balance isn’t developed

But he has the heart

Of a seasoned ox

With each new step

You record his progress

And he surprises you each day

He still talks in simple words

And is puzzled with most of life

Everything is new to him

And he feels awkward and uncomfortable

When he is alone

He looks to you for guidance

And he is impressed by your wisdom

I look forward to meeting

Your little one

To watch him graze

For the first time

And jump over the fence

For greener grass

Today an Ox

Today is the day

You become an ox

I have seen you grow

In stature and wisdom

Over these last few years

As the grass grows and withers

You have learned about

Your fellow grazers

The folly of revolution

How to cheer each other up

To not wander outside

Developing your inner joy

Seeing beyond toys and entertainment

To a bond of friendship

And taking time to rest

Along the way

You have a love of learning

And have grown capable

To lead entire herds

As each day passes

I enjoy each stage of your growth

You are now capable

Of making decisions for others

And see the bigger pasture

And seek to stop the suffering

Of the steer

Reflections on Soldiering

The room is glowing red

We are convulsing in the furnace

Within a crematoria though alive

We gasp for breathe as though drowning

Little chamber filled with fire

How long will we be locked within your walls?

Large beady eyes glare at us

Telling us to surrender our eyes to the flames

Behind the masks and beneath the suits

Our leaders show no sign of care

No understanding

Of the corrosive atmosphere

Bound within the gates of Hell

We are paralyzed with fear

After spending several ages in fire

The door is flung open

We are allowed out one by one

The burning gradually decreases

And we can begin to breathe again

But at any moment

We may be forced back in

Next time it will be longer

And there is no end in sight

Each day we spend in training

We lose a year’s memory

Our days before we went to war

Fade to be nothing more than a dream

There is no time to enjoy life or relax

When every waking hour must be devoted discipline

Our music is the orders of the Drill Sergeant

And our dance is the manual of arms

Our only realm for expression is in our dreams

And our only book is the Soldiers Manual

We believe in the claymore and in our protective masks

They are all that watch over us

We are free when we are running

As long as we are fast enough

How can I live any longer

With the threat of drowning in fire?

I never would have chosen this road

If I knew what war was like

If a POW camp is harder than this life

And combat is both more boring and more terrifying than training

How will I withstand the reality of war?

How will I become a soldier?

There are no more choices to make

After the one that got me here

There is no independence in the Army

There is no justice in what we do

How can we defend others rights

When we have none?

Drill Sergeant says I am now a soldier

That I have been transformed

That there is nothing but shame in turning back

That there is hope in what lies ahead

That I will not have to face the same realities

The others will have to face

But I for the first time understand fear

And I cannot trust anyone to save me

I am on my own with no one looking over me

Yet I have no freedom and no escape

I feel like an infant

I feel weak and powerless

But there is no guardian

There is no one I know

Dying doesn’t scare me

But the possibilities of suffering do

I see no meaning

Except in avoiding pain

There is no reason to live

And no protection except in death

Descent into Madness

I now know the horrors exist

That are worse than we can imagine

I am now in constant pain

I carry in my eyes the unquenchable fire

The one that never stops burning

I am injured beyond repair

But my country says its not that bad

I cannot study for long

Nor can I concentrate

I manage to pass enough classes

By learning quickly and a good memory

I try to meet others

But I am too tired to extend myself

No one will hire me

Except for a phone survey place

I cannot work with chemicals

My eyes burn even worse in their presence

My paranoia continues to grow

I think I am growing a third eye

Spiritual warfare seems to make sense

But I end up in the hospital

And the doors lock behind me

I am now in Hell again

But only my mind burns

I cannot escape

But time passes by more quickly

I move out to the outside room

And am allowed to have some freedom

I go home

And continue to sleep for long time periods

I struggle to get on my own

And get acknowledged that I am ill

I struggle to read again

And am finally able to write again

Becoming an Artist

I finally decide I have said enough

And my message is complete

But two towers fall

And 3000 people die in a plume of smoke

My poetry reaches maturity

And becomes on par with any other

I am published for the first time

In a respectable journal

I get a Mac and I learn to draw

And then I am able to arrange music

I bring my pain and my hope

To others in art

All good writers are moral

Out of compassion comes beauty

And I have an increasing joy

To draw from

As I learn about other cultures

And revolutionary ideas

Out of the poetry and art

An eccentric blend of theory is born

And eventually a subculture

The theory gets a human face

Frustration

Struggling to lift the heavy lids

My eyes burst open

And I stagger to the other room

With immense effort

I live in a dream within a dream

My paranoia within God’s thoughts

My will is strong

And my spirit unbreakable

But my mind only controls

Some of my thoughts

And my body is weak

And continually asleep

My burden is not light

As Jesus said for those

Who walk with Him

And its shadow is ever before me

When your mind cannot cease

From racing at full speed

And your body is heavily sedated

Everything is a battle of will

And your spirit pushes your body

My heart is pressed on all sides

By my unquenchable emotions

And unmovable flesh

But my heart is still wild and unwavering

How will I complete the contest?

How many years will this situation last?

When you are dead tired

And you are nowhere near the finish

You must slow down and keep going

When you would much rather lie down and die

How will I summon the energy

Without the strength of mind or body

Will I be able to survive by spirit alone?

Do I know how to achieve solely by will?

Each day we wake up and begin

Before even thinking "what next? ”

But at night we worry over

What has and hasn’t happened

If only my spirit could know the rhythm

And my will the attitude

That can harmonize with the Way

And outlast this disease

We can only hope

And pray without ceasing

Heaven and Earth

There is a rhythm that exists

Deep inside your spirit

When all you hear is breathing

And your mind is all alone

Thoughts take flight

And you see nothing

Returning the power to Heaven

And the ten thousand things

Follow your mind

Liberation is a subtlety

And freedom comes from control

The hierarchy reflects nature

And the order is transparent

Within an instant

Everything fades away

The mind is ruler

And the body follows

When the mind is empty

The body is fully alert

With each breath

Heaven takes more territory

And the Earth longs

For heaven’s leadership

A unity exists

When Heaven is patriarch

And his rule is sage-like

And shows perspective

The Way leads to your heart

And is illuminated by your breath

Heaven leads the Way

And each member settles in

For a long peace

And a stable rule

The Way is narrow

When your mind is a casualty of war

It broadens

As Heaven is seated on your throne

Completion

Being finished and moving on

Is a very satisfying experience

It is not that I don’t enjoy

The stages along the way

But the lifting of responsibilities

Is freeing and relieving

Word by word

And stroke by stroke

I put my thoughts

To digital paper

With each task completed

A new one is born

Ideas drift in in waves

And inspiration hovers for a while

The past is very safe

The best protection for ideas

Putting years between yourself

And the project

Not only gives perspective

But affords time for others to absorb it

New seeds are planted

And grow to harvest

No one can take away your experiences

Nothing can diminish what you have accomplished

In every person’s life

There are moments of reflection

And to have something important done

Provides a place of serenity

And a way to relive experiences

While I don’t know

What the future holds

Nor what works are left undone

I can see progress

And I know I have exerted genuine effort

I have fought for those who cannot

In a way that is both obscure

And possibly very natural

That makes it worthwhile

And the effort seems easy

Fallen

I woke up with my human and the cows

Pike had fallen off the bed

I remember last night

Because of my experiment he fell

Seeing how far on the edge

He could lay without falling

I hid under the pillow

When I was found

I realized the gravity of the situation

How could I be so careless?

He was my friend and a fellow sheep

I knew I had committed a crime

Luckily he was still alive

He said "look friend, be more careful next time”

I knew I got off easy this time

He was a good sheep

I couldn’t let this happen again

I would sleep closest to the edge

As a buffer for Pike

Now we are closer

And he has forgotten

That terrible night

I now think each night

How lucky I am to have Pike

What a friend he is to forgive

I realize I was the one who had fallen

I was the one who had suffered loss

I needed God to forgive me

I needed His grace

Without his closeness

I could not live my life

How could I turn my back

On my Creator

The giver of life

I asked for a pardon

He renewed my heart

I live each day

As a new sheep

And my blue ribbon

Is no longer my life

When

We all sit in anticipation

On the bed, on the shelf, or on the dresser

Waiting for the Lamb to come

Now we follow the cows

But when the Great Lamb comes

He will be our Leader

With each passing hour

We long for the Sheep still in his youth

We mourned His death

But He is still perfectly white

His blood washes away all wrong

We try to do what He would do

But the world is getting scarier

Sheep have to sell their very coats for food

And some even like to eat our youth

How long must we wail

For our sons and daughters slain in their youth

And our ancient ones freezing in the rain?

He will come from the clouds

With power and wisdom

And rescue us

Who die as quickly as the grass we eat

And bring water of peace to our pasture

How much longer will our food be poisoned

And our water continue to make us sick?

There is an end to the injustice

Even as there will be and end to the earth

But there is hope beyond death

For all living things

By this Lamb we are saved

From our own foolishness

From our careless mistakes

To live in pastures forever green

And drinking of water that is alive

My Sheep

While waiting for the Great Lamb

I have realized

I have my own sheep

Pike is someone I can reach out and hug

He is my friend

He listens when I am sad

And when I have Good News

He is how I see the Great Lamb

He is willing to talk

And when I do wrong

To forgive me

It is a blessing to have a relationship

With a fellow sheep

We experience everything together

We now fall off the bed together

And we visit the cows side by side

Having fellowship with Pike is very meaningful

We can think of the Great Lamb in unison

It is a pleasure to have a role model

A sheep I can look up to

There is nothing more special

Than our reaching out to the cows

Helping them fall asleep

And being called by my number

With each wobbly step

We come closer to meeting the Great Lamb

Our human reads us verses

Of how God is a Lamb

And how He died

So no farm animal needed to die again

We cheer up our human

And he looks after us

This year we’re going to by in a nativity

To celebrate the birth of the Great Lamb

He was human then

But born in our food box

And angels appeared to the sheep at night

And Pike and I continue to look to the skies

For the Great Lamb’s second coming

But until then

We will enjoy each other’s company

In fellowship with our own personal sheep

With one material, many souls

What is our true self?

What is our true identity?

Are we one with God

Is God in us or is He our true identity?

Is the individual soul an illusion?

Do we only exist as One?

Truly there is something

That unites the universe

Not only is there something

That unites body and mind

But also the same thing

Is the foundation of everything

And there is something else

The same moral purpose in everything

But we also have a soul that exists

And although it may be made of the same

As that of matter and energy and of other souls

The composition is unique

In each one of us

Just as each snowflake is made of the same molecule

There are ten thousand different kinds

Each one is an individual creation

With its own shape, size, and texture

So does our soul have a unique identity

And we have our own special characteristics

So we can share a common God

And we can empathize with each other

We can understand what it is to be human

And have the same desire to know our Creator

But we each have our own will

And we are directed by a different facet

Of the same moral purpose

To the extent that we have cultivated it

To the extent that we desire to know God

Directions

We are all moving in different directions

But our makeup is aligned at the same slope

We can move a mountain

If we have the faith of a mustard seed

If we seek God with all our heart

We can have eternal life

With even the effort of our own will

We can effect great change

As long as we are in sync

With the Greater Moral Purpose

As long as we act

In concert with God’s will

We share the same substance

But we each have a different mind

A different will and heart

We can share in general moral purpose

But each is going toward a different direction

It is where these lines of purpose intersect

That we are linked in a bigger task

Like each cell we live and die in our own timing

We have our own body and our own director

As an organ we are working towards a larger purpose

And in this way we can act as one

Many wills, with the same thing in their minds and on their hearts

With one Leader

We follow with a mind that thinks its own thoughts

Just because we are not the same spirit

Does not mean we cannot work as one in the Spirit of God

We do not need to be God

To know that we are interlinked in relationships

And connected in Greater Purpose

Holy Spirit

These contours upon which we travel

Are the straightest path to the nearest soul

We can know we are in agreement

And work as with one body

Because we understand

We are each separate members

That have wills working together

While we keep our hearts and minds focused

But what is this road upon

Which the mind is linked to its vessel

How does the distinct mind of one being

Understand what the mind of the other is doing

Without asking and without explanation

Without external signal of any kind?

