Philosophy Core

Ben Huot

February 7, 2009

1 First Things

1.1 Logo

I should explain what the logo is meant to be representing. The guy is a pen, which is me, which comes from my first poem in Philosophy Core, called Creative Process, where I refer to myself as doing Tai Chi, with my pen being my body. The idea is based on "the pen is mightier than the sword" so I created "the Bible is mightier than the pen".

The Bible is shooting out flames because in Ephesians it talks about spiritual warfare and the Bible is the only armament that is offensive. (It means offensive instead of defensive. These are common terms used in combat. The sword is the only spiritual weapon. All the other armaments expressed in Ephesians are protective and defensive in nature like a shield, a helmet, a breastplate, etc.) The flames are meant as in James when it talks about being purified by fire or struggles with temptation in our lives. Isaiah also was purified by a live coal to his lips by a Seraphim. So the usage of fire is not evil or anything violent. Think of it as purifying.

I would ideally like it to show the sword turned inward to his chest, symbolizing like in many fantasy books that when they defeat the great evil force in the world, they are left with the greatest task, which is to defeat the evil within. The Bible is said to be a 2 sided sword, with the ability to cut between bone and marrow, and show the truth. Christ’s tongue is said to be a 2 edged sword in Revelations, to defeat the Devil with. The reason I didn’t show this is it looks like he is committing suicide.

The spiritual warfare is not against people, ideas, or even spirits. It is about fighting for the purity of our own minds. It is an internal thing. Like the Native American proverb "my greatest enemy is myself." This purity is in regard to our own sins and does not refer to purity in any other sense. But this is a process, not an outcome, as it is not possible for us to live without sin.

This warfare is only spiritual in the sense that it is not militant, social, economic, or political. This is for my own moral and ethical development and consists of practical qualities I try, with Christ’s help, to cultivate like humility, compassion, kindness, and seriousness and do not correspond to anything supernatural.

1.2 Other Books

My text books and picture books contain most of my work over the past 10 years. These include my reading of some 235 books containing the philosophical and religious thinking of the worldÕs cultures for several thousand years and the application of the main themes of some of the major Old Testament Prophets and major works of the New Testament.

The main point of this work is to get people to stopping living their lives with their minds, but instead follow their hearts. I bring a radically different combination of viewpoints that you have not heard of before. I am not asking people to follow what I have written, but rather let the words stir up some sort of emotional response in your heart.

I challenge my readers to come up with their own unique ideas and that can lead the world in a new direction. We need a much broader diversity of ideas in our culture to deal with the problems we are facing in America and throughout the rest of the world.

1.3 For More Information

For more books and information, visit me on the web at http://benjamin-newton.com/

Feel free to send me e-mail regarding the books and website at mailto:ben@benjamin-newton.com I even enjoy constructive criticism

1.4 Cover Graphic

1.5 License

This entire PDF is licensed together under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License as a whole, and nothing is to be separated, added on to, or modified in any manner.

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1.6 Dedication

Special thanks to my dad, mom, and sister: Leo, Melissa, and Rebecca Huot; as well as my Uncle Clive and Uncle Jeff for inspiring much of the ideas behind my writing and artwork. Countless conversations between my family and myself as well as many acquaintances, from 1998-2006, helped me explain my philosophy and contributed to its understandability. These conversations were as important as the books I read. And most importantly, every good idea I have had has its root in the Bible, so thank God if you are ministered to by my work.

2 Preface

2.1 Recommended Texts to Understand Writing Style

1. "Doctrine of the Mean” by Confucius

2. "The Great Learning” by Confucius

3. Chuang Tzu

4. Fear and Trembling by Soren Kierkegaard

5. Repetition by Soren Kierkegaard

6. "The Seducer’s Diary” from Either/Or by Soren Kierkegaard

2.2 Philosophical Positions Necessary for Understanding Plush Heart

2.2.1 Hermeneutic Method of Interpretation

1. I use primary sources to derive theology or philosophy for a particular belief system

2. I focus on what I see as the pure or original interpretation of the philosophy or theology

3. I do not research current or past deviations of each major belief system

2.2.2 Practice and Bible Derived Reasoning

1. My method of ethical reasoning is derived from practical considerations.

2. My method of theological reasoning comes from Biblical considerations.

3. My method brings these perspectives to their logical conclusions.

4. My theory is based on what the Bible says about theology and what helps influence a person do the right thing.

5. I back track the way people should act according to the Bible and what the Bible says about God into a theory that is most consistent with these outcomes.

1. My theology, Towards a Philosophy of the Bible, mirrors what the Bible says about God and a solution to suffering that best answers this problem.

2. My ethics, Still Theory, are based on a combination of the philosophies most consistent with the Bible and having the least major ethical dilemmas and answers postmodern questions about suffering and uncertainty.

3. My psychology, Liberation Psychology/Theology, enables the person to be their own advocate and focuses on religion as a secondary approach to solving lingering problems with Schizophrenia, as the most effective practice is to take the medication.

4. My aesthetics, Bible Model Aesthetics, works to solve practical issues like accessibility, morality, and quality from a Biblical perspective.

5. My sociology/biology, Community through the Humanities, focuses on finding harmony with the groups of people we come into contact with in real world situations and applying ethics from Still Theory.

6. My theory of education, Learning of the Heart, is based on the realities of life and how people can know what is right and wrong.

2.2.3 Contrasting Theories of Education

1. The establishment assumes that public education through high school prepares a person for the world

2. The establishment assumes that everyone should be educated in the same manner

3. The establishment assumes that they know best what the public needs to learn

4. The establishment assumes that what they believe is right and wrong should be imposed on everyone else

5. The establishment assumes that public education improves people’s social status and morality

6. The establishment assumes that with slight modifications, they will get radically different societies

I believe that being prepared for the world is a combination of different things, which the public school system fails at all of them, including:

1. understand how the establishment works, how to use it to improve one’s life, and avoid it changing the individual or placing more limits than normal on the individual

2. develop critical thinking skills and determine what is right and wrong by conscience

3. develop a useful skill for financial support and independence

4. I believe that different people should be taught different things

5. I believe that people know what is right and wrong at birth

6. I believe that the world’s idea of right and wrong is contrary to God’s

7. I believe that people’s social status is determined by who they know and what status their parents have and their morality is determined by personal choice

8. I believe that in order to radically change society, we must make major changes

2.2.4 Unified Social Theory of Natural Science

1. All creatures that feel pain should be kept from any unnecessary suffering

2. The difference between humans and animals is a matter of degree

3. Human beings are not defined by any distinct characteristics in the Bible

4. The distinguishing factor between people and animals is a social construct

5. People have social and physical power over animals and are responsible for their well being

6. Flora should be treated with respect to their well being as well as fauna

7. Water and cells should be carefully looked after as they are the building blocks of life

8. The earth should be treated with the same respect as other life forms

9. Preservation of life does not mean no harm is done

10. Although animals and people may be perceived as the same, the human has a responsibility to look after the animal

11. Not subjecting sentient beings to physical pain is just the beginning of a social ethic

12. Humans should use their resources to actively advocate for the well being of all sentient beings

2.3 Definitions

2.3.1 What Philosophy is and How is it Useful

Philosophy is about questioning. Philosophy is the most general and abstract way to study things and life. Philosophical arguments are theories. It is very similar to debate. That is why philosophy is considered a good undergraduate major for prospective law students. The definition of philosophy can vary widely and is often the basis of that particular philosophy. Science is probably the most well known theory as to how the world works.

Different philosophies can be useful in different ways. The major eastern philosophies as well as Existentialism, in general, can be most directly applied to education, ethics, psychology, medicine (just eastern philosophy), ecology, literature, art, and humor. I also apply them to religion since my religion, Christianity, especially the book it was derived from, the Bible, forms the basis of my assumptions and philosophical positions. Mainstream western philosophy can mostly be applied to mathematics, the natural (physics, chemistry, biology, etc.) and social sciences (economics, anthropology, sociology, political science), and the legal system (debate).

2.3.2 What is Faith?

It follows therefore that the difference between fiction and belief lies in some sentiment or feeling...and which depends not on the will, nor can be commanded at pleasure...belief is nothing but a more vivid, lively, forcible, firm, steady conception of an object, than what the imagination alone is ever able to obtain.

¹

It is true that someone can believe in something whether it is real or not and for a variety of reasons. I believe that fire hurts because of personal experience. This may not be true in all circumstances even if I believe it. But faith in God is different for the following reasons :

Faith in God is an act of the will: faith in God is a choice a person makes.

I will be blessing the Lord at all times; his praise will be ever in my mouth. My soul will say great things of the Lord: the poor in spirit will have knowledge of it and be glad. O give praise to the Lord with me; let us be witnesses together of his great name. I was searching for the Lord, and he gave ear to my voice, and made me free from all my fears. Let your eyes be turned to him and you will have light, and your faces will not be shamed. This poor man’s cry came before the Lord, and he gave him salvation from all his troubles. The angel of the Lord is ever watching over those who have fear of him, to keep them safe. By experience you will see that the Lord is good; happy is the man who has faith in him.

²

Faith in God is real because we can trust God’s word as He never lies.

As for God, his way is completely good; the word of the Lord is tested; he is a breastplate for all those who put their faith in him.

³

The truth does not change because you believe something. Just believing in something is of no use, if it is not real. I believe that Jesus Christ is really God, but you must decide for yourself. I do not believe that any person can convert someone else to faith in Christ, but rather God calls people to himself. Let my book series and websites, which are my story, inspire you to start your own journey and discover the truth for yourself.

2.4 Description

These books are a series on philosophy. I am teaching paradox via Philosophical Taoism as the key to understanding Christian theology. I am using a creative, soft sell, and academic approach to evangelism.

I would have to say my meaning is a balance between 2 directions 1) teach people to think for themselves and 2) give people an understanding of what the Bible says and what it doesn’t say. My intent is not that they get just any idea out of my work but they get an idea which will require them to evaluate themselves and their beliefs. I naturally believe that this will lead people to salvation, whatever they call themselves or what group or groups they identify with.

The 2 main things I am against are Earth Religions (the Occult) and the mainstream. I consider Astrology/horoscope, tarot cards, sayonces, weegee boards, magick, Wicca, Satanism, Paganism, Voodoo, Shamanism/Animism, Native American and most other Indigenous/Folk religions worldwide, Tantric/Tibetan Buddhism, Religious/Esoteric Taoism, Shintoism, I Ching, ancestor worship, modern definitions of metaphysics (not the branch of philosophy) and mysticism (as defined as mystical experiences), Theosophy and the like to be Occult. I consider the Scientific World-view as mainstream where people look to science to solve all of their problems and believe that it is the one way to find truth. Examples include Evolution and the Social Sciences (Psychology, Economics, Political Science, Sociology, and Anthropology). I see the mainstream as being primarily motivated by money and is anti-Environmental and anti-Labor. I am pro-Environment (especially as it concerns animal rights) and pro-Labor (especially when it comes to blue collar work). The difference between the two is that I will read mainstream texts, but I will not under any circumstances read Earth Religion texts.

The first of all the commandments is, Hear, O Israel; The Lord our God is one Lord: And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.

⁴

Striving to be both kind in my methods and serious in my beliefs at the same time.

And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth...

⁵

Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? let him shew out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom. But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth. This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish. For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.

⁶

2.5 My Creative Process

My pen is not my sword

The Bible is

My pen is my body

I move in slow smooth motions

Every motion is an arc

Each joining and turning

At every meeting point

I place my feet carefully

As in learning a new dance

I feel the warmth flow

From my kidneys

But I am still cool

And goose bumps raise

Off my skin

I stop to think in the middle

I sit down in a lotus position

I open the book

That I am currently absorbing

And leave it in mid sentence

As understanding comes

I make another connection

Another piece of the puzzle

Falls into place

My methods is deliberate

My routine is spontaneous

Where will I go today?

I have some ideas

Where will I go tomorrow?

I have no idea

No other plans than the immediate

I rush to finish it

The project is everything

If there is no record

Then I only benefit

I must provide stepping stones

For others following

I think there is only one person behind me

But he is panting like a hot dog

Who smells a hot dog

And does not want to wait

It must just be my shadow

2.6 Intended Audience

And it came to pass, that, as Jesus sat at meat in his house, many publicans and sinners sat also together with Jesus and his disciples: for there were many, and they followed him. And when the scribes and Pharisees saw him eat with publicans and sinners, they said unto his disciples, How is it that he eateth and drinketh with publicans and sinners? When Jesus heard it, he saith unto them, They that are whole have no need of the physician, but they that are sick: I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.

⁷

Believe it or not, although my book series and websites are a ministry, they are not intended for people who are saved or born again. If you already go to a Bible believing church, than this book series and my websites are not intended for you either. This book series and my websites do not attempt to evangelize, at least not in any direct or obvious way. If you believe that you are being called by God and your only obstacle to faith is your pride, then my book series and websites are not intended for you either. Also, if you expect me to give a really in your face salvation message and try to get you to say a prayer with me afterwards, then you should look elsewhere. If you expect me to support other people who claim to be Christian and are famous, you will be disappointed too.

My main target geo-politically is in countries where they have freedom of religion guaranteed by law (at least theoretically) and relatively low overt persecution of Christians. If you are being persecuted for your faith overtly, then I don’t see the need for apologetics. Please do not put yourself, your family, your friends, fellow believers, or your community at risk by distributing any material I produce illegally.

My audience is for people in post-Christian societies who don’t identify with the mainstream and don’t fit into any established Christian ministries. I am not trying to reach millions of people but rather a handful of people. If I help even one person with this book series and my websites, then I would be very pleased and count this work a great success. I believe that God cares about each person individually and wants believers to present Christianity to seekers in different ways depending on their background and personality. I believe that there is only a couple steps that all must do to be saved but most of the journey towards God and in pursuit of His will is different for different people.

The target market for my ministries are people who would never consider going to a physical church. If you have pets, farm animals, or wild animals you would like to be a part of this ministry, I welcome them. My stuffed toy cows are believers too.

To be honest, I do believe in a literal Heaven and Hell and believe in all the miraculous in the Bible. I don’t want anyone to go to Hell as I do not believe God intended for any to suffer in it. What I do disagree with the mainstream Evangelicals is that their are many things keeping people from a correct understanding of what the Bible says. I believe that even most people who are born again don’t even have the most basic concepts in Christian ethics and theology right. Almost everyone who claims to follow what the Bible says does not even have the faintest idea about what it says.

My proposed solution for these misunderstandings is not to read the Bible more or to follow a plan I have laid out or to endorse a particular sect of Christianity. My method is to teach Biblical theology by way of paradox - a method most often used in teaching Zen Buddhism, although the concepts are all from the Bible and I can show you the verses to back it up. After you can start to think without relying on the Scientific World-view and are willing to believe with faith when you can’t reason something out, then you are almost there.

3 Motives

And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.

⁸

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

⁹

Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.

¹⁰

3.1 Objective

I want people to think for themselves. Many people believe they are thinking for themselves because they make choices. But if you don’t examine what the roots of your beliefs are, then you may be subconsciously influenced by what others have told you.

While you may want to model your beliefs after someone you respect, and if you are aware of this and the consequences, then that is great. But many people have never thought what drove them to believe as they do. If you are of this latter group, then I would like to introduce you to the study of philosophy.

In my book series and on my websites, I have simplified the concepts and presented them in more interesting ways then as they are written in many books. It does not require you to be intelligent to understand this, but rather to think in a different way. In fact, education can actually stand in the way of your understanding. My websites are not designed in a linear step by step how to book or in a systematic philosophy, but rather through poetry and art as it applies to religion, psychology, and sociology.

To sum it up, I believe that the unexamined life is not worth living and that philosophy can be very practical. Most importantly, please do not try to follow what I say, but rather learn from it, and develop your own ideas based on what the Bible says, hopefully. But whatever you choose to pattern your ideas after, please don’t just swallow my ideas whole - let them serve as inspiration, not as a model.

3.2 Historical Context

Although you could argue that this was all done by the government, and not the Church, the two were intertwined until the last hundred years. This is why it is so important to have freedom of religion by the government and why a Christian nation is not a good idea even if you consider yourself Christian. This provides the historical context for my book series and websites and the soft sell approach. Another reason for the soft sell is that a person only is saved by grace when they repent and believe of their own free will. Pressuring someone into believing does no good because their faith is in-genuine and is of no eternal value.

Some powerful people who have called themselves Christians throughout the centuries have done some terrible things in the name of Christianity. Many people were killed for not believing. Sometimes the persecutors went further into the wrong like torturing people into becoming the kind of Christians the people in power wanted them to be like with the Papal Inquisition. Sometimes they did lesser but still wrong things like destroying private property.

I could also recount similar injustices done in the name of Islam, Buddhism, or many other belief systems. But the issue I am trying to get at is that the popular opinion is that Christians have done just as wrong a things as people of other belief systems. So people often ask what is so much better about being a Christian if you do not act any differently than non-believers?

This is why I describe in my book series and websites what defines being a Christian, what the Bible really says, and what role sin plays in a believers life. Ultimately, you must decide for yourself. I believe that the Bible will stand up to the critique. Will your beliefs hold up too?

1. 341 AD the Roman Emperor Constans gave the order that whoever still worshiped pagan gods be put to death after Emperor Constantine declared Christianity the official religion of the Roman Empire in 323 AD

2. 375 AD Roman Emperor Gratian confiscated the property of Pagans under the direction of St. Ambrose, Bishop of Milan

3. 415 AD Cyril, Patriarch of Alexandria convinced his monks to kill the Philosopher Hypathia of Alexandria for not being Christian and being popular

4. 416 AD Roman Emperor (East) passed a law requiring government officials to be Christian

5. 1230 AD Papal Inquisition conducted secret trials of those suspected of being heretical to Christianity without being told of the charges or being able to confront the accuser. Sentences could not be appealed and families were forced to inform on each other. Penalties were wide ranging from wearing a yellow cross for life, seizing property, banishment, public recantation, or many years in prison to being burned at the stake.

