Benjamin-Newton Challenging Projects: IDLE (Isolation, Depression, and Lack of Energy)

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Fighting and Making Fun of Ambiguity

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BEN-NEW's Network
BENjamin-NEWton Challenging Projects Network
by Ben Huot
Academic Non-Fiction E-Books & More Free Stuff

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This is an Old School Informational website

General Book Statistics

  • 2,686 pages of unique text written over 20 years
  • average of 1 essay or poem written every week for over 20 years
  • average of 134 pages written every year for over 20 years

Book Statistics by Period

  • 789 pages written from 1998-2007
  • 1,111 pages written from 2008-2011
  • 786 pages written from 2012-2018

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Schizophrenia can often appear the same to Bipolar Disorder to people who know nothing about mental illness or when you do not see a person for more than a few minutes at one time, but they are actually very different. Schizophrenia is much harder to deal with and much harder to treat than Bipolar Disorder, because Bipolar Disorder is a mood disorder, whereas Schizophrenia is a thought disorder.

Mood disorders are simpler to understand and can be treated easier with medication than thought disorders. With Bipolar Disorder, your mood goes to extremes, but with Schizophrenia, your senses and thoughts are much more intense. Everything has meaning to someone with Schizophrenia.

Getting an accurate diagnosis from a doctor who is qualified to diagnose is the essential first step in treating any mental illness. The wrong medicine can have either no effect, bad side effects, or make things worse. You should not do any drugs, even pot as they exasperate both the mental illness symptoms and make it harder to diagnose. Only a psychiatrist with a doctorate in both medicine and psychology who specializes in mental illness is qualified to diagnose you.

Many people take a long time to get the right diagnosis or often never do. The hardest part for the person with the mental illness to do is to keep taking the medicine as they often either feel they don't need it when they are manic or with Schizophrenia transfer their paranoia to the medicine. The even harder part is accepting you need help and believing you are the source of the problem and not the world around you. Schizophrenia gets worse over time, if you wait to get on your psychiatric medicine, as you have each psychotic episode.

To get state aid, you first need to have a stable address and someone to fill out all the forms for you. Do this as soon as possible. It will likely take years to get into a program. When you apply for SSI, they will almost undoubtedly turn you down the first time, so you need to get a lawyer, before they will even consider giving you disability compensation. Get on all the free version of stuff, get into section 8 housing, get Obamacare and basically pay for nothing as you will make almost nothing in state assistance.

Schizophrenia amplifies your thoughts and senses, because you constantly have adrenaline running through your system and the body is constantly in a fight or flight response mode. You are always terrified of and often depressed about something as well. People with Schizophrenia are no more likely to be violent than anyone else and are usually the victims of crimes rather than the perpetrators. Schizophrenia makes people feel afraid, not powerful. Adrenaline feels very different over a longer timeframe than most people experience.

Many people associate Schizophrenia with genius, but the disease does not affect intelligence either way and people with Schizophrenia vary widely in intelligence levels. Have you heard about all those people who were great artists or leaders who were mentally ill? Almost all of them suffered from Bipolar Disorder. You cannot have both at the same time. You can have a less severe form of Schizophrenia called Schziooeffective Disorder with either depression or mania (but not both).

There are two major groups of symptoms in Schizophrenia, which are called positive symptoms and negative symptoms. The positive symtoms are things that you have in addition to a normal person like paranoia, hallucinations, and delusions. The negative symptoms are things a person with Schizophrenia is lacking that an average person has like isolation, depression, and a lack of energy.

Most forms of Schizophrenia do not include audio hallucinations (hearing voices) or paranoia (a specific type of delusion where you belive people are coming after you). All types of Schizophrenia have types of short term memory loss, inappropriate facial expressions, and delusions. Schizophrenia has similar symptoms to those people who have brain damage and it like a much more intense version of an anxiety disorder.

The primary treatment for Schizophrenia is an anti-psychotic medication that is related to the older type of sedatives given to people during surgery. You also must always keep your stress level under control, and live a low stress lifestyle, as high stress will undo the effect of the medicine. Counseling, religion, and many other types of treatments may be helpful in addition to the medicine.

There are no alternative medicine treatments that can substitute for the modern medicine. The real break through in Schizophrenia medicines were in the 1990s. This medicine treatment goes back to about the 1950s.

Before this modern medicine, people with Schizophrenia were usually committed to an institution. Counseling people to accept that their delusions are not real is ineffective. The brain itself is what is damaged chemically and there is no way of getting between the brain and the person as the person is the brain. It is like trying to perform brain surgery on yourself or teach yourself to write when you cannot yet speak.