It is like the cool current of wind

In the penetrating heat of our yellow sun

It is a subtlety that unites our thinking

And brings us together for greater purpose

Donning the protective mask

In one fluid motion

Or knowing what line of code is wrong

Just by seeing how the web page looks

There is another level

In which we understand

Another way in which things happen

Than the official regulations

It is how someone writes without an outline

And still puts together a coherent argument

It is in a way that cannot be pinned down

It has no universal name

In the Bible we know it

As the Holy Spirit

Or God in the world

Who brings together His flock

Good for Nothing

There is a pain that is deeper than a broken bone

When a blistered heal does not bring noticeable discomfort

There are times when a dark hand reaches for us

When we dodge but can’t run away fast enough

There is no time that is safe from the threat

When the hand is stretched out before you

There is a pain that does not pass like a hangover

When there is an unnatural anguish

There are things that hurt that have no remedy

When they cannot find the cause

There is a burden that weighs a person down to the ground

When you cannot keep from crying

There is a heat that arises from within

When you are delirious with pain

There is a cloud that hovers over your head

When all you can see is the shadows of doom

There is a silence that rings in your ears

When hearing laughter causes pain

There is a point where you think you will burst

When the moment lasts forever

There are times when you wonder how bad Hell is

When the only escape is death

There is a way that you feel all alone

When in the midst of a busy street and a crowded restaurant

There is time when you wish you were alone

When for others to suffer the same is unthinkable

White

We all bleed white

Hoof in paw

We stand together

Out of beak and muzzle

We speak with one voice

We are stuffed with love

And filled with joy

We gaze steadily out of shiny eyes

We are curious about your world

On fluffy cushions

And downy soft blankets

We lay down or sit up

But we are always ready

To play as soon as you fall asleep

To go on adventures when you leave for work

We comfort your children

And console your sick

We our brothers and sisters

We cry when one is sent away

We fall into depression

When you don’t touch us and talk to us

Dark and Light

My eyes can only see spots

The sun is so bright

The intensity of my hallucinations

Breaks through the clouds without effort

The shadows stretch out before me

As despair engulfs me

With an icy coolness

That makes the warmth fly away

The twin forces swipe at each other

They move closer

Coming into view

They are now in each others grip

They embrace

It was just a friendly wrestle

To see who gets to pounce on me first

Taking turns at my humiliation

What is the meaning of light and dark?

Does light only pierce through dark?

Dualities that are at odds with me

And not each other

When it is clearest in my mind

There is neither light nor dark

There is no shade to hide under

Nor sun to blind me

There is a cool mist

And everything is deep green

The color of life overwhelms me

And the brights and dark fade away

They are tumbled together

In a cycle of moods

Each jarring for a glimpse

Through my minds eye

I am not my own

My very heart betrays

The excitement of the spring dawn

The calm of the fall dusk

Sometimes the brightness

Is just as intense as the darkness

And I am not even an object

To be judged

But just a leaf in the wind

A seed blown along the ground

There is no place that is safe

When your mind has turned on you

Questions about My Philosophy

1. Are you part of my intended audience and why?

2. What do I want you to learn from me?

3. What was the major event in my life that started my studies?

4. What book inspired this study?

5. What is my disability?

6. How has my disability influenced my beliefs and outlook on life?

7. What philosophical issues does my philosophy deal mainly with?

8. What philosophical disciplines am I primarily concerned with?

9. What is the name of my ethical system?

10. What ethical approach do I follow?

11. What is the name of my theology?

12. What are my philosophical methods of inquiry?

13. What Asian religion and philosophies do I follow?

14. When did I choose them?

15. What technique do I use to evangelize?

16. What is the solution to most paradoxes of the Bible?

Questions about other Major Belief Systems

1. What are the similarities and differences between a philosophy and a religion?

2. What are the major Asian philosophies?

3. What are the major Asian revealed religions?

4. Why don’t I study earth religions?

5. What can be learned from each of the major Asian revealed religions and philosophies?

6. Why have I studied Buddhism for so much longer than Confucianism, Taoism, or Hinduism?

7. Where does the Zen in Zen Buddhism come from?

8. Why is Chinese philosophy so suited to me?

9. What is the main difference between Taoism and Buddhism?

10. What is the main difference between Chinese and Indian philosophy?

11. What is my second favorite Asian revealed religion?

12. What are the social sciences?

13. What are the humanities?

14. What is wrong with the social sciences?

15. What is the European Enlightenment?

16. What are some major limitations of the ideas of the European Enlightenment?

17. Can someone believe in the supernatural truths of the Bible and still follow Postmodernism?

18. What idea can resolve the incompatibilities of Existentialism and Taoism?

Detailed Questions

1. What does plush mean?

2. What do I mean by still life?

3. How does still life fit into Existentialism and Taoism?

4. What do I take pictures of mostly and why do I take pictures of these things?

5. Where are most of my pictures taken of and why are they taken there?

Christian Specific Questions

1. What mistakes has the Church as an institution made over the centuries?

2. Is European civilization based more on Greek philosophy or on the Bible?

3. Do you believe that Christianity was given a legitimate chance to show its usefulness as a method of empowerment?

4. Who are thew most important Christian thinkers for you?

5. What were the most positive developments of the last 500 years of history and do they outweigh the negative developments?

1. What are the main values of Christianity?

2. What does Christianity provide other than a means to salvation?

1. Is it possible to grow beyond the first stage of salvation and Christian maturity?

2. What things should Christians avoid involvement in according to the Bible?

3. What does someone have to do or believe to be considered a Christian?

4. Is it acceptable or understandable for Christians to act like non-Christians?

5. Should a person believe the Bible because of rational reasons or by faith alone and what are the problems with each of these views?

1. In what ways is Biblical prophecy useful other than to predict future events?

2. Which major world philosophy is most inline with the teachings of the Bible?

3. Which Christian denomination is closest to what the Bible says doctrinally, by its actions, and by its atmosphere?

4. Can anarchy be Christian?

5. What would a Christian government that was run according to the Bible be like and would you like to be a part of it?

1. What would be the theological problems with being able to travel back and forth in time in regards to the Bible?

2. What theological problems do the possibility of other dimensions and aliens have on Bible based beliefs?

3. Why doesn’t the Bible talk about aliens directly?

4. How would you respond if we met an alien race who predominantly believed in Jesus Christ as their personal savior?

1. What are the theological problems with believing in a literal Heaven and Hell?

2. What is the difference between Heaven and Hell?

3. Does God send everyone to Hell who aren’t explicitly born again?

4. Can you believe in the Bible and still believe in reincarnation?

Mainly Philosophy Oriented Questions

1. Do you prefer to have simple answers that you can memorize as explanations for the problems that trouble you or would you rather struggle to find answers that are harder to explain but are more satisfying?

2. Do you like to read things that you don’ agree with and why?

3. What is the point of studying philosophy and what do you gain by it?

4. What is your favorite belief system and why?

5. If someone disproved your beliefs by argument, how would you respond and why?

6. What belief system do you think has the best response to suffering?

7. Did people always think they way they do today?

8. Can children understand philosophy?

9. Are we taught philosophy in school, should we be?

1. Describe the feeling you get from my poetry.

2. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of my approach?

3. Do you think more people will respond to direct evangelism or a guided but independent discovery process?

4. Can the average person understand paradox?

5. What would motivate you to be creative?

6. If you could be smarter without any side effects, would you choose to do the treatment?

7. How would someone live a life of faith?

1. Is Existentialism more Christian than Atheist and if it was, why did it inspire so much Atheism?

2. What are the main applications of Asian philosophy?

3. Which Asian philosophy would you most like to learn more about?

4. What are the advantages of mysticism and the advantages of rationalism?

1. What is the difference between eternal and everlasting?

2. Is it possible that there is only one way to Heaven?

3. Is it better to have multiple paths to Heaven than just one path and what are the positive and negative philosophical implications of this?

Problems

It is my personal belief, after 35 years experience of it, that there is no such thing as Christian Civilization. I believe that Christianity and modern civilization are opposed and irreconcilable, and that the spirit of Christianity and of our ancient religion is essentially the same.

107

...I deem to be a remarkable fact that man, as long as he regarded himself as a creature, interpreted his existence in the image of God, his creator; but as soon as he started considering himself a creator, began to interpret his existence merely in the image of his own creation, the machine.

108

Most of us know that there is something wrong with the way the world is. Some say it is industry while others say it has something to do with sex, but there is a root problem that underlies all these things. Most people who get this far would say it is intellectuality or ignorance. I say it is the ignorance of intellectuals. And it is not with Science and technology, but rather with Social Science.

Science is about discovery of how God made the world, but Social Science is man’s desire to control the world through his discoveries, which comes out of atheistic and materialistic philosophies. It is a purely modern and western idea. You can see it in the United Nations, for example, where they say the problem is too many people and rate economically developing countries lower in terms of health, education, and longevity than the economically developed countries of the west.

Economics - which we used to figure out how to do the slave trade and colonialism, Sociology - which blindly supports institutions like NAZI Germany and the Soviet Union, Anthropology - which explores the occult of ancient civilizations and advocates for Animism, Political Science - which is responsible for sentencing the death row inmates who were later found innocent by DNA testing, Psychology - where people avoid accountability for their own choices and helped bring about the Sexual Revolution. Culture can be studied in another way - the Humanities - even mainstream western philosophy ended up saying that in the works of Sartre. Our Social Sciences have been outdated for hundreds of years and were a bad idea even at the beginning.

Social Science is based on the thought of Aristotle, where the systematic study of knowledge is not just applied to Science, but to human ideas and to explain human behavior. Systematic studies are not only a very superficial and ignorant way to study knowledge, as ideas do not fit into neat pieces that can be separated, without destroying their context, but are especially insulting and condescending when applied to humanity. The study of philosophy should teach us to question the underlying ideas that brought about the problems we now face in society. Philosophy is meant to teach compassion and humility, but systematic studies are based on ignorance, being lazy and being unwilling to see things, from other points of view. Ignorance is the supreme form of arrogance, because it is motivated out of a belief that other people’s ideas are not worth studying and that they already know everything they need to know.

Dividing human behavior into disciplines is usually done, so people can then specialize in one aspect of the phenomena. The problem with that is that people fail to see the big picture. Instead of seeing generalities and extrapolating specifics, they find specifics and generalize based on them. This is typical of the Social Sciences, where specialists say they cannot deal with a problem, because it is a religious question or a biological question. Questions are not limited to disciplines - questions are questions and answers are answers - the truth knows no compartmentalization. These ideas carry over into the workplace where marketers don’t have any idea what they are selling and they fail to see what the problem with that is. The technicians that do repairs never heard what the sales people told the customer.