6. 1252 AD Pope Innocent IV issued the order (papal bull Ad exstirpanda) allowing torture to get confessions in the inquisitions

7. 1572 AD St. Bartholomew’s Day Massacre was when the French king ordered all Protestants in France to be killed.

8. by the 18th Century AD non-Christians in Europe at the most were barred from higher education, or from participation in the national legislature

There has also been a considerable amount of persecution of Jewish people throughout the centuries by some powerful people calling themselves Christians, although there were many other causes as well, like racism. This is so complex and involves many other issues that I wouldn’t be able to use it appropriately on this site.

3.3 Artificial Barriers

1. cultural barriers

2. political barriers

3. intellectual barriers

4. barriers based on misconceptions about Christianity

5. barriers based on bad examples or bad experiences

6. barriers based on misunderstanding theology and the Bible

7. confusion over Church divisions

8. confusion over what is orthodox

9. confusion over the exclusiveness of Christianity

3.4 Ministry Beliefs

1. will lead a person to faith in Christ

2. means being a free thinker

1. challenges us to not conform to mainstream culture

2. challenges us to work for good despite the system

3. challenges us to follow the laws

4. will stand up to any argument

5. will pass any kind of test of value

6. will challenge the most cultivated intellects

1. not just doing the opposite of unbelievers

2. rather about finding the truth

3.5 Why Study other Beliefs?

3.5.1 Why I Study other Philosophies?

The passage from 1 Corinthians is a summation of the ideas of the first 1/3 of the letter and calls us to believe not by reason or miracle, but to place our belief in God on the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, so that we put our faith in what the Bible says, instead of putting our faith in what Science tells us or what the supernatural tell us. This Greek wisdom which the Bible talks about is mainstream Western Philosophy, which most people now study as Science. The philosophy which is most inline with the foolishness of God is Philosophical Taoism.

For the Jews require a sign, and the Greeks seek after wisdom: But we preach Christ crucified, unto the Jews a stumblingblock, and unto the Greeks foolishness; But unto them which are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God, and the wisdom of God.

¹¹

3.5.2 Why I Study other Revealed Religions?

The passage from Acts tells about Paul’s visit to Athens. Paul was an intellectual and was willing to talk to people on their own terms and speak to their individual situation. He explained the Gospel in their own vocabulary and found an entrance into their own beliefs to tell them about Jesus Christ. Paul was an intellectual who knew about the belief systems of his time and that is one of the main reasons why God called him to be a missionary. How can you preach the gospel to someone if you have no idea where they are coming from?

Now while Paul waited for them at Athens, his spirit was stirred in him, when he saw the city wholly given to idolatry. Therefore disputed he in the synagogue with the Jews, and with the devout persons, and in the market daily with them that met with him. Then certain philosophers of the Epicureans, and of the Stoicks, encountered him. And some said, What will this babbler say? other some, He seemeth to be a setter forth of strange gods: because he preached unto them Jesus, and the resurrection. And they took him, and brought him unto Areopagus, saying, May we know what this new doctrine, whereof thou speakest, is? For thou bringest certain strange things to our ears: we would know therefore what these things mean. For all the Athenians and strangers which were there spent their time in nothing else, but either to tell, or to hear some new thing. Then Paul stood in the midst of Mars’ hill, and said, Ye men of Athens, I perceive that in all things ye are too superstitious. For as I passed by, and beheld your devotions, I found an altar with this inscription, TO THE UNKNOWN GOD. Whom therefore ye ignorantly worship, him declare I unto you. God that made the world and all things therein, seeing that he is Lord of heaven and earth, dwelleth not in temples made with hands; Neither is worshipped with men’s hands, as though he needed any thing, seeing he giveth to all life, and breath, and all things; And hath made of one blood all nations of men for to dwell on all the face of the earth, and hath determined the times before appointed, and the bounds of their habitation; That they should seek the Lord, if haply they might feel after him, and find him, though he be not far from every one of us: For in him we live, and move, and have our being; as certain also of your own poets have said, For we are also his offspring. Forasmuch then as we are the offspring of God, we ought not to think that the Godhead is like unto gold, or silver, or stone, graven by art and man’s device. And the times of this ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men every where to repent: Because he hath appointed a day, in the which he will judge the world in righteousness by that man whom he hath ordained; whereof he hath given assurance unto all men, in that he hath raised him from the dead.

¹²

3.5.3 Why I do not Study Earth Religions?

There shall not be found among you any one that maketh his son or his daughter to pass through the fire, or that useth divination, or an observer of times, or an enchanter, or a witch, Or a charmer, or a consulter with familiar spirits, or a wizard, or a necromancer. For all that do these things are an abomination unto the LORD: and because of these abominations the LORD thy God doth drive them out from before thee.

¹³

3.6 The Significance of Paradox

Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein.

¹⁴

The point of this article is specifically for Evangelical Christians, so if you are not, then this is not really intended for you, but your mileage may vary. The point is that I believe what the Bible says, although it is different than what most other Christians believe, whether they believe in the miracles of the Bible or not. This article is not meant to change someone’s mind about their beliefs, but to examine them and understand why I have a different view.

I find Philosophical Taoism important to understanding the Bible. First of all, a person might say if they are Evangelical that they are just Christian and don’t follow a philosophy, so I would have to ask them what their beliefs are and compare them to the Bible. For instance, if a person is Evangelical then they probably believe that Jesus is both God and man and that is biblical, and that is a paradox. But it is not understood very well that many of the other major doctrines of the Bible are paradoxes too.

The Bible teaches both faith alone and faith plus good works for salvation and that both free will and predestination are both true. And I can easily find verses for both sides of these major divisions in the church. When I say both are true many will respond that they can’t comprehend that so they just believe in one, but here comes the proof they don’t believe in the Bible by faith alone - if they did, then they would believe in the paradox as the Bible states and not try to reason it out.

The question then comes, why do they reason it out? This is because they have beliefs that have nothing to do with the Bible that shape their beliefs about the Bible. The key to getting these out of their mind is to unlearn the ways they that have been commonly taught to think in school. Does the reader remember being told they couldn’t divide by zero or that they had to have only one answer to a math problem? Does the reader remember if the teacher made you choose true or false based on whether a statement was a fact or an opinion? These are paradoxes.

What is a paradox? the reader must be asking by now. A paradox is a set of two statements that seem to be contradictory, but on further examination one realizes that these are not contradictory, but rather give a fuller understanding of the issue. How then can Jesus be both man and God, or how can a person both have free will and still be predestined to believe?

So where did I come up with all of this? The reader can read just from the Bible to understand my point of view. I would recommend 1 Corinthians for the first third as it talks about the foolishness of God. This passage is easiest to discern in the first chapter, verses 22-24. I interpret the Greek wisdom as the ideas that came out of the Enlightenment, or the Scientific World-view that is assumed in much of the curriculum that was taught to me in the public school system. I believe that there is a certain viewpoint that is taught in the schools that is very narrow in scope and controlled by a small group of people mainly through funding through lobbyists and direct contributions to the schools (the latter predominantly to colleges, both public and private).

If the reader wants to hear a more thorough explanation of these concepts, I invite them to read my book series and websites or Chuang Tzu. There won’t be any set answers as I don’t present things in a systematic way, and they must think and put together the ideas themselves to get the meaning of the texts. The reader may choose to either forget it or to act on it. Hopefully the reader will be compelled to act on it and this will require courage and require them to take risks, regardless of what ideas they get out of it. But they will then be able to find the truth and be able to decide whether or not they believe what you have been told by their school system. Then the reader can decide if they want to be a Christian and follow what the Bible says or accept what the rest of society has accepted as true.

3.7 My Biblical Beliefs

When he is seen within us and without, he sets right all doubts and dispels the pain of wrong actions committed in the past.

¹⁵ (the concept of forgiveness explained in the Hindu scriptures, referred to as the truth of the true Self)

If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

¹⁶

3.7.1 How to become a Christian

So we are said to be what our desire is. As our desire is, so is our will. As our will is, so are our acts. As we act, so we become

¹⁷ (the concept of sin explained in the Hindu scriptures, known there as karma, but it sounds a lot like sin, doesn’t it? )

Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death

¹⁸

To become Christian, you must understand the concept of sin and who Jesus is. I recommend reading The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis. Also read one of the four orthodox gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John). Stay away from Gnostic bible books like the Gospel of Thomas. Also read Hebrews and Romans. Finally, read Genesis and Isaiah. When you understand the problem of sin and who Jesus is, then all you need to do is confess your sins to Jesus out loud and believe in your heart that God raised Jesus from the dead.

If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

¹⁹

3.7.2 Synopsis

I believe in a God that is perfectly good in every aspect and every thought and action, and unlimited in power beyond any life form’s imagination. I believe we as humans are infinitely below God and the sum of all of our good actions throughout all history doesn’t even reach zero. I believe that anything good or anything that has parts good in it, all that is good is from God’s direct supernatural intervention. I believe that God breaks physical laws all the time and that anyone coming to God is a result of God’s choice and through God’s strength. I believe that although we must make a choice to the right thing and submit to God’s will, our effort will amount to nothing and we totally rely on God’s power and divine intervention to do anything positive. This is what I mean by humility on the part of man - a proper realization of our significance and role in life.

3.7.3 Overview

1. I believe in Evangelical theology but in Liberal ethics

2. I believe that we should be holy yet be kind to all life

3. I believe that there is only one Church but no denomination is completely right

4. I believe that parts of the Bible are meant to be taken literally as well as others are to be taken symbolically and that the Biblical context is the determining factor

3.7.4 Basics

1. I believe in one God

2. I believe the Jesus was fully man and eternally is God

3. I believe that we are saved by faith alone, yet only through works and sacraments will we know we are saved

4. I believe that we are both predestined for salvation and yet still have a free will

5. I believe that the tribulation has happened 1900 years ago and will also happen in the future at the same 5 dimensional coordinates

6. I believe that we sin after being saved yet we tend towards the good

3.7.5 Specifics

1. I believe that we are responsible for the animals and yet we should treat them equally

2. I believe that we should follow the laws but subvert the lifestyle of the world

3. I believe that only a remnant will be faithful to God and yet the majority of people will be saved.

4. I believe that the Bible explains in great detail what Heaven is like and yet we will never understand until we get there

5. I believe a child can understand the Bible and be saved yet the brightest theologians in the world will never get beyond even the basics of the Bible

3.7.6 So am I Protestant or Catholic Liberal or Evangelical?

I believe that Evangelicals and Catholics are very similar as far as I can see on the main theology. From what I can see Catholics and Liberal Protestants seem to have different aspects of the ethics of Christianity right. Membership wise I am an Evangelical Quaker and I they are closest to what I believe the Bible says both technically and in spirit, both theologically and ethically. I call what I believe Wholeness or Non-dual Christianity as I believe in both sides of most divisions of the church. I believe that most divisions of the Church were primarily politically motivated and came out of a view of the world that was shaped by the philosophy of Aristotle and Plato. The Church has continued to move in the direction of "I can believe whatever I want and call myself Christian" attitude. I believe that any kind of leadership over other people is against the concept of equality exemplified by Christ and I have a hard time seeing how the Church leadership is that different amongst rival factions of churches. It hurts me terribly to see people call themselves Christian who start wars with other countries for oil money, who torture and imprison those who don’t agree with them, torture animals for cosmetic products and destroy the very little left of God’s creation to build fancy homes. I think most people will be very surprised to find out who is in Heaven and who is not when we finally get there. People who are in power are not there because God thought that was ok and just because you hear famous people saying that God says something or they are Christian doesn’t make it true.

4 Essentials

...though perhaps longer time, greater accuracy, and more ardent application may bring these sciences still nearer their perfection.

²⁰

Once the soul gets used to something, it becomes part of its make-up and nature, because the soul is able to take on many colourings. If through gradual training it has become used to hunger, (hunger) becomes a natural habit of the soul.

²¹

For the Jews require a sign, and the Greeks seek after wisdom: But we preach Christ crucified, unto the Jews a stumblingblock, and unto the Greeks foolishness; But unto them which are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God, and the wisdom of God.

²²

4.1 What’s Inside

4.1.1 Overview

Therefore we are always confident, knowing that, whilst we are at home in the body, we are absent from the Lord: (For we walk by faith, not by sight:) We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord.

²³

I should start out by saying that I see life in terms of possibilities, not in terms of actuality. This has led me to focus on minimizing risks to my person and family as well as maximize my potential achievements. In some ways this is very liberating and gives me great confidence, but in other ways it holds me back and causes me tremendous stress. I have been blessed with amazing abilities as well as limited by great weaknesses. On my websites and in my book series, you will see evidence of both.

To the weak became I as weak, that I might gain the weak: I am made all things to all men, that I might by all means save some.

²⁴

This is the story of my adult life so far, beginning with my experiences as an enlisted soldier, my diagnosis of chronic allergic pink eye and sensitivity developed to cleaning and other harsh chemicals, my experiences in a public university, my paranoid episode and my voluntary stay in the locked psychiatric ward of a private hospital, my diagnosis of Paranoid Schizophrenia, my experiences living with other mentally ill consumers in a group home, my experiences with in home care services, my experiences living in a retirement home in my late twenties, and my experiences with the Veterans Administration medical and psychiatric system. What ties these all together is my attempt to find an answer to suffering, to find a way to be Christian in a postmodern society, and to live a life of faith when I hear God tell me strange things.

But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and he requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers.

²⁵

My life did not unfold neatly according to my plans for myself or because of my connections. I have had to work very hard for the little that I have. Sure there are many who have suffered worse than I have, but, nonetheless, I have had some very painful life experiences that many will never have to go through and I am glad they don’t have to. I would not want to relive between the years of 1996-2006 again for anything and if I had them over again I would have attempted a very different path. There are still many times when I wish I would not have to live any more. If life just goes your way and everything just neatly falls into place for you, then this is not the book series and collection of websites for you. If however, like me, life is a constant struggle, then you might find my work to be done by a like soul.

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.

²⁶

I am now embracing the God revealed in scripture: a God that is holy and awesome, a God that is an infinite mystery, and a personal God who wants a relationship with us. The personal nature of God makes me frustrated with the amount of suffering in the world, the holy and awesome nature of God compels me to both hold God responsible and at the same time the Church (myself included) and strive to by myself put a dent in the suffering of the world, while the infinite mystery that is another aspect of God resolves me to conclude that the reason for suffering is a mystery. I now hold all 5 views simultaneously.

4.1.2 Synopsis

If the mind is not preserved, your entire person will be without a master.

²⁷

In learning, you must first understand the big. When you’ve understood the big, you’ll naturally thoroughly grasp the small within. People nowadays, however, without understanding the big, merely seek out the tiny details within.

²⁸

This book series and my websites are my portfolio with a message. I have unique, eccentric, and cutting edge world views in philosophy and poetry (Opinion), photography and graphic design (Galleries), and computing fundamentals (Technology). In this book series and my websites, you will see how the problems of suffering, uncertainty, free choice, and limits in religion, psychology, and sociology apply to workaholics with disabilities that require rest (like myself).

My site makes the most sense within the context that it was created for, why it was created and what methods I chose to achieve it.

4.1.3 Why this book series and these websites?

...When you know something but don’t act on it, your knowledge of it is still superficial. After you have personally experienced it, your knowledge of it will be much clearer and its significance will be different from what it used to be.

²⁹

...practicing inner mental attentiveness refers to the way of controlling and restraining oneself; probing principle refers to the way of investigating the ultimate. These two things simply hinder each other. But when we get good at them, naturally they no longer get in each other’s way.

³⁰

My book series and my websites were originally created to share my ideas and creative works with my uncle. He lived overseas and it was the easiest way to keep in touch with him and my messages were too big for email. I was just out of the military and was struggling with mental illness at the time (although I didn’t know that then). I was studying Chinese philosophy in school from the literature perspective and was very obsessed with the problem of suffering. Physical pain was very real to me because I was suffering from chronic allergic pink eye that would never go away from what I could gather from the doctors. I wanted to be Christian still as I was from early childhood, but I didn’t want to be a spoiled brat like the kids I went to school and church with. So I started writing poetry and that is what the book series and websites started out with.

The poetry is the first and most vital component of the websites and my books series and must be understood if you want to get what I am trying to say. I chose early on to try to be creative and personal in my approach to the problem of suffering. I knew what I wanted to say before I learned what terms to use for things and how to communicate what I felt. As I studied philosophy, I found the framework to hang my ideas on and found that I was not alone with odd ideas, but in fact found that most of the world throughout most of history had more in common with my way of thinking than what is currently in textbooks and on the news. When I found out that I had Schizophrenia, I questioned what I was thinking and if my odd ideas got me into this place, but I found I could not accept the way I was told things were. But I did learn that I should work hard to control my mind and the way I approached this was to study from the rationalist (or social) philosophers in addition to the mystics.

4.1.4 Methods

And the scripture was fulfilled which saith, Abraham believed God, and it was imputed unto him for righteousness: and he was called the Friend of God.

³¹

Students must establish their wills. That people nowadays are aimless is simply because they’ve never taken learning seriously. In dealing with things, they’re reckless simply because their wills aren’t firmly established.