The medication did not make me any less extreme in my beliefs or change my views on religion or morality and does not make me less creative or more easily controlled by others. I have more control, more happiness, and find it easier to create things since I got on my medicine. It is more painful to not be on the medicine.

I have a combination of both being terrified about something but at the same time knowing it is unlikely to happen. I believe something to be true and nonsense at the same time. This is how the medicine interacts with my paranoia and other delusions. I feel like I have adrenaline running through me as well as feel that I am being pushed down at the same time. I also feel like I am slowly waking up more and more.

The medicines are supposed to just target the brain, but almost always slow the entire body down causing constant tiredness, weight gain, and heart disease/high blood pressure/diabetes. Many of the newer medicines developed after 1990 are not effective with many patients, so that they have to take older drugs, which have even more extreme side effects.

I have Paranoid Schizophrenia and suffer from paranoia and depression mostly and I hear voices sometimes. The most disabling aspects of Schizophrenia and hardest to treat are the social ones. I have gradually re-learned how to fit in with normal people better over many years. Although Paranoid Schizophrenia is the hardest to deal with form of Schizophrenia, it is often more successful in its treatment, because the medicine is more effective with treating the positive symptoms.

Lack of energy, isolation and depression can feed off each other to form a cycle that lasts forever. You are tired because you are taking a sedative, so you do not get out and interact with other people, and then you get depressed, because you become more and more isolated. Ironically, the one thing I wish I could do more than anything else is work a job, even if it was just minimum wage.

Anything that requires me to go to regular meetings or get something done by a certain time stresses me out (which usually triggers paranoia). I have volunteered a number of times, but few organizations will give you the opportunity to do something you find personally fulfilling for them. I have tried to go to school but get stressed out and start getting paranoid.

Computer work has been one of the most successful thing to do, because I can do it at any time and do not have to commit to anything. Even deciding beforehand where I am getting food later that day or my what my next project on the computer will be is stressful to me. I even have a hard time getting on time to movie theatres showings.

One of the things I enjoy in interacting with other people is explaining things to them about academic or technical topics. I find the mentally ill to be the easiest group to work with that needs extra help, because they are actually more sane and less obnoxious than the elderly, the homeless, or young people. I used to be annoyed by what I use to call bus people, but now I think other people see me that way.

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Website Card Data

  • Benjamin-Newton Challenging Projects
  • My Umbrella Website
  • Links to My Other Websites by Topic and/or Media Type
  • Short Writings, Photos, Audio, Military, Schizophrenia, Recommended Books, Disaster Survival and Computer Help
  • © Ben Huot 1998
  • www.benjamin-newton.net
Fighting and Making Fun of Ambiguity

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My websites work fine without Javascript or plugins enabled, or with ads or scripts blocked (my websites have no third party content or ads nor do they make use of any plugins). To get a simpler version of most of my websites, try "Disabling Javascript". On my website, you won't be abe to adjust the website appearance or have it read aloud, with Javascript disabled.

Consequences

Disabling Javascript will both increase the security of your computer or device and get rid of annoying things like malware, ads, pop-ups, and comment sections. It will also make your computer or device browser run much faster and use many times less of your monthly quota, from your cell phone plan. On the other hand, with many popular sites, you won't be able to use them at all, with this setting, so change it back afterwards.

Downloads Situation

I just found out yesterday that most my downloads (which I have on a different server/service) have been unavailable for 1-3 months, due to a change in credit cards. Although I only owed $2, they decided to cut off my service and not tell me.

The service is completely restored, but I am moving things over as fast as possible to the main site. Things may not be as fast as otherwise, but things will at least be accessible.

The problem with the other service is that they billed monthly, so I was not able to make sure everything was right and pay the bill ahead of time for a year (like I do with all my other services and websites). I will never again depend on a monthly billed service, so this problem should never happen again.

Sorry for the inconvenience. I know how annoying this is, when I run into it on other websites. The lesson is to depend upon as few people as possible, because everyone seems to screw up the most simple things, no matter how reputable the brand is.

Everything is currently available now, but I am being proactive. Everything is finally moved over to my server hosting and I do not depend on or use this service for anything anymore. This will make downloading things slower in places like China, India, South America, and Africa, but this is still better than not being available at all.

Security is a Serious Issue

Celebrating No Ads, for at Least the Last 10 years. I only had ads, for the first few years, when I could not afford to pay for a website, when I started out on Tripod, in 1998. I currently use about 10 ad blockers at once, for my web browser, on both my iPad and iMac. None of these ad blockers interferes with my website display or functionality in any way. I encourage you to use them.

I recommend you use ad blockers and do not feel sorry about it at all, as the online advertisers have forced our hand. You cannot even see content, on many websites, because of the ads. Now there is even malware, that comes with ads, even on legitimate websites, like Forbes.com.