Social Sciences are perpetuated in the public school system, health care, prisons, military, etc, basically, wherever there is public money spent on education. I am familiar with all of the above by direct experience, except for the prisons. The public school system teaches white English and American literature, Greek mythology or demonology, statistic-based study of wars based on the perspective of rich white men, evolution as if it were fact, all from sources compiled and edited by the establishment. The administration also did nothing to try to stop bullying. And even at the college level, they pushed the political and religious beliefs of the private donors into the curriculum. For example, in business they taught us to maximize profit, no matter what the cost, instead of taking a reasonable profit and investing back into the product and the company. They also only taught one perspective on economics. They also were unwilling to make any reasonable changes to accommodate my disability, even though just being the opposite sex gets you special preferences, scholarships and services. The mental health care system distrusts and manipulates the consumers and is very negative on religion, especially Christianity. There are also many facts of them physically abusing the mentally ill, which I was fortunate to not have experienced. I think more highly of the military as they are actually far more humane than the other sectors of the establishment and they are tough on the enlisted to train them for war, not for power trips.

The Humanities include Literature, Art, Music, Theater, Philosophy, Religion, and History. These are natural disciplines, which occur in every culture and civilization throughout history. With these disciplines, we develop an appreciation for the spiritual side of life and realize that we are all equal in worth before God. This does not mean giving up modern medicine, with its effective treatment of serious illness that has become life threatening, and the Internet, which brings equality more than any other technology (at least in its fundamental design). We can still study dark matter and genetics, to understand how to feed and shelter those in need. The Humanities give a reason for technology, but it doesn’t work to treat people like a scientific experiment.

Response

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

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Christians need to grow up spiritually and have compassion for others, but this must start with a true faith, grounded in humility before God. To cultivate this we need to spend time with God, especially one day a week during the Sabbath.

I am expanding my scope of equality and respect to all life and beyond, focusing now on plush animals. This is all set in the context of my having Schizophrenia and should be approached with a good sense of dry (or subtle) humor. My book series and websites are about personal morality and how it relates to compassion and humility.

I am a disabled veteran, diagnosed with Schizophrenia. I was diagnosed almost 8 years ago, but have coped with the illness without treatment for 3 years prior. I started writing poetry by myself for someone I was in love with while in the military and later started writing poetry about God, the next year, as I started college. Finally, I started writing poetry about Schizophrenia, after I was diagnosed. In the past 5 years, I have started drawing and can now draw on the computer almost anything I write that needs illustration. I have started a web site a year after I started in college, and now, 9 years later, I had to reduce the files from 20,000 to 2,000 files of original content about about my beliefs: Christian non-dualistic view of the Humanities, in opposition to the inherently materialist Social Sciences, enhanced with multimedia and humor.

To bring to completion without acting, to obtain without seeking - this is the work of Heaven... All men understand that the process has reached completion, but none understands the formless forces that bring it about... Only the sage does not seek to understand Heaven.

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My interest in many things Gothic started at a similar time as I started on the Web and while I was first introduced to Chinese Philosophy. My interest in these stems from two major issues: dealing with my situation and my concern for others who were suffering. I was frustrated with the lack of Church involvement in helping others in need and felt like I had failed in the military and at school. I was searching for a different way to be Christian. I found that there were Christians who believed all sorts of things that challenged mainstream beliefs. One of those was the Christian Goth.

At first I thought I was Gothic and that explained why I was different. It would explain why life was so overwhelming to me and why I wanted to withdraw. I also liked some ideas of Taoism too and thought that it explained what I was trying to say for years. I found certain aspects of the Gothic lifestyle challenging to my beliefs, like the obsession with all things dark and certain aspects of Gothic culture frightened me at first. Taoism was also hard for me to swallow at first, although I tried to accept all the ideas all at once. It was both freeing and saddening to realize that I could only change myself and not the world around me.

Then, a year later, I found out that I was mentally ill. At first, I thought that my interests were too radical and that is what caused me the stress that started the paranoid episode. But I could not swallow down the mainstream views of my society whole. I struggled to even be alone for an hour at first and I could not write for months. I finally made the push to read some more of Kierkegaard and then some Buddhist classics, and as I struggled, my mind expanded and I was able to understand how Taoism and Gothic culture could help me find my place in the world.

I was first attracted to Taoism because of the humor and originality, but I began to realize that there was great strength in its solid logic and in its uncompromising values. I began to realize that Gothic art and music was very Christian in its roots and that it expressed something that is missing from the modern Church. I saw Christianity very differently now and realized that compassion and humility, two things that were most important to me, were at the very heart of Christianity.

I finally found an application for my ideas as I believed that there must be something from Scripture that could be helpful to those of us who struggle with mental illness. I formulated an application of non-dualism to Christianity and explained what was wrong with the Church. I explored becoming Catholic.

I started to be able to see what Gothic art looked like. I created some publications that illustrated what I felt. I found a store in town that had Gothic and Punk clothing in my size and I found some compilations of Gothic and Punk music and it cheers me up when I listen to them.

If any of the animals or great birds happens to become separated from the herd or flock, though a month or a season pass, it will invariably return to its old haunts, and when it passes its former home it will look about and cry, hesitate and drag its feet before it can bear to pass on.

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I thought existentially, from an early age, since I first was told that facts were true and opinions were false. Opinions can contain truths in them, but facts by their very nature are not fundamental truths.

I was always interested in other cultures and saw them as very different, but as I have studied them more I have realized that their are many things they have in common. In fact, there is a common world view that has been traditionally held by the entire world and only modern Scientific thinking is fundamentally different. Scientific thought, what the mainstream believes, is that man is at the center of the world and can take apart and put nature back together better than it was originally.

This was thought to make sense, as, at that time, nature was thought to be very simple, but as we have discovered DNA and quantum mechanics, we are beginning to see how complicated the world is. Traditional thought across cultures tends to look at the big picture first and sees the world as interconnected, whereas scientific thought sees on thing in particular first and sees each part as isolated. Our modern world because of how we have developed scientifically is in particular need of a traditional world view to understand how closely connected we have become due to scientific revolutions.

Existentialism is a western response to the mainstream trying to put human feelings and beliefs into numbers to control them. Dostoevsky said if there was a theory that explained human behavior and was to any extent accurate, people would purposely act in a different set of parameters. In fact, what sets us apart as human beings is that our values cannot be deduced to a mathematical formula.

I use the computer to design with and the program I use for drawings creates natural media illustrations. Natural media makes it look like fine art. The hybrid of natural media and computer generation is a re-creation of a traditional art, as existentialism is a rebirth of traditional thought.

Only if a man abides by laws and at the same time comprehends their wider significance and applicability can he become truly liberal and compassionate

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Democracy creates an illusion that the common person’s vote shapes government, while campaign contributions determine the outcome of elections. While technically in the service of the majority, the effect of the state’s policies is felt at the high and low end of the monetary levels. The advocates of an economic arrangement that claims that the people get more money, as the corporations make more money are usually executives. Our political system serves only the wealthy few, as it is only controlled by them. That our modern theories of equal justice and freedom have any impact on a system that is based on monopolies and dictatorship is a grand illusion. Our precious Social Sciences have failed; we cannot take apart and put together our world better than we found it. Modern progress is a lie. 113

While Taoism and Existentialism show a way in which to interact with the world differently, and our society as a whole could find great comfort in interpreting religion and psychology, ethics and art through these methods, Science in its pure and applied technologies has been able to solve some specific problems that were neglected throughout much of history. Some of the technologies include medications for mental illness and the Internet: very analytical and concrete answers to some very poetic and social problems.

One of the important aspects of modernity is specialization and, in order to find a fit in this world, not only must we find a specialty, but be able to relate with others in a productive manner. We must see the self as a totality, which is fully realized, not only when we see the personality as one, but also our place in society, as part of that whole. Our earlier childhood experiences form who we are, to a large degree, but what is more important than what happens to us is how we respond to these events. So how we decide to deal with others, based on our life history, is what determines what kind of person we are. Our goals are not only influenced by what we have experienced, but our attitudes about it and our responses to it. Hence, we might excel in an area, where we were once deficient as a writer, can be someone who struggles with being able to form letters as a young child, as a designer, who has chronic eye pain, or as a philosopher or theologian, who suffers from Schizophrenia, as were all motivations in my life. Or we can have trouble with enunciating and so decide to avoid public speaking. It is healthy to feel like we need to strive to better ourselves, but this interest must be moderated with a concern for how well we relate with others, so that we don’t drift into depression, obsessive compulsive disorder or psychosis, but, rather focus our efforts to break free from inferiority, on socially constructive activities. 114

The philosophical equivalent to Science in Chinese thought is Confucianism. Just as Science has been the vehicle through which many aspects of modern social movements have their roots, so Confucianism has guided China through thousands of years of stable history. Although criticized widely by a certain group of intellectuals for its promotion of patriarchy which is working against equality and for the brutal means through which followers married state and religion with the emperor as Heaven or God, Confucianism also brought with it a love of learning and a respect for ancestors like parents. These positive traits have been part of the influence my family has had on me.

This "modern" analytical way of thinking, when balanced with the "traditional" holistic approach offers a complete way of seeing the world. As I have a tendency to gravitate towards the intuitive, I have sought to ground myself in an intimate understanding of technology and philosophy, to provide a basis for reasoning out my paranoia and depression. The ideals of the Christian faith, humility and compassion, have inspired people to start revolutions: moral, spiritual, economic, political, or social. But, at the same time, they have also been interpreted as to exist in some future utopia and used to distract the masses, from the present reality. I seek a balance between these in my own life. I am pursuing spiritual and moral transformation, in the hearts of myself and like-minded others, within the political, economic, and social system in which we were born, but look to Christ’s return, for the ultimate fulfillment of Christian ideals.

I created a new section in tribute to my mom, because she is as helpful as my plush animals in the treatment of my mental illness. I have had tributes to her in the past but none was good enough to feature for long until I was able to draw my own material. She has helped me with a tremendous amount of paperwork, which was the most important thing that was needed and has helped me with my finances. She has read a tremendous amount on Schizophrenia, drawing the good stuff from very dense books that didn’t have much useful material in them. She taught me an appreciation for animals and how to be kind to them.

History

Beary and Bow are plush cows. I adopted Beary in June of 2001 from WinCo and Bow in March of 2002 from Fred Meyers. Bow was adopted, to be a friend and brother of Beary. They wrestle and pin each other down.

There are also about 100 other plush animals. Beary and Bow are First Cows and they named the herd Hurd. Patrick and George are their assistants, as Second Cows. Bow and Beary have a seat on my love seat and they have their own little coach and hemorrhoid pillows, in my bedroom.

Beary and Bow are my children and they now have their own families too. I found girlfriends for each of them, Clover is Beary’s girlfriend and Cleo is Bow’s girlfriend. Beary’s child is one and Bow’s is Mocha. They also have pet Al Pachas named Sam and Sally.

Hobbies

Beary and Bow are both into sports and music, in addition to their leadership offices. Beary plays basketball and the drums. Bow plays soccer and the accordion. They also enjoy: playing sports games on the computer, watching non-Disney animations, children’s movies, and slapstick comedies on DVD; and driving their dump truck around. Their most important roles are as counselors for me, as explained in the epic poem, The Appointment.