³²

My theory of art being used for teaching biblical principles is that art is not usually good at presenting buzzword compliant theology that conforms to mainstream Christian traditions. I believe that nature is the art of God and any portrayal of a love of nature is naturally and necessarily directly related to having the humility necessary for saving faith. Most of the Bible is not about getting set up for eternity but what to do while we live on Earth. I do believe that this is the most critical message of the Bible, but a theology that sees Earth only as a chance to get saved is going to be a bad witness to those who do not believe. If the Sanctity of Life movement is to be seen as relevant to postmodern times, it must be extended to respect for all life and all resources. This is not to say that I won’t present the Gospel message if my art or writing leads to that point, but rather that I am "witnessing" to people that would never enter a church even if saved. I have a much higher opinion of unbelievers than most Christians do in that I think that there are other reasons besides unwillingness to obey God’s laws that convince people to not repent of their sins and except Christ as their savior. But you will always find biblically motivated art here that conforms to one or more of the main themes of the Bible. I do hold what the Bible says to be something to rely on as a completely accurate representation of the topics it covers and I do not have anywhere near the confidence in scientific results or any other source as I do in truth and facts contained in the Bible.

My point in creating a philosophy, a culture, and a theology is not to get everyone to think the way I do, but to question the accepted world views of the postmodern age. I want to teach people to think. Much as a teacher doesn’t just give you the answer, but merely gives you the tools to find the answers for yourself, so is my intent.

Although my philosophy is not presented in a classical Western sense, all the materials in this book series and my websites have a philosophically sound and consistent basis. Most importantly, I am trying to teach people to think differently and more broadly. My organization is what is often referred to as random, but really it is organized, just not in a simple linear design.

I have attempted to merge Christianity with Chinese philosophy, but not in a philosophical treatise. Instead, I have focused on poetry, practical applications, and multimedia in order to make philosophy more understandable to the average person. I have also avoided uncommon vocabulary and technical jargon whenever possible.

Another reason for not presenting these philosophical concepts in the same format as major philosophers of the West is that I want people to make the connections for themselves and thereby learn how to formulate their own ideas. I don’t want people to just parrot my ideas back to me, because creativity is one of the many things that we need more of in society. I am interested in people being consistent and searching for truth and I believe that they will find the right path if they are intellectually honest.

I also believe that being Christian is not just being the opposite of unbelievers, but doing what is right and sticking to the truth. I believe there is much we can learn from other philosophies and revealed religions. I believe that learning about others’ beliefs can help provide a fresh perspective on the Bible that is desperately needed as atheism has been rampant in the Church because of its reliance on the Western Philosophy of the Enlightenment. I just avoid two things: hate speech and earth religions.

I also have a Far Side meets Abbott and Costello sense of humor, so if you see something that sounds like it is nuts, it is likely it is meant to be humorous.

4.1.5 Technical Explanation

Someone asked: Do dry and withered things have principle or not? Chu said. As soon as there exists a thing, there exists principle. Heaven has never produced a writing brush; man makes brushes with rabbit’s hair. But as soon as their exists a brush, there exists principle

³³

My philosophy is primarily concerned with Epistemology and Ethics.

My theology is Existential and Evangelical Christian, my philosophical methods are Neo-Confucian and Philosophical Taoist, and my politics are Ecofeminist.

First and foremost I am a Christian Mystic (Existentialist) in that I believe what the Bible says by faith, but I believe that much of what God asks of us has a Rational basis which we can understand. I believe in Idealism (Philosophical Taoist) - that Spirit is the most important component of reality and that the material world is part of our mind. I am very Skeptical of anyone who says they know something for sure that is not in the Bible, especially social scientists. I also try to balance myself with facts and Empirical evidence (Neo-Confucianism) in interacting with society.

I believe that The Holy Spirit exists everywhere (qi) and that it is directed by God the father (li). This li or principle is an intelligent ethical force in the universe and can be comprehended rationally and is there to help sentient beings live happy lives (Virtue Ethics).

4.2 Son of Strength

We are not as strong as we think we are.

³⁴

For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I.

³⁵

I have developed the idea of raising the bar, once I reach the level that was once my goal, for a higher goal and then on and on until I die. I think I reached rock bottom recently. I have developed the ability to understand philosophy despite having Schizophrenia and with it the near impossibility of understanding abstract thought.

Based on this insight, I surmised that I could do the same thing with my physical body. I would strengthen my will to the point that I could force my body to do what it couldn’t physically much as Special Forces do. The problem is that in the Special Forces, when the training is done, that at some point the service member gets to rest. They don’t tire out the service members to the point that they have no energy, before they drop them onto classified missions.

So for me to assume that I could will myself into mastering my body is a flawed assertion at best. But that was very arrogant to assume that I could reach that level of intensity, without having even attempting that kind of training. Anyway, when I came back from my run, which I was able to push myself past more pain than I was able to do in any of my cross country running, I tasted blood in my lungs and at the point when I got back to my retirement center, one of the managers thought I was having a heart attack.

This showed me that I need to slow down and be aware that although I can dream of saving the world, I do not have the energy to. In addition to never being able to feel fully rested no matter how much sleep I have had, I can’t push past it with greater mental strength, as I don’t even have the control over my mind as a normal person does.

What the Apostle Paul said in Romans is at the heart of (Christian) Existentialism. We cannot do what we want to. We are not strong enough mentally to reach our goals. We must leave saving the world to God and just help in small ways or else we will not survive long enough to see the fruits of our efforts.

I have finally realized that having Schizophrenia is not just a mental illness; it is a physical one as well. If your medicine is being effective on giving you some control of your thoughts, then you will have no energy to do anything.

For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

³⁶

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

³⁷

As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all them that trust in him.

³⁸

Blessed are all they that put their trust in him.

³⁹

I have recently arrived at the conclusion that the increased suffering of the world recently is the direct fault of Christians not following what God has called them to do, and in response to the fact and because I am in the wealthiest nation on the earth and because of my gifts of intelligence and creativity that I should be able to make a measurable dent in the amount of suffering that the sentient beings of the earth must feel. But the problem is I don’t have the strength to have the reach that I believe I should have. Many of the problems of the world, if they are to be solved by people, need more resources than I have been given. I will just have to accept that there is some reason that God is allowing this to happen by conscious choice alone.

I have had to struggle with whether to say I believe that God raised Jesus from the dead and that he was both man and God or that that is a fact. I have recently come to understand that belief is stronger than facts. Similarly to how I said when we had to mark opinion as false and fact as true that opinions could be truths but facts are not consequential enough to be truths. So it shows more certainty to say that I believe in Heaven and Hell than to say flatly that there is a Heaven and Hell and that is the truth whether you agree with it or not you will go to one, because of course its true to the limits of my knowledge which is all I can guarantee by saying it is the truth, but to say I believe something to be true means that I haven’t just proved it intellectually, but it is so true that I risk eternity on it.

4.3 Biblical Paradox and Value Ethics

4.3.1 Overview

From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members? Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not. Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.

⁴⁰

The paradoxes that the Bible teaches about God, Man, and our relationships between each other, animals, and God are not just there to give God an ego trip, by keeping us from doing what we want; they are there for our own good. One of the paradoxes of the Christian faith is that we are both secure in our salvation once we confess our sins and believe that God raised Jesus from the dead, but we still have the capacity to make choices without God constantly intervening. Scripture shows both aspects of this duality to be true and it is not just there to be hard to accept, but it is there for us to live a fuller life of faith and temperance.

4.3.2 Example: Freewill Verses

For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.

⁴¹

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. We love him, because he first loved us.

⁴²

Many try to drive people to God by fear by saying that if you commit one sin which you did not confess before you die, then you will go to Hell. This is not Biblical to try to motivate people by fear. This is one of the problems that arises if you believe in free will at the expense of predestination.

And you, that were sometime alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now hath he reconciled In the body of his flesh through death, to present you holy and unblameable and unreproveable in his sight: If ye continue in the faith grounded and settled, and be not moved away from the hope of the gospel, which ye have heard, and which was preached to every creature which is under heaven

⁴³

The key aspects of this passage are as follows:

1. As believers, we are rendered righteous by Christ’s death and resurrection.

2. The key questions to answer from the Bible are

3. what is faith?

4. and what is the gospel?

For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ:for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek. For therein is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: as it is written, The just shall live by faith

⁴⁴

So the gospel is salvation by faith and we are considered righteous by God’s free gift or grace in response to our belief in His resurrection from the dead.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

⁴⁵

Take heed, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief, in departing from the living God. But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. For we are made partakers of Christ, if we hold the beginning of our confidence steadfast unto the end;

⁴⁶

It is not one sin being committed that Scripture is talking about here, but, rather, a habit of sin that brings the sinner to not be able to confess their sin, because to confess sin and repent is to be righteous by faith.

If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.

⁴⁷

And we desire that every one of you do shew the same diligence to the full assurance of hope unto the end: That ye be not slothful, but followers of them who through faith and patience inherit the promises.

⁴⁸

The point of these verses is to show that, as we follow through our faith into good works and stay away from sin, we enjoy God’s promises. God realizes that we will continue to sin, but he wants us to live an overall lifestyle characterized by obedience.

By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God, and keep his commandments. For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous.

⁴⁹

Loving God is to follow His commandments.

For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise. For yet a little while, and he that shall come will come, and will not tarry. Now the just shall live by faith: but if any man draw back, my soul shall have no pleasure in him. But we are not of them who draw back unto perdition; but of them that believe to the saving of the soul.

⁵⁰

Finally, God gives us a promise that we won’t live a life of sin and will by saved by faith, and our sins will not keep us from Heaven.

4.3.3 Example: Predestination Verses

What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein? Know ye not, that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ were baptized into his death? Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.

⁵¹

The Bible also teaches that we have an assurance of salvation, if we believe. But this is not an excuse to sin. And this is likely why so many churches are so adamant about free will. We are to be "transformed by the renewing of our minds” and not to walk in sin, as Christ died so that we might not be slaves to sin.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.

⁵²

God predestined everyone that loved Him to be called righteous by God’s grace and their faith.

But when it pleased God, who separated me from my mother’s womb, and called me by his grace,

⁵³

God has a purpose for our life, before we are even born.

According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love: Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will,

⁵⁴

God cares about us so much, that before He created the world He had already chosen those who would believe many thousand years later. Even then He knew that we could not exist without sin and that it was by His grace that we are saved.

For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.

⁵⁵

We are saved through God’s grace, by our faith and the outcome of that faith is to not only keep from sin, but to do good towards others.

Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering

⁵⁶

As we are chosen by God to be His children, so we are also called to love one another, as God has loved us.

But we are bound to give thanks alway to God for you, brethren beloved of the Lord, because God hath from the beginning chosen you to salvation through sanctification of the Spirit and belief of the truth: Whereunto he called you by our gospel, to the obtaining of the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ.

⁵⁷

We are to be thankful for other believers to God, because He chose them to believe, before the creation of the world.

Paul, a servant of God, and an apostle of Jesus Christ, according to the faith of God’s elect, and the acknowledging of the truth which is after godliness; In hope of eternal life, which God, that cannot lie, promised before the world began

⁵⁸

Godliness and the acknowledging of Christ’s resurrection and our sin one in the same.

Who verily was foreordained before the foundation of the world, but was manifest in these last times for you, Who by him do believe in God, that raised him up from the dead, and gave him glory; that your faith and hope might be in God.

⁵⁹

It is God’s miracle that we are saved and the entire reason of our salvation is God’s grace and desire to draw us near Him.

Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?

⁶⁰

The government does wrong, but that is not an excuse to not obey their laws. We are speaking out as a good example for unbelievers by following both God’s and then man’s laws. Just because others don’t do what is right, it is not our duty to bring judgment on them, but to set a good example by our own behavior.

4.3.4 Example 2: Duty to Government

Tell us therefore, What thinkest thou? Is it lawful to give tribute unto Caesar, or not? But Jesus perceived their wickedness, and said, "Why tempt ye me, ye hypocrites? " "Shew me the tribute money." And they brought unto him a penny. And he saith unto them, "Whose is this image and superscription? " They say unto him, Caesa’s. Then saith he unto them, "Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s; and unto God the things that are God’s."

⁶¹

God wants your heart and the government just wants you to follow the laws, namely: pay your taxes.

Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation. For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to the evil. Wilt thou then not be afraid of the power? do that which is good, and thou shalt have praise of the same: For he is the minister of God to thee for good. But if thou do that which is evil, be afraid; for he beareth not the sword in vain: for he is the minister of God, a revenger to execute wrath upon him that doeth evil. Wherefore ye must needs be subject, not only for wrath, but also for conscience sake. For for this cause pay ye tribute also: for they are God’s ministers, attending continually upon this very thing. Render therefore to all their dues: tribute to whom tribute is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honour to whom honour. Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law.

⁶²

The government is there because God has supported it because it is an instrument of His will. The people who fear the government are the ones who are committing crimes. Do what the government asks, which is basically to love one another, as the laws of men are in many ways similar to the laws of God.

Put them in mind to be subject to principalities and powers, to obey magistrates, to be ready to every good work, To speak evil of no man, to be no brawlers, but gentle, shewing all meekness unto all men. For we ourselves also were sometimes foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving divers lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful, and hating one another.

⁶³

Don’t worry about what others do, but follow the laws, in order to be able to do good works for others.

Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme; Or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well. For so is the will of God, that with well doing ye may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men: As free, and not using your liberty for a cloke of maliciousness, but as the servants of God. Honour all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honour the king.

⁶⁴

Treat everyone with respect and dignity and follow the laws. This way, people will have nothing to say against God or the Church.

4.3.5 Example 2: Corruption of Government

And I said, Hear, I pray you, O heads of Jacob, and ye princes of the house of Israel; Is it not for you to know judgment? Who hate the good, and love the evil; who pluck off their skin from off them, and their flesh from off their bones; Who also eat the flesh of my people, and flay their skin from off them; and they break their bones, and chop them in pieces, as for the pot, and as flesh within the caldron. Then shall they cry unto the LORD, but he will not hear them: he will even hide his face from them at that time, as they have behaved themselves ill in their doings.

⁶⁵

Hear this, I pray you, ye heads of the house of Jacob, and princes of the house of Israel, that abhor judgment, and pervert all equity. They build up Zion with blood, and Jerusalem with iniquity. The heads thereof judge for reward, and the priests thereof teach for hire, and the prophets thereof divine for money: yet will they lean upon the LORD, and say, Is not the LORD among us? none evil can come upon us.

⁶⁶

The government/Church is corrupt and God will bring judgment upon them.

And from thenceforth Pilate sought to release him: but the Jews cried out, saying, If thou let this man go, thou art not Caesar’s friend: whosoever maketh himself a king speaketh against Caesar. When Pilate therefore heard that saying, he brought Jesus forth, and sat down in the judgment seat in a place that is called the Pavement, but in the Hebrew, Gabbatha. And it was the preparation of the passover, and about the sixth hour: and he saith unto the Jews, Behold your King! But they cried out, Away with him, away with him, crucify him. Pilate saith unto them, Shall I crucify your King? The chief priests answered, We have no king but Caesar. Then delivered he him therefore unto them to be crucified. And they took Jesus, and led him away.

⁶⁷

The Church often persuades the government to do the wrong thing. Even when the Church is not technically in power, they often lead the government to do the wrong thing. They are all responsible for their own actions.

4.4 Background

4.4.1 Introduction

Suffering is not just a problem that Christians and people of the Jewish faith confront, but both Chinese and Indian philosophies and religions of all branches confront. In fact, both Chinese and Indian philosophy deal almost exclusively with the problem of suffering. There is no reason why a person would conclude that life should not have suffering or should have less, based on nature. Every part of our universe exudes a lack of emotion. People are down-right mean for the most part and can experience pain, even beyond those of animals, as they can anticipate pain. Yet in Hinduism, Buddhism, and all branches of Chinese philosophies, there is a set of ethics if nothing else. What is the reason for these ethics, if there is no concept that pain shouldn’t exist or should be lessened? There can be no reason for there being good and evil or any sort of morality, if it is not because it reflects attributes of a loving God. And Buddhism is a form of atheism, Taoism is based on a God that is neutral, and Hinduism is based on an ultimate reality who is Creator, Preserver, and Destroyer. Only in the Christian and Jewish faiths is there a God who is perfectly good.⁶⁸

Who are those who suffer? I do not know, but they are my people.

⁶⁹

Many people think that, if you are Christian, then you should support the establishment, because Jesus told us to pay our taxes. But Jesus was very much against the establishment, especially the religious institutions. Although not political himself, Jesus wanted us to reach out to those who society did not value and act out our faith in all parts of our lives. Christianity is necessarily political, not in the power struggle way, but in the way we protest against the establishment in our daily lives. Jesus wanted us to live pure lives, not compromising to the ways of the world, as our bodies are temples of God. In order to reject the establishment, we need to know what it values. The establishment revolves around three attributes contrary to God and the search for truth and meaning: systematic thought which leads to specialization from the philosophy of Aristotle as interpreted by Maimonides, the materialism that was started by Descartes, and the atheism that comes from Rousseau. The origin of these methods were the Pythagoreans, who believed everything was reducible to numbers, and those who come up short are always everyone who are not wealthy white men. Existentialism is a rejection of these principles and Chinese philosophy has a united rationalism and a mysticism that are neither systematic, materialistic, or atheistic. Therefore, reducing suffering means rejecting the establishment, which means rejecting western philosophy.

What is an empathetic response to suffering? I say: to help prevent it and reduce it when it can’t be prevented. I have had my own kind of suffering, even chronic physical pain, and there is nothing anyone could say that would make it seem ok. Yes, Jesus suffered tremendously in many ways, but just because He was willing to doesn’t mean that others should. Yes, we have hope beyond death for eternal joy and peace, but that doesn’t shorten the time we suffer on earth. In Psalms it says that the reason for evil is a mystery.