I use no cookies, trackers, ads, analytics, or collect any personal information from users, for any reason. None of my downloads have spyware or adware in any of them. I use a Mac and an iPad, so there should be no viruses or worms in them, either.

At one time, I offered people to buy print versions of my books, at cost, but I have removed this capability, because of no interest. There are currently no things to buy from my website. I am not trying to make any money off my website, or even to pay for its creation and hosting costs. I never thought I would and I never plan to, in the future.

I only use a couple different light utility functions in Javascript, like for loading the CSS file and search. If you ever experience ads on my website or anything annoying like that, they are not from me. If you use a free wifi from Comcast, they unethically may insert ads into sites, that don't have ads, like mine. I will be putting in a major upgrade, that requires a huge amount of work, to block anyone's ability to do that, verry soon.

Do not trust anything you see online. Expect everything to be a scam, unless proven otherwise and give out as little information as possible, no matter what the reason. Anything can be faked. Just because something looks legitimate doesn't mean it is. The future of malware is likely ransomware. Randsomeware is when someone takes control of your data or device and make you pay money to unlock it.

Remember, there will be a more and more scams and security problems, over time. You will need to do things, to increase your security, over the years, to fix new threats. It is very easy to hack computers and very difficult to secure them. Computer security could be much better, if even basic industry standard security practices were followed. The problem is that people are too cheap.

When your information gets stolen, it is usually not from you, but from someone else, who has your information. If you were a hacker, would you target one person's individual computer, that has, at the most, one person's information, when you can attack a big store like Target and get millions of people's private information, at once?

Do whatever you need to protect yourself. Never buy any software from anywhere, except from a curated app store like Apple's. Avoid free software, as many open source software packages now even include malware in them, as well. Uninstall Flash and Java and never install any plugins or any other software needed, to see a website, for any reason.

Avoid accessing websites from within app store apps, not preinstalled by your OS. Avoid giving personal information to social networks or free services, as the never actually delete anything and have poor security. Do not give apps access to any personal information, including contacts or photos.

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Network Overview

Network Introduction

Confused about the world today? Want a simple, direct, and clear explanation? Read my books. My writing is like poetry meets encyclopedia. You will find nothing like this online or in print. All of this writing is available at no cost. I have a steady income and a lot of time, as well as an unusual perspective. This website network and these books are my way of trying to make the world a better place.

There are a lot of other (non-fiction) things I write about, as well, like what it is like to have Schizophrenia, secrets to my website design, and a completely different political and religious point of view. My point of view is partially based on my experience enlisted in the military and later living with Schizophrenia for over 15 years. It is also heavily influenced by my decades long (and continuing) study of world religions and world history (after ancient history and before modern times).

I follow my theories with practical advice and do what I recommend others do. You can make the world a better place. Just remember to think for yourself (this is what studying philosophy should teach you). Learn from my writings and experience, but come to your own conclusions. I am likely wrong on a lot of things, as are even the greatest thinkers, throughout history. I write what I believe, but you need to make your own choices, based on your own experience and your own understanding of yourself and the world.

I teach the exact opposite of the medieval philosophy of Thomas Aquinas. Instead of understanding God, to the limits of reason and then using faith, to reach beyond that, I believe that faith is the primary means with which we should understand God and the use of reason, to explain the Bible and God, is a secondary and subordinate pursuit. It is dangerous, to base your faith on reason, because someone could then change your mind, just because they are better at arguing.

One of the things people often assume is that arguments are all based on reason, and to understand how I explain things, it is important to understand that I am not trying to be rational. I do not believe that you will change your views, even if I was able to form a superior reasonable argument for it. The basis for my faith is not rational either. If you think pursuing truth without using reason is nonsense, then you probably won't agree with what I have to say. Yes, I actually believe that and yes I do see some humor in that as well.

Start reading here today.

Opening Thoughts

Exactly the same but completely different. Slightly worse, but many times better.

For those things we know are true, but we thought were impossible to put into words. Always be kind and work hard. Learn as much as possible and be creative in solving problems. Over all, in making important and morally significant decisions, think long term. The best you can do in life is follow your conscience.

On Certainty in Life

I am sure about everything everyone else doesn't understand, but I am confused about everything everyone else is certain of. Everything you have seen and heard is wrong. What we were taught was true in school is irrelevant. The things we think are really important are very unimportant and the things that we think aren't very important are the most important of all.

About Me

I am a former soldier (army) and have been living independently with Schizophrenia for over 15 years. I live in Eugene, Oregon (United States) I have spent much of this time writing a number of books on various non-fiction topics based on my experiences, what I have read, and the insights I have had over the last (almost) 20 years.