Why the book series and websites?

In celebration of Bow’s birth in China, I have studied Chinese culture mainly the literature, philosophy, art, and history. Beary doesn’t have a tag on him, so I don’t know where he was born. Physically both cows are Holstein, who are Dutch, and emotionally they are more like Jerseys, who are English.

Music is something which the sage kings found joy in, for it has the power to make good the hearts of the people, to influence men deeply, and to reform their ways and customs with faculty.

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A view of the world, that explains everything as consisting of nothing more than matter, is not philosophically sound. Matter can only be understood by the senses and these are not reliable and constant, in different minds and in different situations. There is no way we can understand the fundamental nature of things as we cannot be objective in measuring our experiences. Because there is no absolute truth in what we perceive, we can only rely upon the Creator, to give us direction and purpose. This understanding that we are subjective and the only thing that has lasting independent reality is mind can motivate us to focus on something other than satisfying our senses, with what we weakly perceive as pleasure. When we focus on matters of the mind, we can feel a pain more real than dissatisfaction: the pain of other minds. This leads to compassion and humility, to a Christ-inspired view of the world. 116

God is not only a creative force in the world, but an individual God, who has concern for each living thing. He wants us to be individuals, humble before God and equal to all living creatures, with respect and compassion for all His creation. Not only does God want us to be genuine people, He also wants us to experience joy and peace, experiencing a glimpse of the eternal here on earth.

In desiring us to live with respect and equality for all life, God does not want us to disrespect others, who are not saved or force our ideas upon them, especially when they have weak or no Biblical support. Not only should we experience joy and peace for ourselves and our families, but we should reach out to those who haven’t heard the Gospel, in a way they can understand. Many people are more interested in ethics than theology. They have a hard time understanding the Hebrew concept of God, especially, when we use Greek philosophy to explain it. If we would just stick with what Jesus said and live that out in our lives, all people would be able to understand what we mean. Many economically developing countries get aid from people living in America for: medical, moral, and sustenance needs, but if the same people would stop supporting multi national corporations victimize these "3rd World" countries, then maybe our faith would be seen, as something special as it comes from an otherwise spiritually impoverished country. 117

We are all connected to each other and our ecosystem and we are facing such serious problems from social injustice to environmental concerns, but end of world scenarios that scare people to take drastic actions may be just as harmful as the status quo. There is no special technology, that will alone save us from our leaders. Our chance for salvation is in a spiritual revival, ignited by individuals, who find ways to creatively limit corporations effects on our souls and our communities. It must start by teaching people to question what we are taught by the schools, the military, prisons, the medical establishment, the charities we belong to, and our religious leaders.

Night Terror for Gothic Theory

As I fell asleep one night, I began to get scared. The shadows on the wall were angry monsters. They had horns and one had a huge face with big buggy eyes that were looking around, as if to sneak up on me. I was too afraid to look around and see if the monsters behind the shadows. I ran to the door and switched on the light. I looked around the room. I noticed, in the corner, there was a stuffed toy with horns and it had a big face with eyes looking out at the sides. It was a very cute little cow. My eyes had played tricks on me.

As I began to fall back asleep, I started to hear a noise, like something walking on the roof and then a crashing sound. I imagined that there were little rats running around the roof and then falling off in groups. I carefully walked through the hall and out the front door. I was ready to run away. I had my coat on and my shoes on. I turned on the light and looked out the door. I immediately realized that the sound was coming from the rain and I noticed branches had fallen down, all around the house. My ears were not to be trusted.

As I went back to bed, I smelled a disturbing smell. It was very acidic. I suspected that some toxic cleaners had been used, by the cleaning help. I followed the smell to the bathroom and realized that it started after I used the bathroom. Now my nose couldn’t even be relied upon.

I learned that things are not always as they appear from a distance. Many times, you have to do some serious investigating, to realize that.

Can not change their mind for Taoist theory

I tried to convince my dad that God asks us all to be vegetarians by what the Bible says. After a flood wiped out all but two animals of each kind, there was not enough food to eat, so God said it was ok to eat animals. Now that we have plenty of food, there is no reason to still eat meat. People were told to take care of animals, like we see people do with pets, but this didn’t mean we should raise them in dirty and mean conditions. Also spirits were given control over us, so if we don’t want the spirits to mistreat us, we shouldn’t be unkind to the animals.

One of God’s human messengers who tells the future, Daniel, would not eat meat, because his food was poisoned. We have the same problem today where meat makes us sick and if we eat too much even kills us. God wrote poetry about how he cares for farm animals and so doesn’t want us to hurt them for food. God told us to take care of those who other people look down on and animals are a good example of this. Now that Jesus paid the price for people making bad decisions, we no longer need to kill animals for God.

I told my dad all these things, but he had some excuse for each one and said they each meant something else. I learned from this, that no matter how good you are at arguing, people will usually disagree with you. Most people change their minds, when something very bad happens to them, or if you repeat something enough times, like in commercials.

Distractions not effective for Modernism theory

When I was young, I had frequent nose bleeds, as my nose dried out, and the blood vessels cracked. In order to solve this problem, the doctor burned my blood vessels closed, with this stick, that smelled like bananas. To this day, I still don’t like bananas, but the smell didn’t make the doctor’s stick burn my nose any less.

When I was older, I had warts all over my hand and they grew huge very fast. I was taken to the doctor, to take them off. They tried freezing them off, which it was so cold, it burned terribly and with acid, which burned for eight hours. Finally, what worked was surgery. But, ironically, the shot hurt worse than the surgery and a number of the surgeries were done over nerves and at the ends of my fingers, so I could still feel the doctor gouging out the skin.

On a more positive note, I ran in cross country and in track, for several miles each race and longer for the practices. I tried to distract myself from the pains I would get throughout my body, as we had to push ourselves to the very limits (even more with me as I was very slow even when I gave over 150 percent) by thinking of other things, but I could have run faster if I focused on just the running.

This is the problem with trying to distract someone from something that is painful with something else.

The present situation, especially the negative part drowns out the diversions.

Train harder than necessary for Plush Cow theory

In high school English classes, we had to write in class every day. We though that it was mean at the time, but I have learned from that to write very quickly and was able to finish college papers, in an hour or two, from start to finish.

In the military, they could have trained us in a community college setting, as most skills were technical but fairly simple, but wars aren’t fought in football fields and in order to get ready for combat, we had to be put under combat stress. That is the reason why Drill Sergeants yell at you and give you no time to think and why they push you to learn so fast and punish you, if you don’t pick up on everything immediately. Because there is no time in combat to figure your way out of situations; you have to know instantly what to do and the main way they do that is by just having the officers think.

In computers and in other types of security, security is not just a one step process. You have to have different layers of security and if you have anything important to save, you must find several levels of protection, expecting that one will fail on you. This is called redundancy.

Whenever a person prepares for something important, you go beyond what is adequate and do more than what is necessary, because you can expect things in life to fail on you.

Consistency for Ecofeminist theory

When working with computers or in combat, one of the most important way to work under a situation where you have limited control is to have consistency whenever possible. When I moved between Macs, PCs, and Linux for a period of time, even the number of mouse buttons and something as simple as cut and paste were all different. Macs are much more of a joy to work with, as they have a much more consistent interface across applications. Once you have mastered a certain technique, when you see something similar later on, you can do the same task and accomplish the same thing.

Consistency is the reason why you have to treat everyone the same who is of the same rank and why everyone follows the same rules. The military is designed to be a culture shock to people, who come into it from civilian life, so that you will adjust to the military way of doing things. Then, when you move out into combat, where nothing can be depended on, at least you can depend on your fellow military personnel, to act a certain way, in specific circumstances. There is one way to un jam a rifle, there is one way to move while under enemy fire, there is one way to respond when you have chemical attack, there is one way to set up a mine, etc.

Consistency is also important, when dealing with businesses, the law, churches, etc.

The Significance of Taoism

Taoism has had a considerable influence on Still Theory. What came out of this study was the first value system which fit my concerns fully. The major theme of Taoism is not skepticism or relativism, but a heightened sense of ethics. The focus of Taoism is not uncertainty, as much as it is on humility. The appeal to a lack of certainty is not for the purpose of lowering ourselves to situational ethics, but, rather to have compassion, for all creation. We are to love creation, because the Creator is constantly introducing new elements into life and fills the universe with His personality.

The Purpose of Gothic Art

The reason behind Gothic art is to show the contrast between Hell and Heaven, Good and Evil, and other common dualities. Gothic architecture came in the 12th Century, when European cathedral builders realized that the walls could be made much thinner and the windows much bigger, if the walls were straight, which did more than just save money; it brought in light. Not only is Gothic art obsessed with showing us suffering, but it also shows a very cultivated and cultured view of beauty. The Gothic perspective reveals that what society labels as good like luxury can be evil and what society says is evil like faith can actually be good.

Theology for Animals and the Inanimate

The Bible never says that salvation is exclusively for humans, nor does it define what human is genetically. According to the Bible’s definition of Christian (having the fruits of the spirit) and Human (made in the image of God) animals score higher than most homo sapiens. The idea that animals and humans are created to be so different comes from medieval sensibilities, not from Scripture.

Existentialism and Humanity

Existentialism simply means human being and according to Kierkegaard it means you can’t be objective. This doesn’t mean that there isn’t an objective standard of right and wrong, but rather that we can’t have the mind of God. Only God can be objective, because we have a perspective limited by our flesh. Animals and the inanimate can have human being, because we are not going by biological or physical differences, but, rather by the Scriptural definition of humanity.

Rationalist Perspectives

Confucianism is the mainstream rationalism of historical China. Confucianism is about respect for authority and a belief that people can learn from others’ mistakes. The difference between this and mainstream America is that in Confucianism the prevailing assumption is that humankind is good, whereas in America, we assume the worst in people. Confucianism calls for us to respect authority, not because they have power, but because in historical China officials were promoted based on their morality, not based on who they knew. Conservatives in modern times believe that businesses hold all the answers, but in historical China they believed that the state was a better instrument of God’s power.

Spiritual Ecofeminism

Ecofeminism is a theory that brings environmentalism, gender, animals rights, and equal rights, under one roof. The assumption is that wealthy white men are the major powers, behind the abuse of all these groups, and that the reasons for the abuse are very similar and can be most effectively dealt with as a group. The main reason why wealthy white men abuse the weaker 95 percent of the population is that they were taught how to think in terms of the Enlightenment. The schools, churches, prisons, and hospitals indoctrinate our youth with: atheistic, materialistic, and systematic perspectives. Young people should be taught, that sentient beings (life or what is spiritual), is of fundamental importance and not how many toys they have. They should treasure relationships and memories, because they are the only things that have any permanence.

My Situation

Schizophrenia is a brain disease caused by genetics and is brought out by a stressful situation. For me and many others, it was the military. The fact that the medicine works - I have not been in the hospital since December of 1999 (I was only in once) proves that it is chemical. Depression, another mental illness, has many causes and could be spiritual as well as chemical and stress to name a few.

I have Schizophrenia and I take medication, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t deal with delusions, paranoia, and hallucinations. There are also a number of other symptoms of Schizophrenia which are arguably more disabling, including: depression, lack of motivation, inability to concentrate, and inappropriate facial expressions.