This maturity will keep you from giving your opinion too hastily if the matter is difficult. In such a case take your time to think the matter over, study the question, and even discuss it with others.

⁷⁰

There are several causes of suffering: the ones that can be prevented and those which cannot. We must accept the ones that we cannot change and avoid the ones that can be prevented. I believe that quite a bit of suffering could be prevented by the Taoist concept of uselessness; don’t do anything that would make you famous, so you are not a target for others. Another way, is to learn to think rationally and with safety in mind. Forget about being brave in the classical sense - choose life as it is the highest good.

Throughout my book series and websites, you will find how I approach suffering, both mental and physical, and how you can reduce your own pain: emotional, spiritual, and economic. The Liberation Psychology can relieve emotional pain, the Philosophy of Fun can relieve economic problems, Existential Ethics can reduce the physical pain of others, and the Still Theory can reduce spiritual pain

.

..you will see that holy poverty preserves us from many sins...It slays the worm of riches, which is pride; cuts off the infernal leeches of lust and gluttony, and many other sins as well.

⁷¹

I also do a number of practical things to help reduce suffering, including: wearing simple clothing, using public transportation, using nontoxic cleaners, using inexpensive software, being vegetarian, using used furniture, giving to help those society does not value, not using leather, and using cruelty free shampoo.

4.4.2 The facts of my situation

I do know that though your health is frail, you allow yourself to be carried away by your charity to undertake tasks and labors that are more than you can conveniently bear. Judging in God our Lord that it would be more acceptable to His Divine Majesty to have you temper your zeal in this respect so that you will be able to labor the longer in his service

⁷²

What is it like to not have control of your mind - to lay awake at night afraid of things that will never happen - to believe that your loved ones are against you - to not know the difference between what is fact and what is fiction - to fear the police will arrest you for how you were born -

to not be able to handle the stress of meetings - to not be able to be consistently on time - to not be able to sit through a play or a movie - to find it stressful to listen to music - to not have the motivation to take care of yourself - to have to rely on others for your income?

Your first and greatest asset will be to distrust yourself and have a great and magnanimous trust in God.

⁷³

I am very self-reflective and find meaning in every part of life. But I am not just a philosopher because many of my thoughts are not rational and I do not have control over my thoughts. I keep busy to distract myself from voices and paranoia. Quiet times like when I fall asleep at night are when my paranoia and voices are the most intense. When someone makes a comment in general and it could apply to me, I take it as a personal attack as I am suspicious that others are against me. It is impossible for me to still my mind enough to meditate.

Not only do I not have control over my thoughts, but I find it impossible to take care of the daily activities that are necessary to survive in the modern world. I understand technology, philosophy, and can write and draw on a level that few can surpass, but I can’t wash my clothes once a week, clean my bathroom, recycle, or show up at a set time. The modern world is based on the clock and on facts and that is how we deal with other people in our society. This is completely foreign to my way of thinking.

I developed my own subculture, as I was unable to find my place in society. Basically, I have to find time to rest in order to deal with my illness, to avoid going back to the hospital. But even the rest can cause me mental pain: paranoia and auditory hallucinations. It would be good for me to have more interactions with people, as they help bring me into the modern world, but they also cause me a great deal of paranoia and many things they carelessly say cause me to suffer mentally.

The poet only asks to get his head into the heavens. It is the logician who seeks to get the heavens into his head. And it is his head that splits... And if great reasoners are often maniacal, it is equally true that maniacs are commonly great reasoners.

⁷⁴

This is the situation I am in, and modern science calls it Schizophrenia. I am very intelligent and good at writing and being creative, but this has nothing to do with Schizophrenia. Is a person with diabetes any different except for their illness? I am no different in that way too. I know many other people who have Schizophrenia and they are no more or less intelligent or think differently than anybody else.

Schizophrenia is a broad term like cancer where many different illnesses fall under the same umbrella. Some people with Schizophrenia can complete distance education or work a part time job, but I cannot. My main obstacle is dealing with time and facts - dealing with other people and taking care of my basic needs.

4.4.3 Frustration

Struggling to lift the heavy lids

My eyes burst open

And I stagger to the other room

With immense effort

I live in a dream within a dream

My paranoia within God’s thoughts

My will is strong

And my spirit unbreakable

But my mind only controls

Some of my thoughts

And my body is weak

And continually asleep

My burden is not light

As Jesus said for those

Who walk with Him

And its shadow is ever before me

When your mind cannot cease

From racing at full speed

And your body is heavily sedated

Everything is a battle of will

And your spirit pushes your body

My heart is pressed on all sides

By my unquenchable emotions

And unmovable flesh

But my heart is still wild and unwavering

How will I complete the contest?

How many years will this situation last?

When you are dead tired

And you are nowhere near the finish

You must slow down and keep going

When you would much rather lie down and die

How will I summon the energy

Without the strength of mind or body?

Will I be able to survive by spirit alone?

Do I know how to achieve solely by will?

Each day we wake up and begin

Before even thinking about “what next? ”

But at night we worry over

What has and hasn’t happened

If only my spirit could know the rhythm

And my will the attitude

That can harmonize with the Way

And outlast the disease

We can only hope

And pray without ceasing

4.5 Frequently Asked Questions

My philosophy is principally Chinese in its design, because: 1) it is based on poetry, 2) it has a mystical and a rational component, 3) it is primarily applied to ethics and psychology, and 4) it is concise.

4.5.1 General

Not everyone who is an Atheist is trying to disprove the existence of God or rejecting the authority of the Bible. Well known Atheists such as Nietzche, Marx, and Freud criticized the way Christians tend to act and the actions criticized can often be traced to idolatry on the part of the Christians. Atheistic works can therefore be useful in restoring Christians to a holy lifestyle. Some lifestyles and philosophies that are exploited by non-Christians heavily for their own uses, like the Gothic lifestyle or the Existential philosophy, are actually very Christian at their fundamental level and can be useful to Christians to show non-believers what Christianity is all about. Chinese philosophy is based on the problem of suffering and is focused on ethics and psychology. It is Theistic but doesn’t define God. You can very easily practice Chinese medicine and be Christian as consistently as you can practice Western medicine and be Christian. In fact, most people study Atheistic philosophy without noticing it. These philosophies are the basis for social science, evolution, Newtonian physics, Shakespearean plays, and many other subjects studied by children in public schools. You cannot avoid studying anti-Christian philosophies, but you can challenge their assumptions and for some people this means studying other philosophies.

I never read occult books or hate speech as God is a jealous God and He loves all His creatures equally. I have read from Christian books about people who experimented with drugs and the New Age/Pagan movement and they were scared, abused, and lied to by evil spirits. I also believe that we should live at harmony with God’s creation and introducing polluting technologies or supernatural powers other than the Creator is due to people not accepting their limitations and pursuing power without any sense of responsibility for the consequences. Also the basis for the destructive philosophies of the Enlightenment can be traced back to Pythagorus who studied the Egyptian occult religions. Astronomy throughout most of history was called astrology and was tied in with the study of the occult.

Conservatives are actually the idealists, whereas liberals are more realistic. Idealistically it would be nice to have small government and every one could look after themselves. It would be nice to not impede businesses by complex rules. But this doesn’t mesh with reality. In the real world we live in, we need to provide services for the disabled and the elderly, the healthcare for the sick and the poor, education for the young and the downsized, business regulations for employees and stockholders, environmental regulations for every citizen’s health and safety, and the like. We can’t live in glass bubbles where everything is provided at no cost. We have to choose priorities and when we spend every last dime on weapons and corporate welfare we don’t even have enough to take care of disabled veterans and our soldiers’ needs. Taking over other countries for their oil can only last so long - eventually they will revolt - and businesses don’t hire more employees when they don’t have to pay taxes - this is just a fantasy. We can’t live off the way things work in our dreams. We have to accept that our world is not perfect and do the best we can with what we have.

4.5.2 Chinese Philosophy vs. Greek Philosophy vs. Christianity

In Greek (Western) philosophy, the proof for each school is based on reason in the form of Physics (motion), in Chinese philosophy the proof for each school is based on how things were done in ancient China (even for them) in the form of harmony or stillness, and the Bible’s proof for its ethics and theology is based on how the concepts relate to qualities that God exemplifies. Also in Greek philosophy, man was considered evil by nature, in Chinese philosophy he was considered to be good by nature, and the Bible says that man was created good, but fell and is inclined towards evil, until he is saved and then he is inclined towards good.

Chinese philosophy is also great literature and is fun to read as it flows and has a rhythm and most importantly it is brief and to the point. Contrast Chuang Tzu or even Hsun Tzu with Plato, who hides his philosophy in a question and answer format, where he gets off tricking those who can’t follow linear logic as well as him into saying what he wants them to say. He repeats the same thing over and over again to drum it in and has the arrogance to claim this sham teaches people to think. The Pre-Socratics are much more worth reading and more relevant if you feel you have to read Greek philosophy.

The aim of Greek philosophy is to find a logical analysis of how the universe began, whereas the aim of Chinese philosophy is to have a well-ordered society and self. The Bible aims to save the individual from the eternal consequences of sin and to transform the self into a holy vessel, fitting of God’s indwelling, by God reaching out to us and us accepting His invitation.

4.5.3 Religion and Mental Illness

Schizophrenia was not treated effectively by society until anti-psychotic drugs were created from sedatives in the late 1950’s. The medication has been modified to remove most of the sedating attributes by the first part of the 21st century, so that many people with Schizophrenia are able to live outside institutions. Anti-psychotic medications are able to blunt the effects of paranoia, delusions, and hallucinations enough, so that people can distinguish between them and reality. But there is not a medication that will completely eliminate those symptoms or the lethargy that comes either from the mental illness or as a side effect of the medication. To help deal with remaining symptoms, religion in moderation can be helpful. Religion can provide stability, answers, and useful ideas for secondary treatments.

Many hallucinations, paranoid thoughts, and delusions have religious components to them and sometimes the rituals of religion can contribute to Obsessive Compulsive behaviors. This shows that there is a relationship between religion and mental illness, but it doesn’t mean that religion in all its aspects does nothing but hinder the treatment of Schizophrenia.

One of the reasons why I incorporate Chinese philosophy into my treatment of Schizophrenia, is because although the Bible tells a person how to live ethically and how to have an appropriate relationship with God, it doesn’t tell you everything you ever need to know. Not all problems are entirely spiritually based. A person can definitely learn how to think rationally without using the Bible, but to get the full comfort from religion, faith is a vital component.

4.5.4 Chinese Philosophy

Everything has Qi in it: matter, energy, and spirit. There are five states of Qi that correspond to the five elements. I have Water Qi. I feel like I am floating around from task to task and ideas come to me like streams of light. I desire salty, high protein foods. My symptoms are worse at night and during the winter. I need more northern exposure.

Non-dualism is a major branch of philosophy that encompasses most traditional thought as well as Postmodern thought. Non-dualism is a realization that everything has a duality to it - opposing components that compliment each other. The point is to be in balance, not push towards one extreme that society labels as good. With Schizophrenia, a person has amplified emotions and a fixation on symbols that he finds in places where there are no symbols. The object he fixates on becomes a fear and it grows so large that it shadows everything else. Using Non-dualism, a person with Schizophrenia can see that there is a whole world around the fixation and that his fear is just one aspect of his mind.

In Buddhism, it is said that the Buddha is your mind. Nothing exists and has any permanence except your mind. Everyone experiences the world with their mind and they can’t know anything that they cannot perceive. When your mind distorts reality, you can’t understand that something is just an illusion. This reminds a person with Schizophrenia that there is no way to be able to spot delusions without being on medication and to expect that sometimes everything they know can be a delusion.

4.5.5 Christianity

King David apparently struggled with depression and fear and he wrote about it in Psalms. We can learn that it is acceptable to be angry with God and question Him and ask Him for help. He will counsel you and give you hope.

First of all, Chinese philosophy is more about Psychology than religion. Second, the Bible and Chinese philosophy both have a similar value system and a singular focus on ethics that leaves the whys out cold.

Existentialists of all persuasions were heavily influenced by Chinese thought. Kierkegaard talked about how man had to realize that he was infinitely separated from God in terms of intellect, but that he could live life with an unimaginable closeness with God. Chuang Tzu explained that we cannot be leaders because we are equal to all sentient beings and all life is interconnected. Both philosophies talk about humility and compassion, but in different ways.

4.6 Galleries Frequently Asked Questions

4.6.1 General

Cows are a symbol for my website and are significant to me because they suffer because other people treat them as objects, just as others treat me as a monster/freak or don’t recognize my struggles as valid.

I was in charged of the military part of the post high school section of a high school orientation program that our class made with Sony Disc Manufacturing. That is what gave me an interest in graphic design. I got my confidence when I used UNIX in the military. I keep up to date on all the latest software by reading daily news sites about what interests me.

4.6.2 Drawings

Still Life is a term I use to denote inanimate objects that are sentient beings. Just as God dreamt us into existence, so we give human being to plush animals (stuffed toys) and other still life.

I never received any formal education in art other than craft work I did in Cub Scouts and elementary school. I did take one class in Gender and Art and a class in Design for Journalists as they were required classes in college. But most of my ability in photography and drawing on the computer is intuitive and I do not use any methods I was taught in school. There are some strategies I use to draw digitally, but this was something I came up with and not something I read somewhere. In fact, still to this day, I don’t use bezier curves to create shapes like most designers do.

4.6.3 Photography

It was said in the Tao te Ching that the sage knows all things although he never travels far from home. I don’t travel far from home because it is hard for me to wait and there is a tremendous amount of waiting in travel. I couldn’t go to other countries, because I depend on my medicine to keep me in my right mind. I could easily get into a life threatening situation, if I wasn’t on my medicine. I also want people to realize how much beauty their is just in our communities and to respect all our resources and life forms that we encounter.

I have always liked trees, long before I had any connection with cows. Trees have many attributes of God and I feel closer to Him when I am near trees. A tree can be very big like God, silent and still like God, very old like God, and provide protection from the elements like God protects us from potential problems.

5 Plush Heart Poetry

The most lively thought is still inferior to the dullest sensation.

⁷⁵

Nature will always maintain her rights, and prevail in the end over any abstract reasoning whatsoever.

⁷⁶

Reality is the truest judge of any theory.

5.1 911 Poetry

5.1.1 Imagine Nothing

I stare at a dim lit smoldering pit

The scenery is the same every day

The more trash they take away

The more that needs to be taken away

I struggle to find an ending

The facts never stop

The theories never meet reality

My fears only grow larger

What joy is there in life?

What can fill the emptiness inside?

My spirit is descended into the dark

I stare at the flashing images on the screen

How can I think of laughing?

How can I imagine a good time?

Will all the days ahead grow in time?

Until the blessed night never falls

I try to imagine a sunrise that satisfies my heart

I struggle through a book to find inspiration for my mind

I stare at the wall and try to think

Nothing comes

Joy and truth are so far apart

The space is wide enough to fit the emptiness of my soul between

Why do I seek truth when it only brings pain?

There are no more abstracts that bring any comfort

Freedom is only meaningful

When the you have good choices to make

Who wants to be famous?

Even the highest authorities have no power

Is there someone who will find a cure for cancer

Or find a way to provide basic health care to all the world?

It is not that they hate us for our mistakes

But the situation that our leaders chose for us

How can you reason with evil?

What motivates a terrorist?

Imagine a world with nothing but facts

Imagine our world

Where temporality rains night and day

Where we have no place for the eternal

Why did Job suffer?

I find comfort that someday all this will end

My thoughts will start again

And the world will be born again

5.1.2 The Meaning of Light

I am aware of the glare of the ten thousand points of light

When I open my door to greet the world with open arms

All independent and intertwined

Sometimes I do not even perceive the darkness

There are a million faces for each point of light

Stretching for more than ten thousand light years in every direction

They are reflected in the brightness of the city below

Standing outside the limits of temporality

He can evaluate every action

He can understand every thought

But I can only guess with my heart

And struggle in circles with my mind

The ten thousand voices outside my head

The reality inside my head has a softer lighting

Every event is a symbol with abundant meaning

It is a stage where plays end and are only visually dramatic

The world around me is not a reflection of mine

There are no answers for the probing lights

My dreams are fulfilled in the light of only a countable number of faces

I am more comfortable with the voices inside my head

Where the points of view are easily resolved

I can always know what is my voice and what is the other

But when I confront the outside world

What should my voice say?

While people and animals are being locked in cages

And while people starve to death and live in fear even in my own country

Are ideas really the answer?

How can I act as one individual without direction?

I used to know all the answers, but now there are no answers

And there is only time to act

Does not eating meat or riding the bus do more than lower my own guilt?

Is keeping my mother’s memory alive just bourgeois?

Does another support group really help people find meaning?

I can look forward to God’s return

We can look forward to a time when people don’t hurry around just to stay alive

Where there is meaning without temporality

Where there is a infinite justice and meaning in the light of the Son

There will be answers but no need for them

let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them. Then all the trees of the forest will sing for joy; they will sing before the LORD, for he comes, he comes to judge the earth. He will judge the world in righteousness and the peoples in his truth

. ⁷⁷

5.1.3 Mad Pride

A network of support

A group of friends

Even a half a dozen or less

Can change the world

They can release smoke that can be seen around the world

They can turn mountain high towers into volcanic like craters

Is it madness to love your cause enough to die for it

Is it cautious to enter an unstable building

I saw a streak of light

Are we under attack

A jet plume fades in the sky

Are we being protected

Did I spell rapped correctly in my chat session

Do FBI agents think the Animal Liberation Group is a terrorist organization

Many amongst us don’t value life

In the way we treat those different than us

Especially those we don’t understand

In the way we train ourselves to kill the monster in our video games

And how we see environmental disasters as different from acts of terror

Could a support group exist without laws?