I have also designed these Benjamin-Newton websites from scratch, with all my own code and graphics and updated them daily for that entire time, as well. I code directly to CSS in a text editor and avoid anything that slows the site down or causes unnecessary security problems.

Want to Think Critically?

I am a Christian cynic and pessimist in that I believe in everything in the Bible, but nothing else except Murphy's Law (anything that can go wrong will). I consider this positive, because when anything goes well in any aspect of my working with other people doing their jobs, I am pleasantly surprised.

Explore my website and learn to think critically about everything (history, religion, psychology, ethics, design, technology, and disaster survival). Be sure to be critical of everything you read, including my ideas.

Beyond Reason and Facts

When making decisions, expand your worldview and use your heart and soul, as well as your intellect. Think critically, but do not limit yourself to just the rational and the empirical. Use all the other methods of discovery, that come from the major world belief systems.

Decide what is true based on: your conscience (as determined by your faith, scripture, tradition, prophecy, paradox, intuition, history, and feelings) what you have experienced (in your relationship with God by worship, ritual, prayer, mystical experience, visions, and divine healing), and the practice of your faith (in the way you express your loyalty and respect for God by a code of conduct/ethics, fasting, living a life of poverty, taking vows of silence and/or chastity). This will lead you to ask tougher questions and make more difficult decisions, with your now bigger understanding of reality, but it will also bring greater peace and purpose to your life.

Philosophy Inspired Solutions to World Problems

Some people work too hard and need to rest, while others are lazy and need to work harder. How do you determine which problem is yours? It is usually the opposite of what you think. Ask people who know you well, and be prepared for a surprise response.

The following are examples, of the kinds of practical things you can do, to reduce suffering in the world, in things you have control over.

Economically Based
  • Make Ethical Decisions in the Products We Buy
  • Find Creative Way to Reduce Our Expenses
  • Get Supplies and Training to Survive Disasters
  • Promote Internet Usage to Empower Individuals
  • Give Away Free Content to Support Alternate Opinions
Socially Based
  • Network to Expand Our Circles of Influence
  • Form Relationships with Our Neighbors
  • Encourage Others
  • Stay Positive and Increase Our Positive Influences
  • Avoid Mainstream Assumptions
Spiritually Based
  • Pray for God's Will to Be Done
  • Improve a Specific Animal's Life
  • Increase Our Understanding of the World
  • Raise Our Kids to Be Good Citizens
  • Take Time to Relax

Philosophical Influences

Biblical
  • Apostle Paul
  • Apostle John
  • Prophet Jeremiah
  • Prophet Nehemiah
  • Prophet Elijah
  • King Solomon
  • King David
Chinese
  • Chuang Tzu
  • Hsun Tzu
  • Bodhidharma
  • Dogen
  • Han Shan
  • Li Po
  • Tu Fu
Other Asian and African
  • Al-Ghazzali
  • Hafiz
  • Kabir
  • Kebra Nagast
  • Archbishop Desmund Tutu
Existential
  • Kierkegaard
  • Camus
  • Viktor Frankl
  • Tolstoy
  • Dostoevsky
  • Nietzsche
Renaissance and Enlightenment
  • Meister Eckhart
  • Erasmus
  • Montaigne
  • Berkeley
  • Locke
  • Spinoza

Why am I so Critical of the Church and Christians?

You cannot change other people's minds, but you can change your own mind. We can defend our theology and dismiss unbelievers as being intellectually lazy and/or in rebellion against God, and likely be entirely correct. The things is if we choose to do anything necessary, to bring about faith in Christ, we can re-examine our cultural interpretations of Scripture and its application to our lives and society.

Not only can we make Christianity more appealing, to those who are seeking God, but at the same time need not compromise any core theology, related to salvation, in order to do so. If we change the way we approach politics and society, without changing our core beliefs, is this not a success in evangelism?

Society is now going through a major technology revolution that is as profound and far reaching as the agricultural revolution was. Every institution and industry has, is now, or will be transformed into a different form, if it even survives. The Church will survive and thrive, but it would help grow the Church, if we can find things that we can change, while still holding to our Biblical faith.

The Bible is definitely not wrong and our theology has been preserved, at great cost in the major divisions of the church, but people can and are often wrong. There are also many ways to implement theology and express our faith and when we have such major cultural and technological changes, it is appropriate to adjust things like liturgy and political stances.

What we have today works for many people and we will have to fight very hard, for maybe only a small increase in numbers, but isn't the salvation of any one person worth changing how we think about non-critical aspects of theology and the Bible?

The many things that seem so odd to modern day people about the society in the Bible are almost all culturally adapted expressions of the same theology that we hold today. Being culturally relevant was important enough for God to build the entire Old Testament around the ancient Middle Eastern ways of thinking and social conventions, so it must still be equally important today.

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