Modern medications like Geodon do not cause people to be lethargic or gain weight as much as even Risperol. I have done some of my most creative work while on anti-psychotics and the quality actually went down right after my paranoid episode.

The problem with alternative treatments vary according to the methods. Meditation isn’t effective, because it is almost impossible for a person with Schizophrenia to be able to concentrate to the necessary degree. Nutrition has not proven to have much of an effect, but avoiding caffeine especially and sugars too does help.

Bringing religion into it can be helpful, if done as a secondary treatment, in addition to the medication, to combat delusions. Religion alone does not deal with the chemical imbalance. Although non-dualism is effective, other interpretations of mysticism that are involved with the occult are a bad idea. This is not just because they anger God and hurt people, but because a person with Schizophrenia has less control of their mind than the average person and to be a Shaman, Wiccan, etc. it take great mind control. Delusions, paranoia, and hallucinations are often based on grandiose religious themes and so mixing in the occult makes treatment more complex.

Schizophrenia encompasses a wide range of brain imbalances and effects people very differently. After 10-20 years, lowering medication may be more effective.

777 Jesus Won Paranoid Episode

I had been having some problems with spiritual warfare. I had written some stories that I merged my life with Middle Earth. I accidentally put myself under a Witchcraft spell. I walked out of my house that day with my Army jacket. I was ready for warfare. I rushed around downtown. I dropped off my books, that were loading me down in my pack, by the side of the street and an angel flew off with it. I went to the Church and knelt down before the crucifix and prayed to God to spare me. I took my web site off line with the offensive material. I saw "Jesus loves you" engraved in the side of the street that I didn’t see before or afterwards. I saw a double rainbow when I went home.

I made an altar out of our fireplace. I piled in it all my Buddhist, Feminist, and Atheistic books and lit it on fire. I kept loading books in for several hours. Some that I was unsure about I took to the fire place and, if they survived the flames, I kept them. I tore down the Buddhist goddess of mercy down from the wall and our black cat meowed out side. He was in cohorts with the Devil. I threw in the plastic snake in the fire and commanded evil out in Jesus name and turned my back to the altar. I laid on my bed and weeped for the suffering of the Church during the tribulation. I saw a vision of Star Trek as the future. I started singing "Joy to the World" as my eyes were moisturized with my tears. My eyes had hurt for 3 1/2 years before. They needed the salt they weren’t getting from flushing them out several times a day for that time. I looked down at my Bible. It was the Parallel New Testament. We were in a parallel time kept that way by people making the Bible into too many versions.

My parents put out the food for the homeless for the postman to deliver. They spoke to me in code that I was the homeless person this Christmas. I walked out of the house when my parents left. I stood on the porch walking back and forth. The radio dial spun out of control. Many years now went by.

I stood on the porch, until my parents came back. I saw them come back with the dog. I had to decide whether I was going to go out and marry my friend’s sister or go down to the Church to pray. I looked at my bank receipt and then put it in my pocket. I knew when I took it out again there would be enough for my marriage. I headed down the grocery store to buy a paper and look for a job. The paper had on it the story of how the world fell apart.

Only Eugene and Springfield were left. On the front page, they said we decided not to hire you (I had been interning down at the Comic News). I went down to the corner and saw the number to the Comic News on a sign. I tried to hang myself on the sign. I was unworthy.

I saw the parents of my friend whose sister I was going to marry aged years and they drove off angrily when they saw me. I should have gone down to marry her. I walked along the sidewalk. I knew I couldn’t go back home. Everyone had banned Christians from their houses. I looked for a sign. I picked up a wooden sign that said "777 indoor sale". It was a secret code. I covered up the Bible so the devil didn’t know about the parallel time as I walked along. I got on the bus. I shared to them that I was a Christian and I was kicked off the bus with a scornful look.

I saw the devil car pass by, all red with antenna on the top, like horns. I turned aside and continued quickly. I continued up to the church. I stopped, where two ladies were talking. All men were now kicked out of their houses.

The world was controlled by radical feminists. I asked them, if I could go in where it was warm. I told them I was the prostitute. I asked if they were Christians. One lady tried to trick me into thinking that I should go to Eugene to the Mission. The other who was Christian told me there was a Bible study at the Church. It was the only one left. The other church had slipped into just doing good works and lost their faith. I came to the Church and I started to read my Bible.

I sat with my back to the world so no one could see the Bible. I picked a version and read it all the way through the book of John. It sounded a lot like Revelations. I was going to wait 3 1/2 years feeding off the Bible for food. I would have to wait for my sister as the only other Christian on earth. As I prayed I turned and saw the sky change color and sunlight came out and I was warm.

I was happy once I finished reading the Bible and knew things were ok. Everyone was racing into the city as they had been racing out before. Everyone was relieved. God played jokes on me with the signs to relax me. I was too tense. As I walked by now with the wooden sign up for everyone to see I smiled and yelled out "777 Jesus won". A motorcycle gang fled from me as I walked by with the police following them. The same police I heard before.

I returned to the store and picked up a copy of the newspaper. I showed a woman everything happened like in the paper. I also offered one to one of the bikers. I went back home and picked up the mail. All the letters were filled with the number 7. I went down to my friends house and dropped off the newspaper and the jam for the homeless person. I was accepted into the American Legion. As I walked down Main Street I noticed that the wind had blown away large clumps of trees and trash. The city was being cleaned up and there were red bows on all the city for me. I was welcome at any hotel.

I saw my parents and they picked me up.

Early Warning Signs of Schizophrenia

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1. hear God

2. everything works out perfectly

3. crying, social withdrawal

4. finding meaning in everything

5. visions

6. extreme effort for minor chores

7. lose patience

8. stop eating, sleeping

9. books become alive

10. think you are becoming enlightened

11. loss of coordination

12. overwhelming fear

13. confused about time

14. not wanting to see loved ones

15. falling in love with strangers

16. believe in conspiracies

17. think too fast

18. think world is ending

19. stealing

20. becoming violent

21. attempt suicide

Psalms from NIV

Do not be far from me, for trouble is near and there is no one to help.

123

To you I call, O Lord my Rock; do not turn a deaf ear to me. For if you remain silent, I will be like those who have gone down into the pit.

124

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him

125

The Sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

126

Listen to my prayer, O God, do not ignore my plea; hear me and answer me. My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught

127

My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death assail me. Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me. I said, "Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest - I would flee far away and stay in the desert; I would hurry to my place of shelter, far from the tempest and the storm."

128

Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart goes faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

129

Hear me O God as I voice my complaint; protect my life from the threat of the enemy. Hide me from the conspiracy of the wicked, from the noisy crowd of evildoers.

130

Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. I have come up into the deep waters; the floods engulf me. I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking fro my God.

131

Do not let the floodwaters engulf me or the depths swallow me up or the pit close its mouth over me. Answer me, O Lord, out of the goodness of your love; in your great mercy turn to me. Do not hide your face from your servant; answer me quickly, for I am in trouble.

132

Yet I am poor and needy; come quickly to me, O God. You are my help and my deliverer; O Lord, do not delay.

133

Answer me quickly, O Lord; my spirit faints with longing. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way should go, for to you I lift up my soul.

134

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?

135

My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long "Where is your God? "

136

You have rejected us, O God, and burst forth from us; you have been angry - now restore us

137

O Lord God Almighty, how long will your anger smolder against the prayers of your people? You have fed them with the bread of tears; you have made them drink tears by the bowlful. You have made us a source of contention to our neighbors, and our enemies mock us.

138

Relent, O Lord! How long will it be? Have compassion on your servants. Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, for as many years as we have seen trouble.

139

For he has not despised or disdained the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help.

140

Praise be to the Lord, for he has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.

141

I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.

142

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.

143

Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice

144

For he will deliver the needy who cry out, the afflicted who have no one to help

145

I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me.

146

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.

147

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

148

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you

149

Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me.

150

When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, In God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?

151

Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.

152

Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into your glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

153

When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.

154

But the needy will not always be forgotten, nor the hope of the afflicted ever perish.

155

Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

156

Why are you so downcast, O my soul? Why so perturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

157

But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love.

158

On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night. Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.

159

Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.

160

The Poetry of Hafiz

161

There is a madman inside of you who is always running for office- why vote him in, for he never keeps the accounts straight. He gets all kinds of crooked deals happening all over town that will just give you a big head- ache and glue to your kisser a gigantic confused frown.

162

Love is the funeral pyre where I have laid my living body. All the false notions of myself that once caused fear, pain, have turned to ash as I near God. What has risen from the tangled web of thought and sinew now shines with jubilation through the eyes of angels and screams from the guts of infinite existence itself. Love is the funeral pile where the heart must lay its body.

163

You could become a great horseman and help free yourself and this world though only if you and prayer become sweet Lovers. It is a naive man who thinks we are not engaged in a fierce battle, for I see and hear brave foot soldiers all around me gong mad, falling on the ground in excruciating pain. You could become a victorious horseman and carry your heart through this world like a life-giving sun though only if you and God become sweet lovers.

164

I once had a student who would sit alone in his house at night shivering with worries and fears, and, come morning, he would often look as though he had been raped by a ghost. Then one day my pity crafted for him a knife from my own divine sword. Since then, I have become proud of this student. For now, come night, not only has he lost all his fear, now he goes out just looking for trouble.

165

I have seen you heal a hundred deep wounds with one glance from your spectacular eyes, while your hands, beneath the table, pour large bags of salt into the heart-gashes of your most loyal servants. Dear world, I can offer an intelligent explanation for our suffering, but I hope it really makes sense to no one here, and come morning, you are again at God’s door with ax and pickets, eloquent petitions and complaints. Think of suffering as being washed. That is to stay, Hafiz, you are often completely soaked and dripping. The only advantage I can see in this in the Friend’s long-range plan is that when the Beloved bursts into ecstatic flames this whole world will not turn into a bright oil wick all at once, then divine ash, and ruin his winter crop.

166

All the craziness, all the empty plots, all the ghosts and fears, all the grudges and sorrows

167

I used to live in a cramped house with confusion and pain. But when I met the Friend and started getting drunk and singing all night. Confusion and pain started acting nasty, making threats, with talk like this, "If you don’t stop ‘that’- all that fun - we’re leaving.”

168

I can see angles sitting on your ears, polishing trumpets, replacing lute strings, stretching new skins on the drums and gathering wood for the evening’s fire. They all danced last night but you did not hear them. If you ask Hafiz for advice on how to befriend their sweet voices and how to have the nourishing company of the finer worlds I would reply, “I could not say anything you could not tell me.” Then, what was the use of this story? O, just felt like talking.

169

Sometimes a mule does not know what is best for itself. When the mind is confused like that it secretly desires a master with a skilled whip to guide it to the playgrounds on the earth’s table where the Sweet One’s light has made life more tasty. Hafiz always carries such a whip but I rarely need to use it. I prefer turning myself into the prettiest mule in town and making my tail sing knowing your heart will then follow.

170

Poetry of Kabir

171

Slander! Slander! People deride me– folks truly love to smear and tarnish. Slander’s my father, slander’s my mother. If your name has been blackened, you’ll go to Vaikuntha– the true Name’s meaning will set itself in your mind. There’s so much calumny, my heart’s purified– my vilifier scrubs my clothes clean. Whoever maligns me is my friend– my heart goes out to every detractor. The one who stops decrying me is my real critic– such a denouncer vexes my life. Defamation’s my dearly beloved– revilement puts me in its debt. Everybody slings mud at Kabir– my denigrator drowns, I land on the other shore.