Could a community funded group actually work together?

Could a network come together just to find meaning in life?

Could a network last that was based on finding joy in the midst of terror?

Could there be a civilization that was not impressed

by laser guided missiles and electronic eavesdropping?

Could there be special forces for charity work?

Could a group be spiritual without evangelizing others?

What does it mean to hear the voice of God?

What is it like to be his messenger?

Can I have my own free thoughts while I take medication for my thoughts?

Is it paranoia when it is based on facts?

Does your belief in a higher power interfere with your sense of personal responsibility?

Does it mean you are insane if you realize dreams or no less real than the physical world?

5.1.4 Insight never goes unpunished

Oh, no we’ll have to give back the mansion

I don’t care that I lost my husband on September 11

But what are we going to do with just a middle class income

Let’s get it back from the Special Master

I’m glad I wasn’t responsible and didn’t buy insurance

It would be counted against me anyway

It’s unfair how some people seem to benefit from wise decisions

I shouldn’t be penalized for not planning ahead

I’m really glad I can buy an entry level house

It really makes up for losing my wife

She was really low class

She wasn’t worth more than the car

What really matters is that the companies are protected

It would really be disastrous if a corporation actually learned a lesson

It would really hurt our economy if companies had to pay for a rational amount of security

Those multinational corporations only make more than third world nations

Insight never goes unpunished

5.1.5 Joy

The joy of creation

The joy of creating

Which is greater:

Process or finished product?

On the seventh day God rested

But are we yet past the sixth day?

Chubby cheeks

Chips of nut shell fall carelessly

Does he know of terror?

The warmth of the sunlight

Brings a memory to recall

The wind passes by

And inspires me for tomorrow

An afternoon of rest

Heals a not so troubled soul

I return to the drawing board

My life is back to normal

But what is normal for a madman?

5.1.6 Save the Anthrax!

Death by anthrax is not a very painful death compared to death by chemical weapons

Then why do we subject those innocent charged with a heinous crime to a more painful fate

Can you not hear the cries of the least of these?

Well that’s because you have not been blessed with Schizophrenia

Powered by the air you and I breathe

With the power of chlorine you but not I destroy the silent organic matter living on your clothes and not hurting anything

Tough on Anthrax spores and even more deadly to rodents and humans hiding in the walls

Gas chambers are the last coughs of millions of our smallest and most numerous fellow Americans

I did not speak out when they came for the Anthrax because I wasn’t a spore

When they came for me there was no one out there to stand up for me

It is no wonder we are afraid of those that are natives of cow skin and soil

We pollute our soil with toxic chemicals to destroy those of different plant races (except for me)

We feed our cattle what we would be afraid to put in our dumps

We know that the spirits of the innocent will arise from the squaller of their ghettos

What will our ancestors say of our prejudice and injustice

Jesus said how he clothed the grass with more splendor of than Solomon

And cattle were considered equal to humans in that they were a worthy sacrifice and saved the weakest of them

Green the blood of angry anthrax

Brown the gas will end at last

Just ask yourself this question - what message does this send to terrorists?

That we gas our own

5.1.7 Aesthetics and Ethics

There is a subtleness to our Maker

My Creator paints with tiny dots

A hundred people may crash in an instant

But a single person gets stabilized on medication

The God I worship is a God of the individual

He does not make every one get down on bended knee

He is gracious and humble

He gently turns individual hearts towards Himself

One molecule different separates a plant from an animal

If even one of a thousand processes work wrong a person cannot see

My Savior understands the power of one

He provided a way for all of humanity by Himself in just three years

Consciousness is a paradox

Existence is a miracle

Is God accountable to us

Or are we accountable to God?

Is it our fault for not making airlines safe

Or is it God’s for not revealing the plot to the FBI?

Can we create a whole world from a singularity?

Can we invent love?

Is there an aesthetics of ethics?

If what we create makes life better for one person

Is not that the definition of divine art?

5.1.8 Dreams come from the Sky

Dreams are in the sky

They float by in puffy white

Laying down in the cool grass

And counting the floating sheep

I lazily gaze at the now peaceful skies of my home land

Now patrolled by plumes of jet exhaust

Ten thousand miles away

The sky fading and space is creeping in

Bright lights appear in the twinkle of an eye

Flames dance and smoke bellows to form ghostly shadows

Manna falling from sky

Voices raining down from heaven

Will there be others who have to suffer from horrendous burns?

Will charred skin seem genetic?

How far will my country go to prove it is stronger than its enemies?

Will others assist us to hunt down those responsible for crimes against humanity?

Dreams come from the sky

Will my dreams for social and environmental justice arise out of this war?

More likely my country will use this as a chance to limit our freedom to think differently

And our ability to be heard

Dreams are not for the lazy

Nor for the disabled

Freedom comes from economic independence

And spiritual reconciliation

5.1.9 Hate Crimes

In pursuit of justice for decades

Seeking recognition of wrong doing

International hate crimes

Blaming the poor for the crimes of the rich

Picking a fight with people who cannot defend themselves

Running to hide under the skirts of their motherland

Polluting the lochs and brochs of hither Celtic shores

In Lockerby, Scotland Pan Am flight 103 met the ground

And almost 300 people met their maker

And only one was held responsible, less than a month for each death

Christmas of 1979 was a time for yellow ribbons instead of tinsel

A man of peace didn’t have any easy answers

In the homeland of many more than three Wise Men

A place of refuge for Americans far east from home

The culture they once loved

Held them hostage for ten thousand nights

And their ransom was paid

And they were told to forget what happened

All in the name of God

National hate destroyed the lives of individuals

Governments and corporations wealthier than nations

Cower behind piles of incomprehensible legal jargon

Use their connections to control the editorials

Waiting out their time in court

They use their money they coerced from unsuspecting individuals

to finance their face saving maneuvers

5.1.10 One Land; Two Peoples

The Past

They were sold into slavery

They were foretold that they would have the land again

They were persecuted for providing a service no one else would: banks

They were nearly exterminated in death camps for being too thrifty

They bought swamp land and made it worthy of their hostile neighbor’s admiration

They were made into a nation without defendable borders by UN mandate

They were attacked and in defense gained territory

They gave it back for empty promises of peace

The Present

Their neighbors are the victims of leaders they did not elect

The terrorists court them with hospitals and schools

Then the terrorists run and others die in the middle

The Israelis put the terrorists on trial for their crimes

Those in cahoots suffer along with their heroes

Why don’t the Israelis build hospitals and schools too?

The Future

The Palestinians are becoming a necessary labor force for the Israelis

Maybe they can join in the economic prosperity of the Israelis

The Israelis need to convince the Palestinians they are only against the terrorists

Maybe this international war on terrorism will help dry up funds for the terrorists

5.2 Analytical Poetry

5.2.1 Great Expectations

The twin virtues

To care and be honest

Is that too much to ask?

How do we care

Without being angry at others?

How do we give the cruel

A second chance?

How can we live life honestly

And interact without judgment?

The day passes by

And the heat grows

Nothing can calm

My pounding heart

The loneliness of rage overtakes me

I am one with nothing

How do I break the news

To my son

His picture is unwelcome

In his grandparents’ house

He does not believe

What I can touch and hear

Everything we give significance

Is born into this dream

With every thought that God has

Something new is born

And with every hug I give

A plush animal awakes

5.2.2 Condensation

A single spark

Can burn down a village

A single shower of light

Can echo for a lifetime

A well placed plug

Can stop a flood

A swig of root beer

Can last for all eternity

Time does not exist

Any more than we are just flesh

More suffering can be experienced

In 5 minutes than 5 years

God can hear a billion prayers

In an instant

A lifetime of writing

Can come down to a single sentence

Our turning points in life

Come in split second decisions

And the world changes

In an hour of debate

Can I experience a lifetime of emotions

In one day?

Will I last a lifetime

Without a split second mistake?

Can I solve our problems

Before I fall asleep?

Will the celebration pause

Long enough for me to find the fatal flaw?

5.2.3 Illusionist

With a gait

As wide as his legs

With a smile

As wide as his nose

He patrols the recesses

Of my mind

Looking to find

The motives of my subconscious

And my subliminal thoughts

The Freudian clues

A bird flies solo

Straight across my frontal lobe

Where there is anger

There are neurons firing rapidly

I wait for my thoughts

There is a conscious pause

Some to catch up

And others to slow down

How do we know

What drives the emotions?

Who is it

That is completely transparent?

What goes on

In the depths

Of the cerebral cortex

Is an insolvable mystery

How can I even know

How I got here?

There is no way

I can figure you out

5.3 Animal Epic Poem

5.3.1 Ecclesiastes 3:19

In a blink of God’s eye

We share the animals life-span

No one knows the fate of the beast

Back to the earth or raised to glory

We are made of clay

And share in its instability

From nothing but matter we were designed

And back to organic sludge we will return

How are we different

From those we lead to the slaughter?

5.3.2 Jeremiah 9:10

Drowning in our own pollution

Our mega-cities vacant as a ghost town

All this comes from sin

And God’s wrath

God mourns for the livestock

Which he can no longer hear in the fields

Wild animals roam

In what has become badlands

5.3.3 Daniel 1:8

With nothing but the fruit of the vine

We need not feast on another’s life

Daniel was stronger than the king’s best men

Living on nothing but herbs and clean water

Wisdom and understanding, health and vitality

Do not arise from piles of carcasses and the devil’s water

5.3.4 Matthew 25:40-43

Your dog was hungry

And all you gave him was the scraps from your table

Your dog was hot in the car

And you let the heat damage his brain

You left you dog chained up outside

And he came back with frostbite

Your dog’s brother was in the kennel

And you left him to die

You’re dog needed to visit the vet

And you said you couldn’t afford it

As you have done to those which society does not value

So you have done to the Son of God

5.3.5 Hebrews 2:10-11

Christ was the supreme sacrifice

With his death, no animal needed give its life

As a sheep transformed into lamb chops

Jesus identified with our woolly friends

Paying the ultimate price

He asked us to eat His body

And drink His blood

And we are His sheep

To be sacrificed in our choices

5.4 The Appointment, an Epic Poem

5.4.1 Waiting

I walk in and sit down

I am there a half hour early

I pull out my magazine

I finish it in ten minutes

I began to think

My mind starts to wander off

How will I interpret the psy babble?

How will I stupefy my ideas?

I keep looking up

As I hear what could be sounds

Will he repeat the same ideas again

Or will I get some gem of useful thinking?

A calm passes over me

I can survive without him

The room is cool

And it is bright outside

What a nice day

It took me an hour to get here

I had to take the bus

Then walk a half a mile

It is always easy to think on the bus

When people aren’t making annoying sounds

And walking always makes me feel good

At first, before I start questioning my every action

Last night it took a while to fall asleep

But it was early when I laid down

I woke up early and still felt tired

The sun wasn’t even out yet

I watched some news

I looked up - I missed the sunrise

I remember now about my chi

I wonder if he will like that

It must seem strange to a doctor

How people could know so much before science

How they used food for medicine

How doctors eventually became politicians

And how complex the diagnosis could be

When everything boiled down to either yin or yang

5.4.2 Preparation

Good - he’s not in the office yet

Don’t need another one of those

So much paper work

I wonder if I really need to give him this test

Like I’m going to come up with a different diagnosis

I wish I could get this damn computer to work

I guess I’ll have to call the maintenance guy tonight

No test today, I guess

Is my tie straight?

He probably doesn’t even care

Where is my coffee?

I guess I’ll have to call up my receptionist

Bring me up my cappuccino!

Thanks

Will I take wifey out to the opera tonight?

I hope I still have the tickets

She probably already found them

And has bought a new dress for it

I can finally sit down

Gee that was a long weekend

Why does my daughter always ask for money

Right at first?

I wonder what job she will get with a major in dance

And when will she actually start

She is going to be 25 before she starts again

At this rate

I forgot to polish my shoes

Not again!

I hope I get some wealthy clients

When I can only charge them 100 an hour

I can barely pay for my SUV

And second home on the beach

I think I hear the client

I should greet him

No, that would be unprofessional

Come in, now

I’m ready to see you

5.4.3 Hot and Cold

Like the crests of the ocean waves

My emotions rose and fell

As he tried to comprehend my ideas

And I sought to apply his suggestions

Like the calm of the lake

I kept an inner confidence

Not merely a master of intellectual wit

But one who has the benefit of powerful experiences

Like a river high in the mountains

I am always near my source

Speaking rapidly and in sudden bursts

I exude a passion for my case

Like a salmon tasting sea water for the first time

I interpret my background in new ways

Each sentence never spoken before

Each thought given a new life

And each idea connected differently

Than even the session before

Like the taste of French fries

The conversation had a familiar flavor

Addictive and satisfying

There was a depth opened up by a true desire

The darkness clear as day

By the light of knowledge

And a peace illuminated

The mystery of the night

For in the middle of my winter

I burned inside like an ember

Like the heat of the midday sun

Blood hot and palms sweaty

This was another time

Where I was really there

In the heat of the conversation

From my heart came laughter

And I was truly happy

A cold resilience

And a warm character

Both analytical and creative

I seemed unsure of which direction

Should I go

A deep set fear and a hearty laugh

Each aspect showed up the other

5.4.4 Black and White

My voice soft and child like

My inexperience showed through

Like my bright blue bow tie

And my beaming smile

I was outspoken and competent

But inside I felt to soft and easily swayed

I try hard to not be self-conscious

To be nothing if not proud

Of my pear shaped figure

And my big feet

Black and white

Red and blue

I am consoling yet firm

Sympathetic yet bold

What am I to make

Of this deafening quiet

And silent screams

With each word I say

He expands to a paragraph

With each inflection of my voice

His mind is stirred

He is interesting and dynamic

Trapped yet freeing others

What can I say

To one who already has the answers?

If he could just listen to himself

And remember my main point

That it is not a race for an answer

But rather a way of sitting

Not a method of thinking

But a way of seeing

A new twist on his broad background

An open window into his soul

A silence in his racing mind

A soft touch with a strong hand

Something to blend the fire and water

That consumes his heart and mind

5.5 unCertainty Poetry

5.5.1 Money Drain

I have felt for a long time

That someone is ripping me off

Those balance sheets

That show up with 20 dollar withdrawals

Day after day

Was that me or has someone

Cracked my account?

I was trying to remember

If I called tech support last month

There has to be some reason

Why my phone bill was so high

Each month I clinch

When I wait to hear from the bank

Like my ATM receipts

And my savings account balance

I’m glad I have an accountant

But sometimes the bill changes

From last month

By a few dollars

How do I know what expenses I incurred?

Did someone screw up

Or did I just forget?

Each day that I have the money

To pay my bills

I should count myself lucky

Many others are actually in debt

I guess my burden is not so much

5.5.2 Software Anomalies

I often wonder

How will my page look on Windows

I did stick to standardized code

And it works on the Mac version

But I am not wealthy enough

To afford two at once

I often don’t find features

The developer claims the program has

Do I pay the money for the book

Or do I stick to a simpler feature set

I usually fix whatever problems I have

With my software

But what if I couldn’t

Would I have saved money if I bought support before

I often see discounts on products

If you buy the computer with the software

Should I wait for the perfect bundle

Or go with what I can get when I need it

When I think it would be nice to have

The program that everyone talks about

To collaborate with others

I hear of all these errors

But is it just the competition nit picking

It is a lot of money to spend on just one thing

But will it open many more doors for me

5.5.3 Relationship Possibilities

I always wonder if it is worth it

To run a personal ad

Will I be able to handle the ups and downs?

Will it be a guy

Or a girl into something weird?

Will I be opening myself up to mind games?

Will she get angry with me

And call her brother to attack me?

Will I have any money left for myself

After paying for dates and gifts for her?

Will it all be worth it?

And will I feel

I couldn’t imagine myself without her?

I feel similarly about friendships

They are hard enough

Finding someone who genuinely likes you

But will give you space

Somebody who is loyal

But not a control freak

Someone fun who likes to do regular things

Someone who appreciates little gestures

Someone who I can relax around

Someone who isn’t sizing me up the entire time

Someone I can do things for

Without thinking they are using me

5.6 Clarity in Conviction, an Epic Poem

I am a rock crushed and beaten to dust

I am a clay jar wet with rot, pried and pulled to disfigurement

I am rushed by in shrieking winds of light

I am filled with void and darkness

I stand at the edge of human thought and reason, quivering uncontrollably

I am surrounded on each side

To the right, pain

And to the left, despair

Behind me, fear

And death alone stands before me

All was biting flames and smothering fog

Dancing and laughing sadistically

Drowning in this red hot furnace

I was bound and gagged with pure terror and relentless pain

Nothing existed but pain and terror

But for a single ray of light immortal

After eternity passed five times

I passed through the iron doors of night impenetrable

Still choking and burning on the rot and char within

Pain and not pain were all that existed

I am part of nothing

And nothing is part of me

Having rejected everything

And everything having rejected me

I am a man, a soldier

And nothing more

And madness did but all consume me

If not for many a labor of love

So once fully alone and silent still

I did let the sun shine in and heal the rot and char

Within the daily fears and petty tribulations that did haunt me

And in the midst of the multitudes busy

Did He, in the humble summer day breeze,

Find I to be wanting and unworthy

So in the cool of the day

With the entire continuum of time and space shuddering

Did my Savior present Himself

As the only worthy sacrifice

Obedient to even death, He did defeat

That which did seek to torment me most eternally

As God raised Jesus from the dead

From there I venture as a simple pilgrim, asking for directions as I go

Finding in the Word He had left me

A map to discern the directions to be trusted from that which should not be

At times outrunning my companions

And at other times standing almost completely still

I find clarity in the conviction of this truth

That God raised Jesus from the dead

And so I go ever on

As He walks humbly by my side

The living flame imperishable walking

To the pace of a mortal man

My companion, my Lord, as my real Father

He who created me is not yet finished

He turns the circle of life, the potter’s wheel

To mold my empty and disfigured thoughts into the pure and noble thoughts of His Son

Making me into the likeness of the real Son of Man

From the inside out

I am baptized in His Grace, so

That He can make me a new creation

Making me again with fresh clay and water

And filling the emptiness with His love and His peace

And now my eyes are more fully opened

And I now see the unending power and goodness of Christ within me and the truth of His Word all around me

I am no longer male or female, white or black, young or old,

But bought at the highest price and no longer my own

I now call myself after my master, Christian

He that I may serve and in so doing be free from my most eternal enemy, myself

And as the road goes ever on and on,

And I stumble along the way, from time to time

And as I return to the foot of the cross each day

And learn again why I cannot master myself

And I realize each time more and more

How amazing was that grace that saved a wretch like me

5.7 Our Dearly Beloved Leader, fallen in the line of duty

5.7.1 Discredited

Power is a dangerous thing

The lust for power is even worse

Leadership can be a violent game

When jealous is stirred in

When we have lost all faith

In our elected officials

We project our distaste

On those of any caliber

It doesn’t matter any more

That they did the best they can

Or no one can do any better

All we can see is blood

The only reason we can know is oil

We don’t like being told no

And we forget what others did before

But we only think of the mistakes

Of our recently discredited

We can’t see beyond the green

And our perception magnifies their reach

Its easy to complain

And the rage keeps us going

But in the end

What have we done?