172

Madhav, sweet Lord, how will I ever be in your blessed company? If You’re a niggard, I’ll have to beg for Your gracious gifts. Don’t starve your devotee: take back this rosary of Yours. I only ask for the dust of the saint’s feet: I don’t wish to be an object of someone’s charity. All I want is a couple of pounds of ground wheat, a quarter pound of ghee, some salt to go with it: that’ll suffice for survival twice a day. All I need is a cot with four legs, a pillow, a mattress. I ask for a coarse sheet to cover me: You’ll have my adoration. I haven’t been covetous. I’ve heaped ostentation on just one thing: Your Name. Kabir says, I’ve convinced my heart to be content: for when the heart’s content, it comprehends Hari.

173

Hari has sent His Summons– Come Instantly. Your time to act is up– you have to submit a written account of your deeds. Death’s brutal messengers are here to take you away. What have you earned? What have you spent and lost? Come quickly, now– the Divan has sent for you. You beg and plead: "I still have a few things left to do in the village. Let me wrap them up– give me a few hours– just tonight. I’ll cover your expenses. We’ll stop at a rest-house for our morning prayers, when we]re on our way tomorrow." They’re the fortunate ones, all the folks who’ve kept the company of good men, and hence are imbued with Hari’s color– they share in the Lord’s substance. They’ve found perennial happiness, in this world, in that one– they’ve won the priceless object. In wakefulness and sleep, brother, you’ve squandered your life. You’ve stacked up wealth and material things– all of which are someone else’s. Kabir says, those who’re oblivious have lost track of their Master– they’re buried, they’re stuck, they’re one with the dust.

174

O Lord, it’s a conflagration! It’s raging without fuel– one can’t find a man who has the power to put it out. I know it has spread from You– it’s burning down the whole world! The seed of this fire sprouts in water– it douses the water as it blazes. It consumes nine women, not just one– no one knows the true solution. The city burns– its guard sleeps contentedly. He says, "My home’s safe– the town may burn, but my things are unharmed." O Rama, your color blazes, shimmers. A hunchback clings around one’s neck– he worships the instruments of the intellect. A whole lifetime’s wasted in thinking– this body remains unsatisfied. No one’s more dim-witted than a pretender, a man who deceives intentionally. Kabir says, in Rama’s eyes every thing’s a Woman– I can’t do otherwise.

175

The warrior does the warrior’s duty. His stock of good deeds, like money lent to others, truly increases by one-fourth. He kills the living to preserve the living– he gives up his life, yet stays alive and watches all this happen. The true warrior’s the one who does the fighting to keep his promise to protect his clan. He kills the five enemy-senses because he knows the one true Self within. The hermit who has learnt this lesson from his master over- throws his mind right then and there. Drunk on the sense, his mind falls fighting the moment he wounds his target. Only the mind, that self-crowned king, dies in the battle– and not the Self, which never perishes. Love is a void without Rama, it goes about lost in itself.

176

Don’t stay– the land’s a wilderness. This world’s a paltry paper packet– a spot of rain will wash it away. the world’s a garden of thorns– snarled and snared, we’ll perish in pain. This world’s all tree and tinder– kindled it will roast us like sacrificial victims. Kabir says, listen, my good men, the True Master’s name is our lasting abode– our station, our destination.

177

Poetry of Meera

178

What is my native shore but Him? What swims in my heart but his name? My boat when it breaks where call I but to him, time after time, then again? Let me hide, Meera says, in these folds. The tide of the world comes close.

179

Eye-lids that fall leaf-like are not for me. The city seeks its lord dark of hue as a night its moon. Under every leaf have I looked. The lanes, the secret nooks. The city, high on a hill. Below, the river dark as fear without its lord, says Meera.

180

Look how he wounds me again. He vowed to come and the yard is empty - food flung away like my senses - tell me where to find them. Why must you shame what you say? You’ve wisped yourself away, lifter of the mountain - left me here to splinter.

181

He had no words for me. Why can’t my body release me, release me? He did not lift my veil nor move his lips and as I looked for sound I saw the dawn. It’s spring, they say he’ll come. The night is fearsome, lightning shows. On fingers seared with use, I count each instant as it slow breathing goes, then that too is closed.

182

The spring feast of color, with sprinkling and laughter, tastes like dust. Empty the bed, the attic, the fields. My walk swings empty because what weighted my heart is lost. I fear to seek and fear to think. Counting and counting each day, the lines on my fingers are scraped. The drums are playing, the jhanjh, the flute, the one-stringed lute. The light rain of spring has begun but the dark one is from home. Says Meera, I wait. Life after Life I stand by the road and look for a home with my lord, lifter of the mountain.

183

In Shravan do the clouds rush down until the mind is moist. In Shravan does my hope take leaf - almost I hear his voice. In Shravan four dark drums make war - even lightning hides. Rain frees itself and flees - makes in fretwork coolness - in the breeze it’s time, says Meera, sing, join hands and welcome Him.

184

Why I started studying Philosophy and why I stopped

When one begins to carry out one’s decision, care must be taken so that everything can proceed in a comfortable, relaxed manner. Too much must not be demanded of the heart.

185

If when stimulated by external things, one moves, it is the impulse of being. If, when not stimulated by external things, one moves, it is the movement of heaven.

186

I was always philosophical in nature and challenged assumptions that people made. In Middle School, I did not accept that facts were true and opinions were false; I thought the opposite was true. In high school, I was concerned with ethics: animal rights, government reform, and sanctity of life. To help me decide whether or not the military was right for me, I wrote a research paper testing whether or not democracy was the best form of government - making new democracies was an obsession of the state department as I was briefed when I was back east taking part in a simulation of the US role in Somalia. I decided that I loved the United States not because it was a democracy, but because it was beautiful and it was my country. I was also always interested in other cultures starting in Middle School when we researched about the Middle East to try to bring peace to the region - I studied Israel. I also respected my Uncle Clive greatly and he always encouraged me to think differently and taught me to love culture. My father told me I would enjoy philosophy - he was studying educational philosophy and we got into a discussion about it. I was really bizarre in high school and so a number of people recommended that I read about eastern philosophy. My English teacher talked about how Existential playwrights didn’t have characters or plots in their plays and that inspired me to write short stories where all the elements of the story changed randomly.

There was a quiet place in the storms of life

There was a stillness deep in side

There was a silence that grew within

There was a place where you could hide

There was an empty room unfurnished

There was a consciousness that had no beginning

There was a reality that you could not see

There was a breaking off from the world

There was a another that lived your life

There was an absence of self-awareness

There was a way that events didn’t affect you

Mountains and rivers and the great earth are lit by sun and moon; all that is this light. Therefore it is not only within the body. Understanding and clarity, perception, and enlightenment, and all movements of the spirit are likewise this light; therefore it is not just something outside the body.

187

My first introduction to philosophy wasn’t a philosophy course; it was in a literature course. I believed, at the time, that literature was the way to learn about other cultures, as we were encouraged throughout High School. My great grandfather was a missionary over in China and so my mom’s side of the family was highly influenced by Chinese thought and culture. So, to understand them better, my bias being literature, and to fulfill my nonbusiness breadth requirement, I took a year of Chinese Literature. I was very impressed by my professor’s knowledge and I liked how the Chinese put so much into so few words. I read the Analects of Confucius and felt very self conscious. I read the Tao te Ching but I felt was sent into a zealous outpouring if spirit about one of the chapters - it was actually just an author’s note. The next quarter, we were assigned portions of Chuang Tzu, and I started laughing immediately. It is amazing that it translates so well across language, culture, and time. Try getting moved that much by Shakespeare or Canterbury Tales. I was told in class that the Chinese followed Confucian teachings, when they were materially successful and followed Taoist teachings when they had failed materially. And I was having some trouble in school at the time. I didn’t know that I was mentally ill until later on. I wrote poems about Chuang Tzu as the Chinese did and then reinterpreted the outlines of Tolkien’s Middle Earth histories according to Taoist concepts. I looked up Taoism on the Internet and realized that there was a connection with computer networking. So I was going to set up my own server. Then my parents brought me back home and I completed credits I was deficient in and raised my GPA over the summer. I needed nonspecific credits, so I saw that Existentialism was offered at the right time and wasn’t full so I enrolled. I got an A in the class, so I thought I was good at philosophy. So, now as a journalism major, I had a free credit and as most the classes were already full - it took me this long to earn the money - I decided to take a course in Beauvoir as philosophy. This class was the final stroke in leading me to my paranoid episode. I tore up the Second Sex and all the papers I had written and felt better.

There are feelings of darkness closing in

There are teeth that gnaw your stomach

There are words that repeat in your head

There are sounds you hear that are unutterable

There are paths that circle backward

This heart is dependent on the outside world. If a man does not eat for one day even, it feels extremely uncomfortable. If it hears something terrifying it throbs; if it hears something enraging it stops; if it is faced with death it becomes sad; if it sees something beautiful it is dazzled.

188

After I had my paranoid episode, I could not read or write for months. Then I decided to read something worthwhile, because I didn’t know how long I would be able to read. I read an abbreviated version of Concluding Unscientific Postscript by Kierkegaard. He talks about how he doesn’t want to be objective. Instead, he wants to be subjective which is exactly what I told my English teacher in high school. I then moved into a group home. Several of the workers there were interested in Buddhism, so I decided to read some, to understand them. I continued to write up what I had learned. I stopped reading part way through the Baghavata Gita. I researched on the Internet the connection between religion and mental illness and almost ended up studying psychology at a Christian college, but I got stressed out. I continued to look for volunteer positions. I eventually gave up philosophy because people got turned off by it and uncertainty led to paranoia. Another thing that kept me on the path was I was told that meditation helped treat the symptoms of Schizophrenia. I researched this on the Internet but it seemed to lead to the occult, so I never did get into meditation. I learned along the way what Christianity is about: humility and compassion.

There will be followers without doctrine

There will be movements that have no direct cause

There will be a time at the end of history

There will be people climbing a mountain that is very remote

There will be a convergence of past and future

There will be no one to call

Because everyone will all be there

-action prevents a man from becoming entangled in form and image - materiality. Action in non-action prevents a man from sinking into numbing emptiness and dead nothingness

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Gothic Art

Gothic art was the first international style and the first to create fashion. Gothic was never a single style; it depended on local traditions. Gothic art was an advertisement of Heaven to come. Many of the forms were based on function, but began to take on symbolic meanings.

The Gothic style gave an impression of lightness and vertical movement. The features were not distinct and the forms exaggerated, to allow for a steep angle of vision. The pointed arch and the canopy serve to make the figures fit for inclusion into the Heavenly framework. Round Romanesque arches represent the Old Testament, whereas the New Testament is represented by pointed Gothic arches. Trefoils and quatrefoils were Gothic shapes. The statues can be identified with emotionally and feelings can be projected on them. The animated images gave people a personal relationship with God, where they felt distant during communion.

The light coming through colored glass symbolized God, as revealed to us in the form of light, but in a dark and mysterious manner. Light also contrasted with the shadows it also created and showed a dualism of good and evil. The walls were associated with this world and were lit by sunlight, whereas the altar was of another world and was lit by its own light, candles.

The Gothic style was most evident in the city. In the city, there was no feudal system, but it was the most policed space. Every architectural element stood for power. Pilgrims would have measured the distance to the cathedral in days. There were bells that told the liturgical time of the day and at sunset they would see the sun shine on the west side of the cathedral. Statues in the sunset light represented the end of times. In the scenes on the church walls, past, present, and future were combined. New Gothic forms were added onto existing structures. Time was measured by sundials, hourglass, and the stars. It was common to have a pictorial calendar, showing what the people did, at different times of the year.

The New Testament events are symbolized in Old Testament events. This was an interpretation of the past that made it significant to current theology. This was not a developmental version of time but one focused on symbols of salvation. The messages are institutional often, rather than spiritual. The characters were shown as if they existed in the present, because they were part of Biblical history too and it wasn’t a so distant a past. Without books available to the average person, the figures had to be arranged in meaningful patterns and with obvious features, for easy memory.

People wanted their own private relics for devotional purposes. Of chief concern were the objects associated with Christ’s suffering. People became fascinated with these symbols of horror. There were books and even jewelry for this purpose. Man was a part of nature. Nature was both beautiful and fallen, depending on how it was depicted. The blooming of flowers contrasted with them decaying showed the doctrine of the vanity of things of this world. The Gothic naturalism is not a uniform style, but the degree of naturalism employed depended on the message behind it. Nature wasn’t symbolizing reality; reality was spiritual. Nature was still seen as made by God, but it was no longer a range of symbols.

The Gothic cathedral came from the tall tree forests of northern Europe. The foliage on the pillars emphasized the upward movement. Nature was considered to be more benign than before in Romanesque art, where people could handle it and be part of it. God could be experienced through His creation. People hung branches and flowers in the church on feast days and festivals, so the carvings had some very material significance. The plants carved were associated with the local countryside and city. Nature was considered to be a magical force. The nobles thought of a garden as a place of love and something to decorate their houses with.

The animals were drawn from real examples, but rather from tapestries, shields, or encyclopedias, drawn to entertain rather than inform, and were represented as universals, not as individuals. The continuous narrative was employed, showing numerous repetitions of a figure to indicate movement.

The world was seen in fragments. Human and animal are always kept distinct. In the monster, they combine. The grotesque is an important element of Gothic art. They are drawn for things that are not appropriate enough to be described, things that were considered unnatural. They are representatives of horrors of the flesh. They also come from folklore. Grotesques are on the roofs of cathedrals, on the edges of illuminated manuscripts, and on the back of church chairs. Gargoyles are one example.

People aren’t drawn naturalistically, because that symbolizes sin. The first humans that were approved to do naturalistically were corpses. Because of the Bubonic Plague, death became popular in art. The artists were showing how life is fleeting. Before anesthesia, people preferred death. These were depicted in the martyrdom of the saints. This was because there was constant war and punishments were public to discourage crime. The naked body engaged in sex was outlawed, but it was ok to show tortured bodies naked.

Kierkegaard and Chuang Tzu

Mainstream western philosophy is famous for its duality, where people are divided into two groups with the ones in power being in the better group. One of the artificial dualities are mind and matter, but Kierkegaard realizes the absurdity of this, because man is made of both mind and matter.

A more rational division is between living a life for temporal beauty and living a life for God, based on ethics, where each person has some of each. Man exists in time, while God exists in eternity. This is a real distinction, based on humility and taking compassion as a standard, for separate spheres of existence, within each of our own lives. This is similar to how Chuang Tzu speaks of false distinctions in society - society’s duality, especially of good and evil. Its not just opposite like Nietzche said, because the basis is not on trying to be the strongest to survive by competition. The basis is rather on seeing all things as equals as nature/God treats all creatures equally. All are equal because they all are made up of the same thing: broken harmony (matter and mind). The distinctions are between when we use societies standards (aesthetics) and when we use God/nature’s standards (humility and compassion).

Kierkegaard, who finally was nicknamed "Either-Or" on the streets of Copenhagen, was not interested in the Cartesian distinction between matter and mind. He undertook to contrast the aesthetic or pleasure-seeking life with the ethical life; but he came to see that ethical is not enough; the true contrast is with the religious-ethical or Christian life. His world of matter, thrall to indifference - moral indifference? -, where everything belongs to whosoever happens to possess it, is, like the carnal mind, the antithesis to spirit. He sees the gulf, not between matter and mind, but between 1 - man, made up of both matter and mind and existing in time, and 2 - eternity, the home of God and of spirit. This we shall find reappearing almost exactly in Karl Barth.

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It is a paradox that Jesus is the way to God. Since we cannot get to God by achievement, the path is one of humility. Humility is a recognition that there is an infinite difference between man and God, and God coming down to our level is the only way that we can reach God. One can only be one with the Tao through spontaneity or non-political action. It is a gift that you are given by the Tao, through separation from society.

Kierkegaard offers this great paradox of faith: Truth is not innate in man, but man has the ability to grasp it when it is presented to him. The Teacher who presents the truth is of absolute infinite importance,-the Godhead him- self, communicating directly with man, revealing the truth in the shape of man. The Teacher has traveled the infinite distance from God to man to reveal this truth. To get God’s truth, he says, you must believe Jesus, the lowliest of men. Today as when Jesus was on earth in the form of man, faith is born of the same condition, "the resolute acceptance by the individual of the absolute paradox."

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Chinese Philosophy and Christianity

Man is not be nature evil, but became that way after the fall. Both Confucianism and Taoism, the two major native Chinese philosophies, were both based on the belief that man was by nature good but had become unnatural in Taoism, or not followed tradition in Confucianism.

Always mindful of the dominant view of Chinese people that mankind was not essentially evil, Martin repeatedly reminded his readers that man’s nature had originally been good. Evil in the world, he asserted, did not originate with man’s strange customs or ignorance, but from his deliberate disobedience to God’s command. This initial rebellion caused man to lose his heavenly nature and resulted in a life controlled by sin. Even though man outwardly appeared good, he was not virtuous and needed to be redeemed and related again to God from whom he had been separated by sin. Even the small child, he observed, revealed his inherited tendency to sin. He made it very clear, however, that man was punished not for Adam’s sin but for his own deliberate transgressions.

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Jesus died, not so much to fulfill the letter of the law, but to bring about a harmonious relationship with mankind. He died in our place, as the Chinese had a custom where one member of the family could take the punishment for the other member.

Could not God have forgiven man’s sin without the death of Christ? Martin answered that this was an impossibility, since God, unlike man who no longer had a sense of holiness, must satisfy both his mercy and his justice. He illustrated this teaching with a story that Chinese, who emphasize harmonious relationships more than the letter of the law, may have found difficult to comprehend. A Grecian king had ruled that the sin of adultery would be punished by removing the offender’s two eyes. When he found that his own son was guilty, he sought a method that would show mercy and yet meet the requirements of the law. He solved his dilemma by extracting one of his son’s eyes and one of his own. Martin applied this by noting that the “country’s law” permitted a relative to serve as an offender’s “middleman,” and that this was the relationship in which Jesus stood to God and man in satisfying divine mercy and divine justice.

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Wholeness Christianity

Embracing both theology and ethics, Wholeness Christianity is a way and a reason. This system combines the factual truth of Jesus, as part of a miraculous history and a future of redemption and the expressions of that faith in acts of compassion, done with an inward humility. In this system, we believe that God raised Jesus from the dead and that we should be kind and sensitive, in response to this historical fact.

1. Believe that all creatures are not good enough to enter Heaven, but that they can come in by their sorrow for not following God’s natural laws, because Jesus paid the price for their mistakes.

2. Believe that our faith is only genuine, when we do thoughtful things for those, who are most in need, based on what we are good at.

According to Freud and many other critics of religion, Christians often practice religion with unconscious personal agendas and conscious moral expectations conflicting. Freud and many psychologists see religion as a problem, because they see Christians that don’t change their character and grow internally, but rather develop rituals to cover up their underlying rebellion from God’s will, and deny their real motives to their conscious mind. He believes that Eucharist, Lord’s Prayer, Apostles Creed, Worship Hymns, and other Christian ceremonies are performed by many without concentration or understanding of the meaning. He believes that they are motivated solely by guilt and closely resemble obsessive compulsive disorder. And that Christians routinely project their sin on society, other countries, the devil, or other people.

He supports the claim that many Christians make a one way covenant with God, by doing in excess of what God calls us to do in one area, to make up for the fact that they are living in habitual sin, in another area. Wholeness Christianity is a way back to the heart, or the “Id” of Christianity, where God desires for His people to deny themselves not by giving away all their belongings, doing a certain kind of job, or praying a certain way, but by changing their attitudes and motivations of their souls.

This issue is common to all religions and in some of Freud’s in depth analysis, he used earth religions as examples. I personally know a Buddhist who uses his atheism as a way to cover up his immaturity and is motivated by pride more than anything else. He picks and chooses components of his lifestyle from different philosophies and religions, without understanding the meaning behind the beliefs. He also is in-genuine and inconsistent in his application of Buddhist ethics.

Taoism is an important philosophy, to understand Christianity, because of the metaphysical concept of emptiness and its corresponding ethical concept of non-dualism. Many people think in terms of black and white or shades of gray: either in absolutes or situational ethics. The ethics of non-dualism, on the other hand is about thinking in terms of paradox. In the symbol of yin and yang, the yin has a seed in the yang and vice versa; any time you go to any extreme there is an element of the other extreme. Case in point: communism is seen of theoretically as the opposite of dictatorship, but in practice it is often very similar. If you try to be perfect, you end up being self-righteous; it is better to just act without thinking so much. In a number of not very well understood, but often quoted eastern philosophies, the absolute is represented by the metaphysical concept of emptiness. In Taoism, Chuang Tzu speaks of society always arguing between seeming opposites, by making false distinctions between them. Chuang Tzu is very practical and so applies this to society’s ethical dualism of good and evil, which he rejects in favor of a more philosophically sound distinction between, with what is natural and what is not natural. Through meditation, a practical application of emptiness, a person finds their inner voice and behaves genuinely, without focusing on false distinctions, between natural parts of life, which cause suffering, like seeing death and life, or the useful and useless as being good or evil. Taoist ethics are important to Christianity because they focuses the Gospel, the Psalms, and the Prophets on the main principles of humility and compassion, which are fully realized in Jesus Christ’s humility to be human and compassion to die on the cross. Emptiness keeps people from petty fighting over an ignorance of paradox so that we can see the classical struggles between concepts of: predestination and free will, God being three and one, Jesus being fully man and fully God, good works and faith as each being two parts of an undivided whole. We gain humility because we cannot make theology systematic, we do not think of ourselves as being perfect and act legalistically. The compassion arises out of being at harmony with one another, through contemplation of how we are all part of one another in the circle of life and, from a Christian point of view, through accepting the peace of the Holy Spirit and acting together through His power.

Since my youth, I desired to find a church that was humble and compassionate, but it was hard for me to understand why these qualities were important to me. It wasn’t until I was reading through Jeremiah in college that I realized that God admired these same qualities. It certainly wasn’t anything I learned from the various Protestant churches that I have attended.

But the first Sunday I attended the local Catholic church they talked about how the law taught by Jesus was about love, not rules. This was something I knew of course, but I never heard a Protestant minister say. I checked out their web site before so I knew they were committed to service in areas that really are close to my heart: unwed mothers and the poor. I could have been poor if I didn’t serve in the military before, since I am mentally ill and can’t work. And my dad passed on to my the importance of sanctity of life.