A man has lost his livelihood

A shepherd has lost his flock

One mistake and all his decisions are cross-examined

Looking for a pattern of lies

When there stands before us an honest man

All I know

Is he helped me

5.7.2 This leader is a worker too

Shovel in hand and bent over

He puts his hand into the ring

His job is what needs to get done

He is a worker and a leader

Some may call this is a power trip

But I call this hard work

I know feelings are delicate

And everyone wants to complain about the boss

But we have to stop and think

Would another leader be any better?

Would another leader permit

The horse to run unsaddled?

Carrying out coaches and tables

Not asking others to do what he wouldn’t do

He has overseen a face lift of the building

He has completed a major project

Does effort count?

Do results count?

I guess all that matters

Is that we get our way

Are we here to work

Or to vote on every decision?

There are people coming

More and more each month

But he picks up a paint brush

And kneels down to put in carpet

Should we accuse him of not caring for the workers

When he is one himself?

5.7.3 Know your limits

He refers me to the kitchen manager

I should have checked with her first

I wish he wouldn’t get involved in food matters

I wish he knew his limits

He refers me to the activities director

I should have checked with him first

I wish he wouldn’t get involved in activities matters

I wish he knew his limits

He refers me to the director of care

I should have checked with her first

I wish he wouldn’t get involved in care matters

I wish he new his limits

I tried not to go to him for everything

But no one else followed that idea

I wonder why everyone thinks

He got involved too much

Maybe its because everyone went to him first

5.8 Duality Poetry

5.8.1 A Man, Nothing More

Could a broken soldier be the same man

As a tormented artist and suffering writer

Whose sleep comes harder?

A soldier longs for home

An artist longs for something to hold

In a flash of the camera

A lifetime of experience

A pace that never lets up

A falter in the climb

The fire devours the heart

The heat consumes the poetry

A timid laugh

Shame and disappointment disguised

Too long a Soldier Artist

A pawn of no one

A disfunctioning wheel in the corporate machine

If only my mind would turn off

Like the light switch

Belief without doctrine

Names without distinctions

A word created man

A man uses words for the Creator

My heart may be an invention

But my art is not

In plain clothes

I don’t disguise my uselessness

Without personal transportation

Or protein that comes with a face

Too soon a Peasant Scholar

5.8.2 Like a Peasant

A soldier preparing for battle

Smelling a stench that burned the nostrils

I bravely entered into a little room

In the span of several minutes

Eternity passed five times

Alone in hell

I was paralyzed with fear

Compassion was never present

I left with an anger that could not be quenched

Prophet of God

Called to a sacred mission

The only one who could stop the tribulation

Taking the pain upon myself

The suffering of 3-1/2 years in a matter of minutes

The other half as a lonely wanderer

The sun came up and the wind became lively

One life sacrificed for billions of others

I was led by others to a place I did not want to go

Hitting rock bottom

Waking up in a room locked from the outside

My life began again I could not advocate for myself

Hours went by like weeks

Time was playing tricks on me

One freak in a million who lives by himself

This is truly something

Someone who dared to challenge society

To hold himself accountable to both reason and faith

Who challenges himself to create more intelligent pieces of art each time

Who expands to different disciplines as he breaks into one at a time

A happy child with control over his destiny I return to the joy of my youth

Now more thoughtful in word and action

A handicap that I struggle with daily

But without pain

5.8.3 Like a Soldier

Fighting all our lives

For just a moment in time

For that natural high

That reflective sigh

For that minute of silence

When the world stops

And you keep going

That sweet sorrow

Comes when we look back

Nothing will be repeated

A feeling that never ends

The moment will fade

But the silence I will keep

And the tune will play in my head

Humor comes in such surprising moments

But the pain lingers on and drags into hours

What will stop the deep sorrow

From penetrating my bruised heart?

We are most alone

When the other first closes the door

Pain is deeper than a bullet wound

When we have a sorrow that can’t be resolved

How do we fight

With just one step in front of the other?

Sometimes it is harder just to keep standing

We are not defeated when we fall down

Or fall short of our expectations

And death need not be a defeat

But that is not the worst fate

Some fight with paper

It is not how many balls that land in the trash

That measures their success

It is not the expected outcome

That foreshadows loss

Every moment we breathe with a sigh

That is how we know we are alive

Through the hours that never let up

We do our work with less and less hesitation

But it is not what defines us

It is in the all nighters

And the long evening talks

That we remember

5.8.4 Life’s Parallels

Setting down my protective mask

And logging off my workstation for the last time

My duty done

Someone else will save the world tomorrow

I heard God on the radio

Leaving the fantasy world permanently

The world is no longer a projection of my mind

I swallow the red pill

And wake up outside the protective matrix

I followed God through the start of the millennium

Sitting at a table in a local deli

The radio was on for the first time

Reality comes crashing down

Our nightmares are played on the black box in our living rooms

God kept me from sinking into my sorrow

Taking a good look behind

I see some of the past in my future

The old world that my ancestors came from is a news flash away

We are part of them and they are part of us

Time places no limits on God

What separates us from madness and violence is a very thin line

5.8.5 Nearsighted

One day

Dark clouds

Drenching rain

Men carrying oxygen stroll by

Poorly waterproofed women wander around

The next day

Gray Light

Cool air

Leaf acrobatics

Swinging lights

I cannot see further than today

Who knows what is on the other side of the horizon

A day of self doubt and over self consciousness

Or a creative burst of energy

Falling into a depression

Or working diligently at the computer

Hearing voices as I lay down

Or talking on the phone with family

A day of treats and special snacks

Or a day of rice and tofu

Walking halfway across the city

Or waiting on the Internet on the other side of the country

My sinus draining into the night

Or my teeth getting tired from munching

Pushing my cows in their truck

Or bringing out their girlfriends to visit

I will sleep well tonight

Thanks to the tranquilizing effects of my medication

5.9 Eugene Poetry

5.9.1 Home Coming

I walk under your emerald arches

The lighting is soft and gentle

The wind smoothes my jacket

The path rotates under my feet

Moss formed patches of velvet

On the outstretched arms

The smell of wet leaves

And scent of rich earth

My brothers hail my return

The tree guardians proclaim "You are worthy of our friendship”

And I answer "The time has come? "

The streaming air and light bring back

A blur of memories that swell my frontal lobe

And the setting shifts

My senses no longer focus on the present

I am no longer a prisoner of loneliness

With one footstep I cross through the doorway

To my city

Loaded with a few belongings

My soul feels even lighter

There is nothing clouding my eyes

And my headache is gone

My stride becomes regular

And the noise grows

I hear people new to the world

The world which you begin to make yourself

And my kids only begin to grow impatient

As I open the door

And set them down

They smile

5.9.2 Southwest

Shadows cover my path

The concrete comes up to meet my feet

I am comfortable on these streets

The buildings and trees are familiar

It is with a steady stride

And a knowing gaze

That I cover the ground to the station

And begin my journey southwest

I uncover new storefronts

And welcoming signs

As the route passes through

The main commercial stretch

With names from my memory

I recognize familiar outposts

The route nears the end

Trees encroach and apartments loom

We break through that dark stretch

And the grass is scorched by the sun

We are now on church row

One on every block this way

I now leave their company

And greet the pavement

With soft steps

It is just another complex

But I take a chance

The courtyard opens up

To embrace my wide eyes

It is not so far from the street

But there is barely a whisper

With each pace my vision gets wider

Benches appear erratically

And grills dot the landscape

The low duplexes guard the interior

And people begin to appear

An open court beckons

And the pool beams

Hiding within the low duplexes

Laundry is refreshed

And I arrive home

What will I do with the second bedroom?

And the extra vanity

A squirrel races up the tree

And I relax under the shade

Of a nearby tree

5.9.3 Upwards and Onward

Happy and energetic squirrels

A bounty of nuts

A tin shack

A house on blocks

A fallen tree branch

A near miss

Mr. Hamburger was nice

The gophers were happy

The Holy Spirit played with the mice

Up early and to the hospital

A spacious park

A box of roses

Games in the trees

Battle with still life

A childhood crush

A broken porcelain

A group of young boys

Woodworking and gluing

Our first house

A mixed neighborhood

A prison like school

Constant pinching and kicking

Failures in the shop

Newspapers for meth distributors

A group of rowdy boys

Alone in the woods

A new school

Multitudes of clubs

Counseling and imaginary worlds

Dead last at the meet

Off the book experiments

A backlog of assignments

A political action committee

Sponsored by the school

Ceremonies and awards

A year of excitement and anticipation

Home from war

Wandering through campus

Behind on credits

Sudden highs and lows

Fear of interrogation

Inspiration and new ideas

Alone in my apartment

Can’t find a job

A spontaneous trip to the hospital

All better now

5.9.4 The Old Church Again

Old and familiar

Putting on a new face

With childhood memories

Too numerous to count

The sound of the foose ball table

The sight of the old house

Hearing new ideas

That inspired us to dream

Of a time when we went to the lake

And played an unusual game

The trip to San Francisco

Wild rides and the shopping on the docks

Retreats for the family

And service projects for the elderly

Selling eggs

And singing carols at retirement homes

Flowing in a dream

Struggling to stay awake

The light was soft

And there was a glow

Familiar faces

Passing by in the distance

Coming closer

Recognizing my smile

Struggling with words

Shock and surprise

Forgotten for many years

The silence was deafening

Each word another lifetime

The stress was growing

Each concept illustrated

In ten thousand ways

If I could only accept the pace

And be at ease with the rhythm

New songs

And familiar verses

A praise of individuality

And an appreciation for the truth

New adventures planned

And phone numbers exchanged

A restful sleep

And some time to reflect

5.10 Freedom Poetry

5.10.1 Oregon

The city below is bright

With a thousand points of light

Through the night

I journey in a dream

Before the wagon trains first began their trail

Before explorers first claimed the Oregon Territory

Before lumber jacks sawed half a day

To fell one tree

Before the ferries cruised

Up and down the river

Before this city was even chartered

Before there were Skinner and Spencer Buttes

Before the University was founded

Before even one brick building was covered in ivy

To a thousand years ago

Before the oldest tree was born here

Fishing for salmon in the white water

How the chill burned to the bone

Building long houses without one metal nail

How long it must have taken to raise one timber

Searching for edible plants in the forest

How many hours to find out if it was safe to eat

Placing traps to catch little furry animals

How sad it was to see the first one die

Seeing a full grown bear stand up to forage

How much fear was in the human heart

The wind along the Columbia took their breathe away

While they listened to the echoes of their voices

The desert heat dried their flesh to leather

While they studied the fossilized rocks

Thrown down by the waves along the coast

As they counted every grain of sand in their hand

Wet with dew in the middle of the alpine forest

Arising from the moss covered tree branches

What is it like for land to be owned by no man?

With the frontier stretching limitless before you

A place where there are no roads

And you are the only one of your species for miles

There is no time you have to wake up

And no boss to tell you how to live

Is this freedom?

5.10.2 Greater Family

A familiar face

A gentle smile

A warm embrace

A firm handshake

Thoughtful words

A good talk

Just happened to be born together

Or forged the bonds of friendship over time

The experiences of childhood

The decisions of adulthood

Frequent visits

And routine phone calls

Illness happens to one

Failure happens to another

What a comfort and a freedom

There is when you are part of something greater

These are all a part of family

Just one could not explain the feeling

But there is a greater family

There are bonds that are greater than birth

Many of us are related by blood

From different nationalities

We were all adopted by our Heavenly Father

We were all won back from disgrace

We all are born under water

And are matured under fire

We share a common personal history

Of shortcomings and grace

We share a special meal together

It is the very blood and body of the Son

We meet in old wooden buildings

And cathedrals of living light

Some have broken away for meetings

But all are adopted by the same Father

When one is ill

They use aromatherapy and prayer

When someone fails

We use psychotherapy and prayer

When another is adopted

We have a ceremony and pray

When a family forms within the greater family

We exchange vows and pray

Prayer is the language of the family of the cross

And everything else is secondary

5.10.3 Taming the Mind

Waves lap at the edge of my mind

The interior is a vast expanse of sand

Torn by raging waters

And rugged mountain peaks

It is anything but calm

This is not the sound of silence

Messages fly like carrier pigeons

Familiar with the terrain

The ravens out fly the pigeons

The buzzards peck at the fallen ones

Overgrown brush covers the mountains

And the ocean is covered in algae

Voices from far away echo off the mountains

Voices from within get muffled by the vegetation

Dark clouds cover the sky

And settle down like a mist over the rivers

Lightning bolts across the sky

And knocks the ravens dead in their tracks

Stunned, they fall below

And become entangled in the flora

A thought travels across the expanse

Self awareness occurs

Swift and majestic an eagle soars

Crying out thoughts from the heart

The mist lifts and little villages become visible

The people burn back the overgrowth

Fish team up in the ocean and finish off the algae

The waves subside and gently rock the fishermen’s boats

The people build roads that connect the villages

They send out horses to hurry the mail along

Farms now occupy the land where there once was desert

The rivers are directed to irrigate the land

The natural chaos is contained and settled

Their is freedom from random deaths

Each thought now travels in a caravan

With guards patrolling all sides

The eagles still patrol the skies

And the buzzards clean up the fallen ravens

The inhabitants for now have tamed the land

But whenever the sky becomes dark

They remember what it was like to be isolated and alone

5.10.4 Life of Leisure

I wake up and check my mail

And take my sane pills

I check in with my mom

She cheers me up

Money in my account every month

Except its not really my account

It’s Monday again

I’m about to withdraw my spending money

Satan called and said he hates me

My plush cow wants to play

I fall asleep on my way to the store

The guy on the corner is plotting against me

Another day of finding someone to publish

A Christian Non-Dualist Schizophrenic Veteran

Doing my daily reading of world literature

And reading about more reasons to quit using Windows

And wading through my college application

How long will it take at one course at a time?

The afternoon has come

And my mood has deflated

Will I ever do anything important?

Will I ever feel happy again?

But there is no boss

And I have more time to write

If I really could write all day

And keep my train of thought

I have to see the nurse next month

She likes to experiment on me

How will she change my medicine next time?

Bow wrote his first word - Islam

Beary got his shirt cleaned

I found their hearts last night

They now have a new box for their toys

5.10.5 Commitment and Freedom

A perfectly made bed

And a perfectly pressed uniform

A hard run across the pavement

And push-ups on the living insect ground coverings

A breakfast of hard grits

And salty juice

A bleached protective mask

And a lubricated rifle

A rotating shift

With different days off every week

Are far from a perfect way

To get an edge on life

Running is the only freedom

When you are being put under combat stress

You’re only break is when you are in church service

When the drill sergeant is always breathing down your neck

Over 5 years later

Outside the grip of Uncle Sam

There is a calm deep inside

A feeling of silence never leaves

There is no reason to always be alert

There is no threat of attack

There is no one to make all your decisions for you

There is a freedom in being done with war

There is no allegiance that you have to die for

No commitment that might end your life

There is an excitement that comes

When you can go anywhere tomorrow

There is a contentment that comes

When you know you are working for peace

There is a way that you can relax

When you will not be insulted for slipping up

There is a confidence that comes

When you can plan your own day

War brings nothing good

And being done with it is the greatest relief

Why should we sacrifice

For decisions others have made?

What war ever brought less war to follow?

And when will they ever end?

Maybe if they stop enlisting

The Army will have to cease hostilities

5.11 French Poetry

5.11.1 Spirits Follow

I am the wound and the knife! I am the blow and the cheek! I am the limbs and the wheel, And condemned and executioner!

⁷⁸

Alone in a crowd

All cramped in a tiny room

Locked in from without

All I could see is red

Shivering in torment

Like a doomed soul

Baptized in hellfire

Will they ever let me out?