I tried the Catholic church, out of desperation, from not finding any Protestant churches that seemed committed to service. After reading through the brochure, I received from the Catholic church as well as a book on common misconceptions about Catholicism, I felt like I was asking the wrong question.

The question wasn’t why did I turn to the Catholic church, but why did I stay with the Protestant church so long? It has to do with a lot of things I have heard second hand. This is the reason most people stay away from something that would be good for them. It is funny that I didn’t research this before as I earned about Chinese philosophy and Existentialism in college and was open minded about that.

I so far learned that: Catholics don’t worship Mary any more than the average Protestant worships their deacons; the pope doesn’t change theology - he only changes policy; Catholics don’t believe that you have to do a certain amount of works to be saved, but that salvation is a process rather than an instantaneous event (although explained with different terminology is not actually different than Protestants believe).

I have been baptized at an early age for a Protestant - 8. I am born again but I believe there is more to salvation then just accepting Christ as your savior. Not that you can earn it, but that there should be some way to express it. I help others with my money by: wearing simple clothing, using public transportation, using inexpensive software, not eating beef, using used furniture, giving to help those society does not value, not using leather, and using cruelty free shampoo. I have struggled to find a way to volunteer for others with my limitations - currently I help others with my website with the following: Liberation Psychology to relieve emotional pain, Philosophy of Fun to relieve economic problems, Existential ethics to reduce the physical pain of others, Still Theory to reduce spiritual pain, my drawings to provide humorous relief, my photographs to show the beauty all around us, my computer information to help others save money and help others creatively.

But I would like to have my faith and my service connected, so it would be a witness to others. Now that I don’t have to compromise on theology, I believe that I should be part of the same Church that Peter started. I look forward to becoming part of the rich heritage of the original church. I have also started reading about some of the Christian mystics of the Middle Ages and it is exciting and meaningful to anticipate being part of this same church.

1. God invented sex

2. Adam was a biologist

3. Noah was an environmentalist

4. Canaan (all died off) was cursed, not Ham or Africans

5. Job had a terminal disease

6. Abraham lied

7. Ishmael was blessed (Arabs)

8. Jacob was a body builder

9. Joseph was sexually harassed

10. Joseph was a psychologist

11. Joseph did Kenysian economic policies

12. Moses was an unwanted child

13. Moses had a lisp

14. The donkey spoke out to Balaam for animal rights

15. Rahab was a prostitute

16. The walls of Jericho fell down with trumpets

17. Deborah was a prophetess

18. Samson had long hair

19. Ruth was a migrant laborer

20. Samuel heard voices

21. King David had an affair

22. Solomon wrote erotic poetry

23. Nehemiah led refugees

24. Esther fought for equal rights

25. Ezekiel saw UFOs

26. Daniel was a vegetarian

27. John the Baptist was counterculture

28. Mary was an unwed mother

29. Jesus was born into poverty and homelessness

30. Jesus stood up for children’s rights

31. Jesus drank alcohol

32. Jesus was only judgmental of the intolerant hypocrites, not outcasts

33. Lazarus was brain dead

34. Mary Magdalene wasn’t in the kitchen

35. Zachias was short

36. Paul was an intellectual

37. Peter was reprimanded by Paul

38. Heaven will be multicultural

God wants us to be genuine and is willing to look past our faults and enjoys our quirks. People who are mean to others and claim they do not sin anymore were never Christians to begin with and will not go to Heaven. God just wants us to admit we cannot be good enough to get into Heaven and let him change us into a nice person.

The Book of Ben

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1. Commercials shall serve in the place of debates in the new order.

2. The people shall vote for the candidate who spends the most.

3. Whosoever challenges the leading candidate will be slung mud at.

4. Those who have the money will have adequate representation in court.

5. Success in court is won by the side with the most skilled attorney.

1. The highest grade point average is a sign of genius.

2. Test scores should be determiners of self worth.

3. The level of schooling completed by the age of 25 is a foreshadowing of your success in life.

4. Without personal tutoring, you are bound to fail.

5. If your paper is of publishing quality, the grade doesn’t matter.

1. The length of time abroad will be a determiner of how many friends you will have.

2. The number of languages you speak doesn’t matter as long as you can afford a tour guide.

3. The only important places to visit are the ones in your tour handouts.

4. Giving to beggars is a wise display of your wealth.

5. Burglaries only happen in movies.

1. The product quality doesn’t matter if the price is low enough.

2. The product usefulness is only important as it is reflected in the commercial.

3. Repetition determines the truth of a fact.

4. The packaging is more important than the product.

5. Always cut product quality and employees when downsizing.

1. More is always better when it comes to decorating.

2. Things that kill bugs won’t hurt humans.

3. Smart people can do any home improvement without reading instructions.

4. If the taxes go up, then the house must be worth more.

5. Zoning is only important to know for Realtors.

1. Health warnings are just suggestions from bureaucrats.

2. Whatever doesn’t make you throw up is good for you.

3. Dieting is sabotaging your stomach.

4. If one pill makes you feel better, then two pills would make you feel better than that.

5. When the infection stops spreading, then you can stop taking your medicine.

1. Video games burn calories and are a complete cardiovascular workout.

2. Movies look much better when they are displayed twice as small on your computer.

3. The prestige of being able to sneak alcoholic beverages into a football game makes it better than watching at home.

4. If you yell loud enough at game shows on your TV they might change their answers.

5. Being able to understand the lyrics to songs usually detracts from the artistic integrity of the performer.

1. The more you pay for a computer, the better it must be.

2. People without High Definition TV will feel deprived.

3. Brand names make the electronics work better.

4. A person won’t be able to appreciate the music if they can’t hear it across the entire sound spectrum.

5. Digital devices are always better even if you don’t have a computer.

Heaven and Earth

There is a rhythm that exists

Deep inside your spirit

When all you hear is breathing

And your mind is all alone

Thoughts take flight

And you see nothing

Returning the power to Heaven

And the ten thousand things

Follow your mind

Liberation is a subtlety

And freedom comes from control

The hierarchy reflects nature

And the order is transparent

Within an instant

Everything fades away

The mind is ruler

And the body follows

When the mind is empty

The body is fully alert

With each breath

Heaven takes more territory

And the Earth longs

For Heaven’s leadership

A unity exists

When Heaven is patriarch

And his rule is sage-like

And shows perspective

The Way leads to your heart

And is illuminated by your breath

Heaven leads the Way

And each member settles in

For a long peace

And a stable rule

The Way is narrow

When your mind is a casualty of war

It broadens

As Heaven is seated on your throne

Subjectivity of Mysticism

The imminence of God in this picture is stretched as far as can be done. It seems to verge on pantheism. And yet, as close as it may appear "a hair’s breadth" there is an infinitely wide gap between pantheism and what Eckhart teaches. For it is not the created order by itself that is divine. It is the redemptive act of God that transforms fallenness into union with him. What cannot be found in nature and cannot be attained beyond nature can be received from God.

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Is contemplation the reason for the daily routine?

Or is contemplation merely a part of the routine?

Do the angels sit in transcendental poses?

Is the voice of God most clear in silence?

Does the toilet become an altar because it is the polar opposite of the cathedral?

Or is the shelter of a tree in a hailstorm closer to God?

Is space really empty?

If the universe cannot contain God

When a person empties himself completely for the sake of God, and he no longer belongs to anyone but God, and he lives solely for God, then he is truly the same thing by grace which God is by nature, and God recognizes no distinction between himself and this person. But now I have said: by grace.

196

If the body of Christ is holy and we are washed in the blood of the Lamb

Then are not our bodies holy?

If the serpent was struck a death blow in the head with the resurrection of Jesus

Then why do we fight as one beating the air?

Thus we see that Eckhart is a part of a very small subgroup among those whom we traditionally call "mystics." In fact it has been commonplace over the last one hundred years or so to define mysticism in terms of a "typical mystical experience." In that case Meister Eckhart would not even be a mystic at all. His focus is on something that is real. Subjective experience is essentially irrelevant to this reality.

197

If we think about nothing

Does that let us unite the mind of God?

If we are bought with a price

Then why do we hold on to life so loosely

from Prayers and Thanksgiving in Book of Common Prayer 1928

O Almighty God, the supreme Governor of all things, whose power no creature is able to resist, to whom it belongeth justly to punish sinners, and to be merciful to those who truly repent; Save and deliver us, we humbly beseech thee, from the hands of our enemies; that we, being armed with thy defense, may be preserved evermore from all perils, to glorify thee, who art the only giver of all victory; through the merits of thy Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

198

O God, merciful and compassionate, who art ever ready to hear the prayers of those who put their trust in thee; Graciously hearken to us who call upon thee, and grant us thy help in this our need; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

199

O most mighty and merciful God, in this time of grievous sickness, we flee unto thee for succor. Deliver us, we beseech thee, from our peril; give strength and skill to all those who minister to the sick; prosper the means made use of for their cure; and grant that, perceiving how frail and uncertain life is, we apply our hearts unto that heavenly wisdom which leadeth to eternal life; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

200

O father of mercies and God of all comfort, our only help in time of need; We humbly beseech thee to behold, visit, and relieve thy sick servant for whom our prayers are desired. Look upon him with the eyes of thy mercy; comfort him with a sense of thy goodness; preserve him from the temptations of the enemy; and give him patience under his affliction. In thy good time, restore him to health, and enable him to lead the residue of his life in thy fear, and to thy glory; and grant that finally he may dwell with thee in life everlasting; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen

201

Almighty God, who hast created man in thine own image; Grant us grace fearlessly to contend against evil, and to make no peace with oppression; and, that we may reverently use our freedom, help us to employ it in the maintenance of justice among men and nations, to the glory of thy holy Name, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

202

O Almighty God, who art a strong tower of defense unto thy servants against the face of their enemies; We yield thee praise and thanksgiving for our deliverance from those great and apparent dangers wherewith we were compassed. We acknowledge it thy goodness that we were not delivered over as a prey unto them; beseeching thee still to continue such mercies towards us, that all the world may know that thou art our Saviour and mighty Deliverer; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

203

O God, who art the giver of life, of health, and of safety; We bless thy Name, that thou hast been pleased to deliver from his bodily sickness this thy servant, who now desireth to return thanks unto thee, in the presence of all they people. Gracious art thou, O Lord, and full of compassion to the children of men. May his heart be duly impressed with a sense of thy merciful goodness, and may he devote the residue of his days to an humble, holy, and obedient walking before thee; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

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Six Sounds Therapy

1. clean and restore organs

2. regulate circulatory system

3. stabilize nervous system

1. people make noises when under stress

2. music can influence emotions

Six Syllables create vibrations, in different parts of the body, which affect natural healing.

Sit relaxed on the chair’s edge, keeping your back straight, and your head up. Have your feet level on the ground, while having your knees apart a little. Place your hands on your thighs. Breathe through your nose, down into your waist. Let out your waist, when you breathe in, and pull it back in when breathing out. You should breathe out for a much longer time, than you breathe in. Exhale the sound from your waist. After breathing the sound, breathe regularly a couple times, before breathing the sound again.

This sound helps the liver and gall bladder and helps with feelings of weakness. Squeeze together the lips, and say “shoo,” while you breathe out with your mouth opened and fold your tongue up.

This sound helps the small intestine and heart and gets rid of anger. Stretch your mouth w