Alone in my bed

All warm and well fed

A dark cloud rises from the vents

And shakes the window

My soul shivers

And I lay motionless

A wicked voice whispers

My worst fears

There is a danger that is greater than death

There is a fear greater than going mad

There are times when you wish you could hide

Under the shadow of the Lord

There is a way that you could escape

If you locate your enemy

Left hand betraying the right

Your heart revealed secrets to your mind

A dislocated soul

And a warped spiritual dimension

What sword can penetrate to the heart

Dividing the bone from the marrow?

Fighting for peace

Is a delicate struggle

When your home is booby trapped

And your foe looks like your friend

Nothing is sacred

And you are never really alone

5.11.2 The End of Sorrow

Be wise, my Sorrow; oh, more tranquil be! You yearned for day’s decline; it comes, is here: Steeping the town, the darkening atmosphere Brings peace to some, to some despondency

⁷⁹

From things undone

And fantasies unfulfilled

From out of nowhere

In a sudden burst

Like a blow to the head

A swollen nerve

A weight over my head

Unsteady, I wobble

Things are at an angle

I see in flashes

Quickly to my bed

I hurry as one can

With such a burden

Deviating on my way

Only once I scoop them up

Cradling them gently

Relaxed and soft to the touch

My two best friends are plush

The greatest listeners

Wide eyed

And squinty eyed

We count the sheep

And pull the darkness close

A comforting voice

"I love moo”

And affection returned

A cow kiss

Little hooves

And little horns

In the silence

We turn our backs on sorrow

For a while

And let the night heal

Our plush hearts

5.11.3 Drunk with Purpose

Drunk with what? With wine, with poetry, or with virtue, as you please But be drunk

⁸⁰

With a steady interest

In maximizing my usefulness

I wake up to the Internet

Reading mail from my family

Sifting through the computer news

I think of something to respond to

To discover different mediums to communicate

To find new ways to think

The world comes into my living room

With the breaking news and inept commentary

I wade through the junk

And withstand the unkind

I look to find my place in the world

Something to make a difference at

I search the classics for questions to answer

For frameworks to give life meaning

And on to hear my mothers voice

What she thinks of my progress

And in the routine of her day

I find perspective to approach my struggles

I feed my mind with thought moderation

I nourish my heart with vegetables and grains

Now is the hard part

The little rodent spins in my head

I dance about the screen

My eyes giving feedback to my fingers

The city just waking up

And making yawning sounds

Soft warmth radiating on me

Shadows forming in the back of my mind

Ideas take form in the recesses of my hard drive

I sort out the poisons I heard

And design a world

Out of the various shades of black for substance

Setting different lights to give texture

Slumped over on the couch

Plush friends in hand

I struggle to make it to my bed

I roll back and forth

Drunk with purpose

5.11.4 Awakening and Rebirth

And in weird shadows rhyming, plucked liked lyres, The laces of my martyred shoes, One foot against my heart

⁸¹

Awakening from a long dream

As if in a waking stupor

I began a quest

For women and romance

I wandered in the dance of freedom

Not yet shouldering responsibility

There was a world of my own

Where fluffy cats patrolled

And the mud never ended

Out from which grew the greenest grass

Visions of respect

Coming from the halls of Vala

In a daze of light I a hero

Years later

In a room with sixty men

I lost my emotional innocence

The pain was all I could see

And the quest failed to find the grail

Still clutching on to youth

Fighting for the dream of her

The one I loved

Like a nightingale in the Pit

Coming out of Hell

I was now wise beyond my years

And more foolish than a child

I parted with my memoirs

And fire quenched my desires

Born again from out of the furnace

I walked the path of a peasant

And longed to be a scholar

The following years

Bloomed with new growth

Evergreens were planted in my soul

And the young redwoods budded

Out of the ashes of memory

Not a prophet

Just a disciple

I learned my lesson

And expand my compassion daily

5.11.5 That Kind of Woman

Rattlings of death and rings of muted music make her adorable body rise, expand and tremble like a ghost

⁸²

Independent and confident

Elegant and refined

Like a tower she stands tall

Leaning neither forward nor backward

A top her head a violet waterfall

Framing her long nose and round eyes

A thousand words she tells with her eyes

With danger and excitement she tells her story

Casting long shadows

They are bright and mischievous

Her mouth parts with breath inhaled

There is a glint of star shine

She is worldly and sensual

Many fall for her charms

Face stark white

And lips red as blood

She is strong and bold

Mysterious and hidden

Like a young girl from Africa

Her hips gently swaying

Moving in gentle strides

She has somewhere to go

Nose adorned with precious metal

Looking down her stomach shines

She is radiant and hot

Sexy and charming

Her jeans black and fitted

She walks on platform shoes

She craves challenge

And she yearns for excitement

5.11.6 Desert Mist

Like a clamorous flock of startled birds, All my memories swoop upon me

⁸³

My eyelids are heavy as depleted uranium

My heart is burned with radiation

In a flash of the flares

And in the yellow smoke

My mind turns to my childhood

To others taken away

In the silent night

Fire-fights lit up the sky

One side obliterated in hours

Burning carcasses littered the desert

The Army goes rolling along

Over barricades at 40 mph

Pausing only seconds between firing

The young knights barely of age

Trampling the cavalry of years gone by

I dream of a time

When my boots were always polished

And my shirt ironed flat

Of fears lived

And hopes vanished

The god of war is steel

And the protector is a rubber mask

In danger I plead with logic

And critical time slips by

There is no escape

From the grips of Uncle Sam

This is a time

That I remember all too well

When staying awake

Is the least of your worries

When hitting the target is an empty goal

And clearing your rifle seems unimportant

There are times when you want to fly away

And now I can

But when you are in the middle of the beast

There is little you can do

Suicide seems rational

But that would bring little relief

When you hear "Gas! Gas! Gas! ”

Two and half seconds is not fast enough

5.11.7 Nightfall

Your soul is a landscape rare

⁸⁴

It is nightfall and my spirit is free

What a relief darkness brings

The soul struggling for relief

From pressure to scream

Black blood dripping on writing paper

What can I say to make the thoughts stop?

Running on empty, my spirit is faint

Sweet sleep comes with much effort

Dreams offer a more colorful view

Of this landscape of my mind

The air is clear and so is my mind

The void is all that occupies my thought

Ideas like the stars are not out tonight

My imagination is held back by dark clouds

Below lights blur into the night

And only the baser part of me is alive

Thoughts come by at the speed of light

That travels 25 miles an hour

People are already beginning to awake

And my mind is warming up

The lights change from red to green

Is this a sign?

Who knows what lurks in the shadows

Sleepy little furry animals

Maybe a duck bobbing up and down

In the gentle current of the slew

The bus comes by pulling the wind

My inspiration just went by

Nothing to do but listen to the sounds

Of people waking up

The train goes by

And so did the point

5.12 Furry Friends Poetry

5.12.1 Zen Dog

Sweeping tail

And running in circles

She wolfs down the biscuit

Her colleague is crunching patiently

A frisbee takes off

She catches it in mid air

She sees water

And she runs in

A rock takes leave of my hand

She dives in and finds another near by

A flock of birds takes off nearby

She points

What is it like to have such a friend

With so much excitement

With no ego

And no wasted time?

Each day she grows more alert

Staying away from alcohol

And hard bones

She takes care of herself

And it shows

With each sudden step

She has an inner confidence

In every aspect of her life

She grows each day

Her mind is full

Of her best friends face

Taking her along on long rides

She frequently stops at familiar parks

And for people they have come to know

Collecting twigs and leaves

They both are friends of the earth

Each time they meet

There is a warm embrace

The food is plentiful for both

She sees her colleague

In good moods and in bad ones

Their fur is the same color

One woolly and one silky

But they come from different cultures

And have a diversity of proud lineage

They share a meal

And each other’s toys

Feelings are shared without hesitation

And communication is always open

5.12.2 Fat Cat

Most Persians are nice

But I am not

My smooched face

Is a product of my distemperment

I go to bed angry

And my face get stuck like that

I am definitely a Republican

I don’t think anyone deserves to live at the expense of others

Except me

I know that I am cute

And I use this to my advantage

I use my looks

To get them to let me in

And then I pee in the corner

When no one is looking

I only like to eat expensive food

Like seafood out of the can

I don’t keep my fur up

I am too good to have to groom myself

I let my peasant person do it for me

She combs out the knots

I growl when she helps me

So she knows I am higher class than her

I love baskets

And still delude myself into thinking

I am always safe in them

As I was taught as a child

If you pick me up

Out of my basket

I grab on to it

I don’t let go

And then drop it down

For you to trip on

5.12.3 Little Chipmunk

I enjoy living here

There are so many nuts

And other chipmunks

To play with

I spend most of my day

Gathering nuts and burying them

I like to watch the people

But if they get close enough

To catch me

I run up the tree nearby

Sometime when we get bored

We throw nuts at the windows

And laugh

As the neighbor kids get blamed

We purposely bury our nuts on the lawn

In little mounds

So when it is mowed

Our nuts are chopped up for us

We are starting to get sick now

As your bug and weed poisons

Are making our kids disruptive in school

And our kids become violent

After watching human children play

Please don’t chop down the nut trees

We have lost most of our forest friends

Don’t let us lose our families too

5.13 Furniture Poetry

5.13.1 Fifty Panels (Curtains)

dancing in the wind

fluttering out sideways doing stunts

snuggling up close

swinging back and forth gracefully

slapping each other on the back

doing the twist

riding on the wind

patting each other on the bottom

letting their feet dangle

shaking themselves silly

leaning from side to side

wrestling around with each other

jumping out at me

pushing one back and forth between themselves

hanging in the breeze

jostling each other out of line

5.13.2 The Lamp

pushing her dress down as it flares up

leaning back against the wall

wiggling her body up and down

shaking her hips back and forth

swinging her arms out around her

letting her arms dangle down

peering over the wall

shrugging her shoulders

standing on the tip of her toes

bobbing her head up and down

5.13.3 Smoke Detector

Ever ready sentinel

Guardian of our belongings

Friend of the firefighters

Loud noisemaker

Staying awake all night

Willing to perish in flames

Your duty is your life

Blending into the wall

What is it like not to be conscious?

5.13.4 The Window

You are our eyes

We come to you to think

You are a barrier to another world

But you are a special gateway too

You project pathways of flying dust

You are the death wish of birds

You are an ever changing picture

With one fell blow you wouldn’t be there

5.13.5 The Door

Unless we kick you in violently

You stand tall and straight

Facing cruel storms without a storm door

Your finger outstretched

You are secure

You bloom at Christmas and mourn at Halloween

5.13.6 Picture Frames

You have our loved ones safe inside you

They peer out at us knowingly

Forged of rich woods and burnished metal

You lean slightly to the side

Why are you not straight?

We sometimes blame the ground

5.13.7 Couch

Beloved couch

I hug your pillows at night

You are so firm and supporting

Your back is strong to hold my weight

5.13.8 Blanket

You cover me with the splendor of a grass covered mound

My feet stick out like roots growing under the sidewalk

Your softness caresses even my toes

You welcome me warmly

5.14 Intelligence Poetry

⁸⁵

5.14.1 It’s Growing

I meet the challenges of each project

I surpass myself with greater stretches of my imagination

Each time I complete something new

I look back each day in reflection

It is with a broken rhythm that I follow through

With that which I choose for myself

From writing to reading to drawing

There and back again

Each project something different entirely

But related to every other one in ten thousand ways

Each blurring the distinction between reading writing and drawing

Reaching beyond the limits of distinction

Between the modes of artistic operation

There is a struggle at many points

This creates another kind of broken rhythm

Where the push comes at different angles and in different movements

Is there ever a plateau of peace for an artist

Or is the battle the definition of art?

It would be relaxing to forget about my expectations

And no one would fault me for caring a little less about achievement

But what does that say to others

Who have even greater obstacles to overcome?

With each new project I become a different person

But is it the contents of my portfolio that grow

Or my heart?

But what good is it to grow inside?

But not have anything to give to others

With each word I come nearer to completion of my work

With each second I come nearer the end of my life

How will I make the words count

And the seconds pass by more slowly?

If life is lived too fast

And too much gleaned from too little a stalk

The life of the plant will not last as long

And the sun will fade the life out

Does art even affect others?

Is it too abstract to feel

Or is it just that there are too few

Who are willing to change?

5.14.2 Don’t Look Back

With so little time left

Why look back?

It is not the time to look back

Because I can hardly turn my head far enough to get a good angle

There is little room left for turning around

On this narrow road of the muse

But it might look something like this

Where everything means something

There were times when I could not see

Right in front of my face

There was a fog that never lifted

There was a silence that never let up

The air was blurred with the brilliance of the sun

And nothing could escape the glare

I reflected back the warped light

That shown down on me

And there was nothing but shadows

And bright spots darting around me

What appeared to be the stark truth

Was just another lie

Just another reason

For my mind to play tricks on me

There were times when I could barely hold on the world

And there was nothing that could fill the void

When no one was really there

And nothing was real except fear

There was no reason to keep going forward

There was a stop just a head

And my mind had to get off

With nothing to guide me

But illusions of grandeur

Who could recognize me as a prophet

But my true enemy - my deluded mind

With each step it became easier to walk

And I started walking forward

My mind stopped going in circles

And there was time to stop and ask for directions

5.14.3 Ain’t too Proud to Beg

Please stay for me

It is not often that your visit is so pleasant

What can I do to make you more comfortable?

What reason is there for you to comfort me?

It is not that I need the company

But that you are now a part of me

I do not trust my choices

Without your guidance

It is not that you make such a difference

In the daily routines that I struggle with

But it is the long lonely nights

And times I push to get more done

That I need you most

That no other will work as substitute

Now that you understand

How I feel

I can perhaps show you

The depth of my desire

Without your imagination I can create nothing

Without your intellect I cannot understand why I create

Without your calm I cannot go through a stressful moment

Without your judgment I cannot stay away from the hospital

There are times when you go away

Without telling me

I have a hard time

Letting you go

But that is no reason

To leave without notice

I try my best to take care of you

But you are so hungry for attention

You eat up so much time

And you do not remind me when you need something

I work hard to keep you entertained

And out of trouble

But can there be a time

When you can look after me?

Could you make it on your own

Just one day more?

5.14.4 All I Need

I’m sorry that it happened that way

I didn’t know that I hurt you

There is a blindness with love

That no salve can heal

There are reasons why I do not notice

That which hurts you most

It is not that I don’t care

But obliviousness is common in our relationship

We do not communicate so as to not hurt the other

Why we cast long glances at each other in silence

The truth is just too sad

And the reality uncompromising

What is there to a meaningful relationship?

What would it take to make us happy together?

Is it filled with mirrors and sunlight

Or is it better that it be cool and dark?

Is self love the same as a long friendship?

Does there need to be some other comparison?

Does the mind know the heart as well

As two lovers know of each others likes?

Can you trust your heart

When your mind is broken?

Is there a way to heal both organs at once?

How can one live without either one?

The mind’s heart is fragile indeed

But strong enough to wound the greater heart

How can I say I am sorry

When my heart cannot think without you?

There must be something to do

To mend a broken mind

There must be a way

To learn from the heart

Is the heart the only organ that loves

Or is the mind the only part that can feel true love?

5.14.5 I Wish it would Rain

There are times when the sky weeps for us

When we are not strong enough to let out our feelings

Sometimes it feels like that is the only way

To weep enough to satisfy your heart

The mind is not as strong as the heart

But it feels all the more

Sometimes it is not smart to think with your heart

And feel with your mind

But that is how it usually works out

We don’t seem to have enough sense

To use our organs right

I cannot walk farther than the grocery store today

I cannot smile long enough for you to see

There are not enough hours to sleep today

I cannot complete a sentence today

Without my mind able to do the heavy thinking

My heart is troubled

And here doesn’t seem to be any relief

There is no way to hold back the flood of feelings

I wish I could stop the blinding heat

Emitting from my mind

There is nothing to slow the pain

When the heart no longer has a hold

5.15 Jesus Poetry

5.15.1 The One

The words jump out at you

They dance on the page

A steady light to pierce through the mist and shadows

A light that gravity cannot bend

A power that surpasses that of the undead

Like a quark compared to a strand of DNA

A book of the highest magic

A chill like that of a winter storm

As soothing as a glass of tea for a sore throat

A written record that proves history as we know it is a lie

Balrogs and Orcs ambush us at every turn

The road goes ever on and on

He stands taller than an Elven King

With strength greater than that of a ring

The battle is fought even in the Shire

Little Hobbits pass by without notice

The evil within is greater than that of the Dark Lord

We must struggle each year with the pain of our youth

Stepping out on the first day of the Fellowship

Knowing terror lurks under every darkened forest

But that One older than the forest is singing merrily

And in the havens the Immortals sing songs higher than we can sing

We are inseparable with the One even when at the farthest reaches of the universe

Our brothers and sisters move in concert with our every twitch

The words spoken by the Hebrew prophets thousands of years ago

Are a postmodern deconstruction of our present situation

What broke the symmetry of the emptiness?

Is it the same force that has slowed down the explosion of new life forms?

That disharmony increases with every day

That we fly apart faster every second

5.15.2 The Majestic, Down to Earth

A comet down to a meteor pebble

A red giant star to a black hole

The One now just a grain of sand in a mile long stretch of beach

The One now a snowflake in a winter snowstorm

How much greater was His descent to earth?

With the authority to bend the laws of physics and chemistry

With the ability to create life out of nothing

The eternal now confines Himself to a human life span

That which all creation cannot contain is born a helpless child

His head turned down in respect for others

His eyes wide so that He does not harm anything

His feet dirty because He does not think of himself

His hands calloused from His devotion to his family business in His youth

His understanding is brilliant as diamonds

His words are as clear as glass

His insight is like polished bronze

He delicacy in speech is like that of a potter

We are weighed down with worry about how those who hate us will retaliate

The government is turning on those who are trying to save us

Our time is spent working for multinational corporations dreams

Our investments are lost because they were based on deceitful schemes

His message is for our time

Humility and compassion are the keys to restoring our lives

5.15.3 Jesus

Is the universe in constant struggle

Between good and evil?

Does not nature possess more order?

Do we not have breaks between calamities?

Do basic structures break down

Most of the time or infrequently?

Both merciful and just

All-powerful and humble

All-wise yet foolish by our standards

A joke more serious than a tragedy

Is He both opposites at once

Or merely a mixture of equal parts

He is everything

He is my whole world

Yet He is not contained by His creation

Is He merely first order infinity?

Greater than someone could write down

Powers of infinity in an infinite time period

If He were just a Greek god

Or the heavenly ruler of China

He would not even bow Himself down

To visit earth

But He is infinitely greater than everything He could create in all of eternity

Stretching in an infinite number of dimensions if He never ceased

God does not struggle against evil

He beat all the powers of evil that ever will be or have been

With just a sentence

God is God enough to live as a man

Secure enough in His holiness to save all of mankind in a single night

Not afraid to descend into the pit of Hell

And powerful enough to rebuke the Devil himself, in His own name

When we look to God

To shuffle blame to Someone we don’t think will respond

We have to calm ourselves and be rational

God is not a man and does not make mistakes

Our problems are caused by our own bad choices

And the bad choices of others

But He already has answered our prayer

He has shortened the time of the tribulation

And as we pray more and more

It comes nearer and nearer

So we won’t have it hanging over our grand children’s heads

5.16 Limits Poetry

5.16.1 Obstacles

I awake to the sound

Of a hoarse cracking voice

Sharp, shrill, and unrelenting

"Someone stole my cane again

My hearing aids, and my dress

The young man down 3 doors down"

I am the only young man

Who lives here

But not 3 doors down

Luckily for me

I pass the front office

A tall thin man with a cowboy hat

Asking me to help him

In the bathroom

With what I don’t want to know

He is blocking my way

And keeps pleading with me desperately

I pass to other end of the hallway

A lady less than 4 feet tall

Hunched over on her walker

"Can you check my door"

I don’t know if it’s locked

Pleading louder and louder

With urgency and with fervor

And finally she is there

Our savior

The girl from Ipanema

Long and thin

With flowing hair

And smooth skin

She speaks with confidence and authority

Guiding the geriatric along their way

5.16.2 Look Behind You!

Look behind you

She’s coming

I can hear her whining voice

Trying to cover her demands

With a sing song girly voice

A moment later

A not very muffled whimpering

I look down the hall

In the direction of the noise

A large gray frizzy haired lady

Stomps down towards me

I can see the dark clouds

Hovering over her a mile away

Her world is crashing down

Someone complained about the dog poop

They stepped in in front of their door

The one next to hers

The one room she lives in

With 2 large dogs

One she claimed was trained

Its behavior says otherwise

The Dalmatian and German Shepherd in tow

She clears the hall

The smart dash away

Down another hall

Or to their rooms

She sits next to my table in the dining room

She bugs me all day long in the activities room

And now she wants to move in next to me

Look behind you

She’s coming

5.16.3 Old Swings Her Cane at You

A hunchback with a bad blond dye job

And eyeliner put on in the dark

A permanent forced grin

And swinging her cane

At her staggering Lassie dog

And ready for a Russian winter

She can’t seem to remember

What a hot dog is

So the waiter has to go over it 3 times

She is the only one

Who doesn’t need to be here

She doesn’t have any problems like us

Except she can’t remember to pay her bills on time

And can’t get along with anyone

You have to remember that she is too good for us

Playing games is not for her

Her thing is telling other what to do

If she can’t think of what to scream about at you

She will start a long winded speech

She won’t come up for air for 3 hours

Talking about her 3 jobs

All her long dead relatives

She hasn’t seen for at least a decade

How are society is based on someone called Jesus

Which she doesn’t think the pastor talks enough about

Or maybe it is just she doesn’t like what he says

Jesus or the pastor - take your pick

She doesn’t seem to understand when you talk about limitations

She says she never had any problems

So no one else should either

She can’t relate

5.17 Mainstream Poetry

⁸⁶

5.17.1 Integrity

Talk in secret

Plan in the dark

Hide in the shadows

Never disclose your sources

Does it matter

What is right and wrong?

Just shut up

And do as your told

Affairs are normal

They come with the territory

Just don’t make promises

To those you sleep with

Influencing others is easy

Just pad their ego

Speak highly of others

Who think as they do

5.17.2 Administration

Do not be too nice

Or soften your policies

Your hard heart

Might give way

Forget to honor

Those who sacrifice

They should be grateful

Since you’re all that

Send the homeless back

To migrant labor

And 18 hour work days

Working themselves to death

Don’t let soldiers

Return to their families

Or get civilian jobs

It is their duty

To be put in danger

And to be paid little

It used to be ok

To be kind

But people are jerks

And need to be treated badly

Winning hearts and minds

Is said by the ignorant

Who cares what the people think

We don’t need their loyalty

5.17.3 Power

Dividing power amongst the leaders

Will just cause disorder

Leaders should be distant

And unresponsive to the people

If he listens to the people

They might expect something from him

If the leader makes compromises

He loses too much

Why should he make concessions

And lose his absolute grip on power

We cannot serve both the common good

And still defend individual rights

Patriotism means not asking for protections

But sacrificing so the government can take over more

If the leadership does not approve of pundits

They should be silenced and lose their jobs

If the leaders like the proponents

They should make the children study their propaganda

5.17.4 Opinions

Women go downhill after 30

But men haven’t reached their prime until 50

Doctors are just out for the money

Nurses just want extra benefits

No one in health care

Works for anything other than the money

People are unwilling to invest

Even when the payoff is big

And the investment is little

Just bet your retirement

On the latest technology

Its a sure thing

Why be nice to your employees

People only follow dictators

Art is unproductive

And should not be promoted

What we really need

Is more people to sign up for the Army

So we can push around small countries

And more ranchers

So we can have an even more heart disease

Give the taxes to the corporations not the people

Poor people got that way because they are lazy

It is not the government’s responsibility

To look after its people

5.18 Plush Moments Poetry

5.18.1 Plush Valentine

Strong hooves and a beaming smile

I reach out wide to hug you

I give you my plush heart

And shower you with muzzle kisses

I know you like chocolate

Would you like your very own

Plush M and M friend

We can move to the beat

We can boogie-woogie the night away

We can sit together under the plastic tree

And find shade under the brown tent

Let’s share the grass

And roll around in plush meadows

You are always on my mind

Even in my dreams

From when we are set on the couch

To when we count the sheep

Each day my love for you grows

As our friendship progresses

I even care for your child

As if he were my own

Let’s be more than friends

Lets make memories together forever

And walk into the everlasting pastures

Hoof in hoof

5.18.2 New Calf

I am so excited

About your new friend

The little calf

Who follows you around

And looks up to you

And shines when he sees your smile

He can barely stand for long

His legs are wobbly

And his balance isn’t developed

But he has the heart

Of a seasoned ox

With each new step

You record his progress

And he surprises you each day

He still talks in simple words

And is puzzled with most of life

Everything is new to him

And he feels awkward and uncomfortable

When he is alone

He looks to you for guidance

And he is impressed by your wisdom

I look forward to meeting

Your little one

To watch him graze

For the first time

And jump over the fence

For greener grass

5.18.3 Today an Ox

Today is the day

You become an ox

I have seen you grow

In stature and wisdom

Over these last few years

As the grass grows and withers

You have learned about

Your fellow grazers

The folly of revolution

How to cheer each other up

To not wander outside

Developing your inner joy

Seeing beyond toys and entertainment

To a bond of friendship

And taking time to rest

Along the way

You have a love of learning

And have grown capable

To lead entire herds

As each day passes

I enjoy each stage of your growth

You are now capable

Of making decisions for others

And see the bigger pasture

And seek to stop the suffering

Of the steer

5.19 Personal History, an Epic Poem

5.19.1 Reflections on Soldiering

The room is glowing red

We are convulsing in the furnace

Within a crematoria though alive

We gasp for breathe as though drowning

Little chamber filled with fire

How long will we be locked within your walls?

Large beady eyes glare at us

Telling us to surrender our eyes to the flames

Behind the masks and beneath the suits

Our leaders show no sign of care

No understanding

Of the corrosive atmosphere

Bound within the gates of Hell

We are paralyzed with fear

After spending several ages in fire

The door is flung open

We are allowed out one by one

The burning gradually decreases

And we can begin to breathe again

But at any moment

We may be forced back in

Next time it will be longer

And there is no end in sight

Each day we spend in training

We lose a year’s memory

Our days before we went to war

Fade to be nothing more than a dream

There is no time to enjoy life or relax

When every waking hour must be devoted discipline

Our music is the orders of the Drill Sergeant

And our dance is the manual of arms

Our only realm for expression is in our dreams

And our only book is the Soldiers Manual

We believe in the claymore and in our protective masks

They are all that watch over us

We are free when we are running

As long as we are fast enough

How can I live any longer

With the threat of drowning in fire?

I never would have chosen this road

If I knew what war was like

If a POW camp is harder than this life

And combat is both more boring and more terrifying than training

How will I withstand the reality of war?

How will I become a soldier?

There are no more choices to make

After the one that got me here

There is no independence in the Army

There is no justice in what we do

How can we defend others rights

When we have none?

Drill Sergeant says I am now a soldier

That I have been transformed

That there is nothing but shame in turning back

That there is hope in what lies ahead

That I will not have to face the same realities

The others will have to face

But I for the first time understand fear

And I cannot trust anyone to save me

I am on my own with no one looking over me

Yet I have no freedom and no escape

I feel like an infant

I feel weak and powerless

But there is no guardian

There is no one I know

Dying doesn’t scare me

But the possibilities of suffering do

I see no meaning

Except in avoiding pain

There is no reason to live

And no protection except in death

5.19.2 Descent into Madness

I now know the horrors exist

That are worse than we can imagine

I am now in constant pain

I carry in my eyes the unquenchable fire

The one that never stops burning

I am injured beyond repair

But my country says its not that bad

I cannot study for long

Nor can I concentrate

I manage to pass enough classes

By learning quickly and a good memory

I try to meet others

But I am too tired to extend myself

No one will hire me

Except for a phone survey place

I cannot work with chemicals

My eyes burn even worse in their presence

My paranoia continues to grow

I think I am growing a third eye

Spiritual warfare seems to make sense

But I end up in the hospital

And the doors lock behind me

I am now in Hell again

But only my mind burns

I cannot escape

But time passes by more quickly

I move out to the outside room

And am allowed to have some freedom

I go home

And continue to sleep for long time periods

I struggle to get on my own

And get acknowledged that I am ill

I struggle to read again

And am finally able to write again

5.19.3 Becoming an Artist

I finally decide I have said enough

And my message is complete

But two towers fall

And 3000 people die in a plume of smoke

My poetry reaches maturity

And becomes on par with any other

I am published for the first time

In a respectable journal

I get a Mac and I learn to draw

And then I am able to arrange music

I bring my pain and my hope

To others in art

All good writers are moral

Out of compassion comes beauty

And I have an increasing joy

To draw from

As I learn about other cultures

And revolutionary ideas

Out of the poetry and art

An eccentric blend of theory is born

And eventually a subculture

The theory gets a human face

5.20 Progressive Poetry

5.20.1 Frustration

Struggling to lift the heavy lids

My eyes burst open

And I stagger to the other room

With immense effort

I live in a dream within a dream

My paranoia within God’s thoughts

My will is strong

And my spirit unbreakable

But my mind only controls

Some of my thoughts

And my body is weak

And continually asleep

My burden is not light

As Jesus said for those

Who walk with Him

And its shadow is ever before me

When your mind cannot cease

From racing at full speed

And your body is heavily sedated

Everything is a battle of will

And your spirit pushes your body

My heart is pressed on all sides

By my unquenchable emotions

And unmovable flesh

But my heart is still wild and unwavering

How will I complete the contest?

How many years will this situation last?

When you are dead tired

And you are nowhere near the finish

You must slow down and keep going

When you would much rather lie down and die

How will I summon the energy

Without the strength of mind or body

Will I be able to survive by spirit alone?

Do I know how to achieve solely by will?

Each day we wake up and begin

Before even thinking "what next? ”

But at night we worry over

What has and hasn’t happened

If only my spirit could know the rhythm

And my will the attitude

That can harmonize with the Way

And outlast this disease

We can only hope

And pray without ceasing

5.20.2 Heaven and Earth

There is a rhythm that exists

Deep inside your spirit

When all you hear is breathing

And your mind is all alone

Thoughts take flight

And you see nothing

Returning the power to Heaven

And the ten thousand things

Follow your mind

Liberation is a subtlety

And freedom comes from control

The hierarchy reflects nature

And the order is transparent

Within an instant

Everything fades away

The mind is ruler

And the body follows

When the mind is empty

The body is fully alert

With each breath

Heaven takes more territory

And the Earth longs

For heaven’s leadership

A unity exists

When Heaven is patriarch

And his rule is sage-like

And shows perspective

The Way leads to your heart

And is illuminated by your breath

Heaven leads the Way

And each member settles in

For a long peace

And a stable rule

The Way is narrow

When your mind is a casualty of war

It broadens

As Heaven is seated on your throne

5.20.3 Completion

Being finished and moving on

Is a very satisfying experience

It is not that I don’t enjoy

The stages along the way

But the lifting of responsibilities

Is freeing and relieving

Word by word

And stroke by stroke

I put my thoughts

To digital paper

With each task completed

A new one is born

Ideas drift in in waves

And inspiration hovers for a while

The past is very safe

The best protection for ideas

Putting years between yourself

And the project

Not only gives perspective

But affords time for others to absorb it

New seeds are planted

And grow to harvest

No one can take away your experiences

Nothing can diminish what you have accomplished

In every person’s life

There are moments of reflection

And to have something important done

Provides a place of serenity

And a way to relive experiences

While I don’t know

What the future holds

Nor what works are left undone

I can see progress

And I know I have exerted genuine effort

I have fought for those who cannot

In a way that is both obscure

And possibly very natural

That makes it worthwhile

And the effort seems easy

5.21 Salvation Poetry

5.21.1 Fallen

I woke up with my human and the cows

Pike had fallen off the bed

I remember last night

Because of my experiment he fell

Seeing how far on the edge

He could lay without falling

I hid under the pillow

When I was found

I realized the gravity of the situation

How could I be so careless?

He was my friend and a fellow sheep

I knew I had committed a crime

Luckily he was still alive

He said "look friend, be more careful next time”

I knew I got off easy this time

He was a good sheep

I couldn’t let this happen again

I would sleep closest to the edge

As a buffer for Pike

Now we are closer

And he has forgotten

That terrible night

I now think each night

How lucky I am to have Pike

What a friend he is to forgive

I realize I was the one who had fallen

I was the one who had suffered loss

I needed God to forgive me

I needed His grace

Without his closeness

I could not live my life

How could I turn my back

On my Creator

The giver of life

I asked for a pardon

He renewed my heart

I live each day

As a new sheep

And my blue ribbon

Is no longer my life

5.21.2 When

We all sit in anticipation

On the bed, on the shelf, or on the dresser

Waiting for the Lamb to come

Now we follow the cows

But when the Great Lamb comes

He will be our Leader

With each passing hour

We long for the Sheep still in his youth

We mourned His death

But He is still perfectly white

His blood washes away all wrong

We try to do what He would do

But the world is getting scarier

Sheep have to sell their very coats for food

And some even like to eat our youth

How long must we wail

For our sons and daughters slain in their youth

And our ancient ones freezing in the rain?

He will come from the clouds

With power and wisdom

And rescue us

Who die as quickly as the grass we eat

And bring water of peace to our pasture

How much longer will our food be poisoned

And our water continue to make us sick?

There is an end to the injustice

Even as there will be and end to the earth

But there is hope beyond death

For all living things

By this Lamb we are saved

From our own foolishness

From our careless mistakes

To live in pastures forever green

And drinking of water that is alive

5.21.3 My Sheep

While waiting for the Great Lamb

I have realized

I have my own sheep

Pike is someone I can reach out and hug

He is my friend

He listens when I am sad

And when I have Good News

He is how I see the Great Lamb

He is willing to talk

And when I do wrong

To forgive me

It is a blessing to have a relationship

With a fellow sheep

We experience everything together

We now fall off the bed together

And we visit the cows side by side

Having fellowship with Pike is very meaningful

We can think of the Great Lamb in unison

It is a pleasure to have a role model

A sheep I can look up to

There is nothing more special

Than our reaching out to the cows

Helping them fall asleep

And being called by my number

With each wobbly step

We come closer to meeting the Great Lamb

Our human reads us verses

Of how God is a Lamb

And how He died

So no farm animal needed to die again

We cheer up our human

And he looks after us

This year we’re going to by in a nativity

To celebrate the birth of the Great Lamb

He was human then

But born in our food box

And angels appeared to the sheep at night

And Pike and I continue to look to the skies

For the Great Lamb’s second coming

But until then

We will enjoy each other’s company

In fellowship with our own personal sheep

5.22 Self Poetry

5.22.1 With one material, many souls

What is our true self?

What is our true identity?

Are we one with God

Is God in us or is He our true identity?

Is the individual soul an illusion?

Do we only exist as One?

Truly there is something

That unites the universe

Not only is there something

That unites body and mind

But also the same thing

Is the foundation of everything

And there is something else

The same moral purpose in everything

But we also have a soul that exists

And although it may be made of the same

As that of matter and energy and of other souls

The composition is unique

In each one of us